The first wife of a president to campaign for her husband was Lucretia Garfield who campaigned for her husband James. It was considered vulgar and low class for women to engage in politics but Mrs. Garfield was a free spirit who delighted in mocking convention. This was because of her prior life in a geek show where she was a star performer because of the fact she had two vaginas. Young Colonel Garfield met her in New York when he was in charge of the troops that were sent to suppress the Draft Riots during the dark days of the civil war. They were introduced by Tom Thumb the world’s smallest man who owed a great debt to Lucretia as she had sheltered him in her vestigial vagina when he was trying to avoid an angry mob of rioters. Mrs. Garfield toured twenty states and was particularly popular in Wisconsin because of her love of cheese. Which she also stored in her vestigial vagina and began a practice that endures to this very day. The Garfield’s had a legendary love story that is much neglected today because of the fact the details are so outré. It of course ended tragically when President Garfield was assassinated by a disappointed orifice seeker.
(First Ladies on the Stump by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).
4 comments:
Mrs. Garfield toured twenty states and was particularly popular in Wisconsin because of her love of cheese. Which she also stored in her vestigial vagina and began a practice that endures to this very day.
Is this where Velveeta comes from?
Next in the series
First Ladies On The Trump.
They should have nicknamed Cruz Titanic, not because of any impressive size (well, ego, maybe), but because it's beginning to look like he's sinking by the bow.
Unlike Barry, whose classmates remember him not at all, Ted's remember him all too well. When the nicest thing anyone of them could say was, "A walking personality disorder who ran for president", you know you've got a problem.
PS The allegations must be true. The Cruz crowd is engineering all manner of dirty tricks to steal delegates from Trump. Looks like they're getting ready to toss his Mr Christian image out the window when the truth comes out.
And then there's idiot Glenn Beck, who sounds like he's looking for a way out.
PPS You can't make up this stuff.
Is this where Velveeta comes from?
I think it's called fromunda cheese.
As soon as I clicked on this, my Pandora link played "The Late John Garfield Blues" sung by John Prine. What are the odds?
Post a Comment