Hot potato

This is silly.

The title of an item on Instapundit had me laughing so hard I had to hold onto my laptop and let the paroxysms of belly laughs happen, "Drinking beer and throwing axes."

That's just plain funny.

More like hatchets. But still axes. It's a place in Tennessee, indoors, simple bar and four lanes for throwing axes at a target.

Another thing over there on Insty is less funny. Some dope named Max Boot joins George Will in saying that Democrats must win to purify the GOP.

And that isn't going to happen so whatever the article says, we're already in polysci and fantasy category of fiction writing. But one sentence into it Max says he cannot be identified with the party of child-snatchers, so I dropped it right there like a hot potato. What a f'k'n dope.

Actually, I could go for a hot potato.

Even a cold one will do.

I haven't had breakfast and I'm hungry.

Hey!

I have cold potatoes.

OMG, I can satisfy this yearning right now. In an instant. No cooking, just reach into the refrigerator and have the best potato salad that I've ever tasted. But it's much more than that. It's smashed waxy potatoes treated similarly to traditional potato salad but with an entire English cucumber, salted and squeezed of its water, and onion, salted and squeezed of its sulfur unpleasantness, carrots and corn, and pork. It should be ham but I don't have any of that around right now so I used pork instead. And it's so excellent I cannot even stand it. I want the whole world to taste this. It changes what you think potato salad should be.

I have pictures!

I'll show you before I show anyone else. You're first.

An English cucumber is sliced and salted and let sit so its water releases. Later, it's squeezed and pressed in a few layers of paper towel.

Waxy potatoes are peeled and boiled until tender.

Sliced sandwich ham is used but I don't have any of that. I'd prefer deli ham  sliced very thickly. 

You know how carrots are tapered. To get them the same size small chunks, then the thin part is cut in chunks up the carrot until it become thicker. Then about half  way sliced in half the long way and continued chopping off discs that fall in two pieces. Then the last third the thickest part is sliced in half again and both halves sliced lengthwise again into four semi-long pieces, and those chopped the same way as cutting firewood for the pieces to be the same size. 

Vidalia onion so it's not harsh as regular onion, but if left in the mixture its remnant sulfur quality will develop and spread through like fumes, so they're salted and squeezed in paper towel like the cucumber.

Potatoes smashed with a fork incompletely leaving chunks. Rice vinegar added while the hot potato is vulnerable to absorption. I added my favorite Asian flavor ingredients to enhance it.

I was going to marinade this pork for awhile but it isn't necessary. It's great by itself.

There you have it. Pre-mayonnaise. Doesn't it look like a fantastic hash? Much more vegetable and protein than regular old picnic style potato salad. That was never one of my favorite things. But enhanced this way it's simply fantastic.

I used to hate mayonnaise. But now I accept it. It's actually rather good once you make it yourself. It amounts to a sweet/sour egg/oil emulsion enhanced with mustard. I think commercial mayonnaise is white because they use only egg whites. I'm not sure. And they don't use very much mustard if they use any at all. And they cook theirs so the eggs are safe. Anyway the potatoes and vegetables need oil, and mayonnaise has that.

Come over here, and I'll give you a plate of this. You'll agree it's the best that you've had.

It will do very well for breakfast this fine Saturday morning.