What men want

"Fifty Shades" allows women, if only in their fantasies, to finally surrender control. It gives them permission to let a man call the shots, and to learn that not only can this be an aphrodisiac..."grants women access to the deepest parts of a man’s soul. And that’s what most women want.

Is access to the deepest part of a man's soul what most women want?

"Indeed, the dominance/submission theme of "Fifty Shades of Grey" makes the perfect backdrop for the ongoing debate about gender equality. What does this phrase even mean? In any relationship, the man and the woman have equal value. But they can’t both drive the same car—it won’t move. One must lead, and the other must follow. It doesn’t always have to be the man who leads. But more often than not, that’s what works.

 The truth is, the battle of the sexes isn’t about equality—it’s about who’s going to surrender to whom. Those are two different things. When a woman stops trying to be in charge of everything, which in reality is making her nuts, she finds she’s more satisfied than ever. She feels lighter. She feels cared for.

She feels empowered.

"The battle of the sexes isn't about equality---it's about who is going to surrender to whom." I'm not up to speed on philosophy, is this a tautology?

This is an entirely new idea. Decades of feminist propaganda have insisted that empowerment means being in control at all times. That is how a woman proves her worth. But it’s one thing to take control of your own life and quite another to control your man. The latter never works. What does work in love is deference. Respect. Trust.

 Of course, that means being vulnerable, which women don’t like—they associate it with being weak. Because of this, many women have their dukes up rather than their guards down. 

But in "Fifty Shades," women are shown that letting one’s guard down is, in fact, the answer. Being deferential toward your man doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice. It means you respect him and are willing to yield to his judgment. Not all the time, perhaps, but much of it. In doing so, a woman finds a man opening up to her in a way he otherwise wouldn’t. And that’s where love can be found.

This is not at entirely new idea. Christian writers have been stressing the idea of wifely submission to husbands for a long time. And using same language; a ship can't have two captains, etc. Which is fine. 

But I get the sense this is another angle on the diminution of the male in the form of the soft bigotry of low expectations. Give them not what is their due, but what will bolster their egos. 

This article is written by Suzanne Venker, founder of Women for Men, a men's rights advocate group.