Soph
I will never forget it you know. Doorbell rang the other day, I answered the door and there was a delivery boy there with two dozen roses. I grabbed the card I opened it and it said “Love, from your boyfriend Ernie” I was having tea with my girlfriend Clementine. I said “Clementine, do you know what this means? For the next two weeks I’m gonna be flat on my back with my legs wide open.” Clementine says to me she says, “What’s the matter, ain’t you got a vase?”
I will never forget it you know. I was in bed one night with my boyfriend Ernie and he said to me, “Soph, how come you never tell me when you’re having an orgasm?” And I said to him, “Ernie, you’re never around!”
I will never forget it you know. I was in bed last night with my boyfriend Ernie and he said to me, “Soph, you got no tits and a tight box.” I said to him, “Ernie. Get off my back!”
I will never forget it you know. It was on the occasion of my eightieth birthday. My boyfriend Ernie bought for me a tombstone, and on that tombstone he inscribed: HERE LIES SOPH. COLD AS USUAL. Not being one to take that kind of thing lying down, I went out and bought Ernie a tombstone, and on that tombstone I had inscribed: HERE LIES ERNIE–STIFF AT LAST!
I will never forget it you know. I was in the woods last night with my boyfriend Ernie. He said to me “Soph, these woods sure are dark, I sure wish I had a flashlight.” I said to him, “So do I Ernie. You’ve been munching grass for the last ten minutes!”
I will never forget it you know. It was on the occasion of Ernie’s eightieth birthday. He rang me up and said, “Soph! Soph! I just married myself a twenty-year old girl. What do you think of that?” I said to him, “Ernie, when I am eighty I shall marry me a twenty-year old boy. And let me tell you something Ernie: twenty GOES INTO eighty a helluva lot more than eighty GOES INTO twenty!”
I will never forget it you know. I was terribly drunk the other night. I woke up and there was an elephant in my bed. And I said, “Lord have mercy I must’ve been tight last night.” “Well,” said the elephant, “kinda.”
I will never forget it you know. That big perv Geraldo Rivera felt my boob.
What? You think this is a joke?
I am sincerely sorry.
I can tell Bette is upset.
I remember the evening differently.
9 comments:
One of the downsides to all these sex allegations is that you have to picture these wackos doing sexual stuff which I would rather not. To quote Bartleby the Scrivener, I WOULD PREFER NOT. AMartel the Commenter has spoken. Last week was Clampitt reruns (more disgusting on second viewing) and Roy Moore Chatting with Young Ladies but Only After Chatting with Their Moms. Ew. Shiver. (I'd still vote for him, BTW. Fuck the media and their opportunistic reliably partisan 40 year late news flashes.) Now, with Geraldo we literally cannot avoid the picture, unforch. And somehow I doubt that Bette would have been offended if it was someone she liked. Geraldo, stupidly, as usual, failed to read the room temperature and engaged in "flirting" (boob grabbing) with someone not necessarily inclined to like him. Now she's reviving the issue in order to get in on the Metoo publicity. Asshole. I can't stand any of these people.
I always knew she was a little bent, but Geraldo?
PS Flirting is an art. If you have to start grabbing stuff, you really don't know what you're doing.
The first time I remember seeing her was on the Mike Douglas show. She was wearing a low cut dress and her tit popped out. Hilarity ensued.
It was pretty racy for 4pm in the 1970's.
That's pretty racy for now and just demonstrates that she's not a fragile flower unless she wants to be.
I always watched Mike and Merv whenever I could.
Her appeal. It escapes me.
Wow, Bette Midler and Bartleby The Scrivener: that's some combo!
ricpic said...
Her appeal. It escapes me.
You have to appreciate out there. And, as Troop notes, she sometimes was.
PS For those who never heard, Merv was a perv.
Bett likes it up the butt.
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