“All right pipe down and let’s get started” said Donald
Trump as he gathered together all of his closest advisors to help plan out the
Republican Convention. “Corey what’s the plan? I want this convention to be the
best convention ever! It is gonna be yuge! Who have we lined up for
entertainment?”
“We have a bunch of singers. We start off every night
with Twisted Sister sing “We’re Not Gonna Take
It” while the Convention goers smash big piñata’s of Hillary Clinton.
They hit her cankles and candy treats come out” replied Corey Lewandowski his
campaign manager. Corey styled himself as a clone of Doug from “House of
Cards.” Same bald head. Same cutthroat attitude. Like most of them he has a
tenuous grip on reality. To him it was all a show.
“I like the song but hold the piñatas till the end of the
night. We don’t want to make the rest of the night anti-climatic. I like a good
climax at the end” cooed Ivanka Trump his beautiful daughter as she rearranged
her large milk filled breasts in her tight fitting shirt dress. She had just
dropped a rug rat and her fun bags were particularly prominent.
“I disagree” said Donald Jr the often forgotten son. He
was very competent but a pale moon in the shadow of his sister fiery
brilliance. “We want to whip them into a frenzy at the beginning and keep it
going all night long.”
“I like it Donnie lets go with your idea. What are we
doing with the other guys who lost to us? I guess we need to acknowledge them
to get their voters.” Donald Trump smiled at his daughter as she winked back at
him. She was his favorite but he always tried to not slight his other children.
They were a very close knit family.
“Well we have given them assignments that best fit their
abilities. Huckabee is a great evangelist so he is charge of the opening
prayers. Marco Rubio volunteered to be the men’s room attendant which is strange.
But he only asked for a drill and a case of Kleenex so I figured that was cheap
enough” replied Eric Trump the idiot son who was tasked with most of the grunt
work. “The rest of them were easy. Rand Paul is in charge of vaccinations,
Chris Christie is handling the catering and Ben Carson will be the janitor.
Right Ben?”
“DYNOMITE MR. TRUMP” shouted Ben Carson. He was totally
different off camera. He was calm and introspective when the camera is on but
when it is not he was boisterous and funny. “I can’t wait. Weezy and I are
gonna have a blast.”
“Right Ben thanks” replied the Donald. He loved black
people. He loved to hang out with them. Even back in the day when he was Mike
Tyson's wing man in Atlantic City when they were young bucks. That dumb twat
Hillary is really going to be surprised when she sees the brothers come out and
vote for the Donald. You see no man with a pair of balls would every vote for
that shrieking harpy. “The big question is what are we going to do with Lying
Ted?”
“We can push him in front of a subway train” said Corey
hopefully. “That always works out well.”
“I keep telling you this isn't House of Cards Corey. Jeez
I am going to cancel your Netflicks subscriptions if you keep this shit up”
growled the Donald. “Give me something better.”
“Maybe we can just kill him and I can fuck Ivanka in
front of the coffin” said Eric as he stared at his sister.
“Look you moron this is not “Game of Thrones” you
jerkoff. I am definitely canceling your HBO” huffed his appalled sister.
“Besides if I was going to get nasty it sure ain’t you I would pick.”
Donald Trump chuckled. “Enough of this grab ass. We will
have him wave from the audience and leave it at that. He can stay in his hotel
room and beat on his wife. I guess that should do it. Make sure you get Celine
Dion for the finale. She owes me.”
“Papa?” murmured Barron his youngest. He was in the
family meeting as a courtesy. They had invited Tiffany but she was in Daytona Beach for Spring Break. She was always on spring break.
“Yes son?"
“Jeez. I knew we should have named you Damien.
Enough already. I am already tired of this. Handle it Ivanka. You know how I
like it.”
“Ok Daddy. Consider it done.”
30 comments:
Speaking of which, welcome back.
In our last exciting episode 4 years ago, Gov Romney was up over President Pissy when you took out the skew from the polls. Which helps explain why Pissy needed what many called an unprecedented level of vote fraud.
Today we find Queen Cacklepants over The Donald by 3. Until you look under the hood and see the pollsters included a 7.2 point skew for her so she can say she's 48 - 45.
(this is why I like The Donald; if he thinks he's being had, he will not be a gentleman about it)
Anti-climatic? Are you saying he is a climate denier?
Ed, Romney did not lose due to vote fraud, he lost due to lying down and not closing after his first debate--which resulted in him getting debeat.
No, he lost to vote fraud. Pissy had a concession speech all ready, Romney didn't. The "he gave up" business is because some people were going to blame him, regardless.
PS With KY 50% in Bernie's leading in a squeaker. As much of KY is coal-dependent, I'm surprised the Hildabeast is even competitive.
PPS Romney impressed people in the first debate. He had a good lead after that.
Ed, you got any proof for that? I followed that election closely and I did not see any claims of widespread fraud. Oh there was shennanagins in some Dem districts, but what states did O steal from Mittens? Links if you have them.
Romney sucked in later debates 2 and 3. Mittens played it safe and lost.
I like the idea of his youngest son being the enemy within. I don't know why that tickles me but it does.
Evi's right, Romney had Hussein on the ropes after the first debate. I don't know who got to Romney but there was something completely fishy about his performance in 2 and 3.
Or should I say his lack of performance. He went limp.
Romney's one of those (seemingly) total winners who know they screwed up big time and it gnaws and gnaws on them and then they lash out at a target who happens to be named Trump but it's about Romney not Trump, Romney drowning in his own bile.
No, the issue was the vote fraud.
What was fascinating is how many people remarked on it.
Evi L. Bloggerlady said...
Ed, you got any proof for that? I followed that election closely and I did not see any claims of widespread fraud.
You look at the crooked voting machines, the people bused from state to state, the 100% turnouts, crooked poll workers.
Yeah, I know there were people who didn't like the guy and they liked that he lost, but the fact was there was so much of the vote fraud. Morris and a lot of other people were blown away by it.
The Columbus Post-Dispatch later reported 20% of the names on the OH voter rolls were bogus.
ric, whatever Romney's got against Trump has nothing to do with 4 years ago. This is about the establishment going down today. Romney's been quiet until a few weeks ago.
That's true
Merle Haggard wrote a song about that "Tonight, My Magic Underwear Let Me Down".
Ed, if that's true Trump already lost. But even if Romney won Ohio, wouldn't he have lost anyway? Demo fraud is real, but Romney lost due to Romney
We have to keep delving into the Trump campaigns inner workings.
I know Evi is very interested in Ivanka's heavy milk laden breasts. Just like me.
It is a subject I intend to revisit. Over and over again.
There are rumors Melania is jealous of the Donald Ivanka, er....connection. Just say'n. Hee Hee
I know ric and I could write a lot of very exploitive stuff about that. But that would be wrong.
But still. Heavy milk laden breasts. European supermodel trophy wife. Champagne filled celebrations. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I believe OH was the crux on which the whole thing rested. In time, we'll know, for sure.
But your point about Trump is what I meant about the skew. Trump is not going be quiet, to take it, to be a gentleman. He'll fight it the way he fought Cruz.
And, yes, those heavy milk laden breasts.
how did it go?
Ah! Wet-nurse, charming Wet-nurse, my doctoring is the very humble slave of your nursery, and I would gladly be the lucky little baby to suckle the milk (He puts a hand on her breast) of your good graces. All my remedies, all my knowledge, all my skills, are at your service…
Ed channels his inner Humbert Humbert.
No, but that little passage always stuck with me over the years since Renaissance Drama 101.
The wetnurse in the play is about 32 or so and always quite abundant.
PS With 96% in, Bernie still holds the lead in KY.
They can't call KY even though Cacklepants leads by 1%.
Even if they do give her the state (and Bernie's a fool if he doesn't get a recount), it's lost to her for November. 8 years ago she won it, now she's lost a quarter of a million votes that were hers then.
You guys want a convention that confirms your pasts.
I'd prefer a republican onvention that looks to the future of my kid and his cohort, a small though significant part of whom are being raised very much according to the principles that you guys have been suggesting for a couple-so decades at least, and certainly according to your so-called election principles over the past 8+-so years (again, at least).
I'd suggest that you be clear about that. We have been, we are, and we will continue to tend to the notion that it's both about skills and knowledge. We are not raising our kid to be a snob. We are raising him to have skills. We are also raising him to get a college degree (for his benefit, not ours, btw, tbc).
---
Sometimes I wonder about all of you older guys and the occasional gals: Is it really that, at the end of the day, you've come to the point at which you defend your own subsidies more than the principles you used to insist that everyone else ought, should and must adopt? Indeed: I do wonder about that, and for very good reason.
I came into this thread and all I got out of it was that Troop admires Ivanka's boobies and then I started thinking about her boobies too and then, i had some cookies with milk and started watching kung fu movies on netflix. My day is complete.
Heh. Exactly, Methadras.
1. Bless your heart, adult to adult.
2. Fuck off, you non-raising a mid-highschooler in the reality of today's world.
3. I entirely acknowledge that you and yours have all of the power, all of the right, all of the might, online and not just here at Lem's, for example.
Anyway: Don't worry, never mind, though, dear Methadras: There's -0- chance that you won't continue to be supported, financially, via the likes of me and mine.
I have grandchildren, douche-comma-hell, and while I am somewhat concerned about the world in which they will grow up, my children are communists and muslim sympathizers, so fuck them. Seriously, they hate America, so I am leaving my estate to the NRA. My heirs won't get a dime of mine.
And thanks for your continued effort on my behalf - I will spend the money you give me wisely. 7.62x39 is a bargain.
Heh.
My dad's been a lifetime NRA for decades, and we are such a member, too. See, you keep assuming and therefore you keep trying to zing in ways that make no damn sense on account of their utter disconnection from the facts of the case. LOL. You haven't been paying attention, on account of your assumptions. Anyone who's been around a while knows that we are not just guns-rights supporters, we actually own guns--and that both I, and my son, not to mention my parents, first learned to shoot in early elementary school days.
You are silly in your taunt; however, you are welcome for the cash. I am sorry about your kids, but, what the hell: They are not my concern any more than mine is yours.
*shrug*
Right?
It is impossible to make assumptions about you - your writing is barely cogent, much less intelligible, and your reading skills are worse.
But thanks for playing.
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