Donald and Melania Trump host a congressional holiday ball at the White House.

He brags. What a Braggy McBragerpants. He brags about getting more things done than anyone else in history. He brags about the people in the room being the most powerful in the world, and everyone being beautiful. He brags about tax cuts and trimming onerous regulations. He brags about Supreme Court justices and federal judges. He brags about criminal justice reform and he brags about billing some farm. Who does he think he is, president of the United States or what? Everyone holds up their cell phone like, "look at me, I have an expensive cell phone." He brags about living in a big house and he brags about having three teams of chefs. Yeah, right.  He brags like his house is the center of the universe. And everyone is sticking up their arms showing off their jewelry, their glittering bracelets, their watches and cufflinks, sparkling with reflected twinkling lights. Then he brags about getting really good healthcare better than anyone else, and another bill for infrastructure. Then weirdly he goes, "Hey, look around at all the mold in this house."  Then, get this, he invites some Ice Queen woman to speak and she acts all stuck up like she's some kind of fashion model being all sexy and alluringly provocative with her sensual curves moving like smoke and speaking in an exotic accent she goes, OMG, she goes, "Velcome to da Vite House. Enchoy da evnink, meddy Kreesmis, and happy heltey new year." Oh God, it's so embarrassing.