The Potable, Quotable Dorothy Parker

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."

"I hate writing, I love having written."

"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."

"Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa."

"What fresh hell is this?"

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here,  it was against her better judgment."

"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them."

"I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid."

"She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."

"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!"

"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy."