Research has shown that your talent for happiness is, to a large degree, determined by your genes. Psychology professor David T. Lykken, author of Happiness: Its Nature and Nurture, says that "trying to be happier is like trying to be taller." We each have a "happiness set point," he argues, and move away from it only slightlyWith this.
And yet, psychologists who study happiness -- including Lykken -- believe we can pursue happiness. We can do this by thwarting negative emotions such as pessimism, resentment, and anger. And we can foster positive emotions, such as empathy, serenity, and especially gratitude.It's in your genes, got that? Wait, no, it's up to us to pursue happiness because happiness can be found, seemingly without regard to your genes. Or perhaps this is just professor David T. Lykken making himself happy by saying contradictory things about peoples' ability to be happy. Whatever. One more reason not to trust psychologists.
*Interruption for an aside. Do you know what you never see parked in front of a psychologist's offices? Horses and motorcycles. End interruption*
The WebMD article lists seven steps a person can take in order to be happy, presuming that you are not now happy, and have some desire to become happy. If you are happy being unhappy, none of this applies.
Don't Worry, Choose Happy
Cultivate Gratitude
Foster Forgiveness
Counteract Negative Thoughts and Feelings
Remember, Money Can't Buy Happiness
Foster Friendship
Engage in Meaningful ActivitiesThat list seems like a good start, but (at least for me) seems rather incomplete. I'd add a few things to the list I learned along the way that contribute to my happiness. Here's a start:
Be truthful in all things
Live simply and below your means, although everyone goes through times of having little or no means
Be not afraid to love others openly and without reservation
Love God, hate Satan
Get out of debt, then stay out of debt
Don't buy things you don't need in order to impress people you don't know
Leave your home life at home and your work life at work
Never drink alcohol at office parties, nor stay longer than 90 minutes
Turn everything off for one hour every evening to rest, read, meditate and reflect.Most of us here at Lem's are in our middle years and have learned a bit about happiness along the way. What have you learned that you can add to the list?
24 comments:
It's become an overused phrase, but live in the moment. I was blessed w/ a glass half full attitude and an ability to just live in the moment. I routinely will sit for 5-10 minutes and just watch nature, blocking out everything else.
Understand that it's very rarely all about you.
Live simply and below your means, although everyone goes through times of having little or no means
and Get out of debt and stay out of debt
I really do think that takes a lot of the stress out of life.
Never drink alcohol at office parties, nor stay longer than 90 minutes
If only more people followed this rule.
But, the end is near.
You can't move to the next chapter of your life if you're constantly re-reading the last chapter.
I made that up long ago while briefly dating someone who wouldn't stop talking about the guy who dumped her.
Problem is, I was sitting here reading this and my wine glass was getting a lot less than half full ... OK, now that it's full again -
Lincoln said something like "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
When I take my long walks with the dogs in the morning, I had been thinking myself into a depressed funk about work, the kids, the checkbook, the economy, politics. To change this bad habit, I now make myself repeat this quote several times, and then I get to thinking about how this man, who knew boatloads more sorrow and depression than most of us ever will, could make this observation. It's been doing a lot for my attitude lately.
Haz, We are sympatico. I look upon life as a series of adjustments. Going to school is the first big one. Then Middle School is a big one, that's where you lose a lotta kids. High school, then college, a really big one. Marriage is big, having kids is big, then empty nest, retirement, erectile dysfunction, balding, incontinence. Within this framework there are many permutations; divorce, death..the death of a child being the toughest adjustment of all. Drinking is one. I saw many friends who never made the adjustment from college style drinking to adult social drinking.
Those who are able to make these adjustments and always be moving forward, learning from the past but not dwelling on it, have happy lives. Those who don't have unhappy to miserable lives.
Wait, no, it's up to us to pursue happiness because happiness can be found, seemingly without regard to your genes. Or perhaps this is just professor David T. Lykken making himself happy by saying contradictory things about peoples' ability to be happy. Whatever. One more reason not to trust psychologists.
I notice nowadays that a lot of scientifically illiterate people have trouble with multi-causality.
Just because a phenomenon is contingent on two (or more) factors doesn't mean they contradict each other. To say that would be like declaring a mechanic to be untrustworthy because he told you your car needs both gasoline AND a working transmission system to run. AND an engine! AND wheels! Imagine that!
Make up your mind, Sir! It's got to be one OR the other!
But the post is interesting.
Ritmo, What if a mechanic says you need a rebuilt engine, transmission, rear end, etc. Then he would almost certainly be a lying sack o' shit.
Maybe. But if you'd just had it totaled then the scenario's plausible. However, under normal maintenance conditions more than two things needing that much work is usually suspect.
Anyway, my analogy was about what's needed to work in the first place. Yours is about what might need repairs on (what one assumes was once) a previously functional car.
Happiness is not on my list of priorities. I just deal with day-to-day things. If I’m happy, I’m happy–and if I’m not, I don’t know the difference.
~Bob Dylan
Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so. - JS Mill
Nick, I'd expect that in your work you see things that led to the opposite of happiness. Bad examples are as instructive as good examples.
Haz, I had never really noticed it but about 10 years ago I was having drinks w/ a friend. He knew all the death, greed, lies, etc. I dealt w/ and asked, "How in the fuck are you not jaded?" The only answer I have is my faith in God and that I firmly believe people are basically good. Virtually all the pain in this world is caused by the seven deadly sins. Avoid them and those who are consumed by them, and you should do alright.
What a surprise. The bozo genius who imagines himself smart despite all evidence comes in and says someone here is stupid.
If you weren't so desperate to try and show us you're not an idiot all the time, we might not notice so much.
Here is the quote: "trying to be happier is like trying to be taller." We each have a "happiness set point," he argues, and move away from it only slightly With this.
And yet, psychologists who study happiness -- including Lykken -- believe we can pursue happiness. "
These are two contradictory points. One or both might be false, but they can't both be true.
And likewise you couldn't prove yourself smart anymore than you can try to be taller. It's not your fault, but you are wasting your time in the effort.
I really don't care what a jerk whose parents hated and abandoned him think. I don't care what someone who spends his life trying to overcome the insecurity of that upbringing, while continuously proving how beneath the likes of decent men like Bill Gates he is - I don't care what people like that think. They will never be satisfied with themselves anyway.
But I do care about accuracy when it comes to important ideas.
If a psychologist used height as an analogy, then it was a bad analogy for happiness. But to say that a Maserati has a range of speeds that is different from a Volvo's range of speeds - even though they both are capable of going faster than 20 mph - those aren't contradictory statements. They're better analogies than height, however, as they're not fixed entities. Instead, they simply have different ranges.
Get a brain and stop thinking that insulting my intelligence (your opinion of which I don't care about anyway) will lead you to a better understanding of things and contributions that are accurate and intelligent. You make an ass of yourself and just show how insecure a person you are - and how insecure your parents made you.
I maintain happiness by only skimming childish comments put up by Ritmo.
What a surprise. The bozo genius who imagines himself smart despite all evidence comes in and says someone here is stupid.
(…)
And likewise you couldn't prove yourself smart anymore than you can try to be taller. It's not your fault, but you are wasting your time in the effort.
If it makes you happy to pretend that those aren't childish things to say, Michael - then more power to your ability to believe in things that aren't true.
You know, Ritmo, I never really said I was talking about you, but if you saw yourself in that, I understand.
Set and spike, bagoh20.
Well played.
I was very poor growing up and well into my adult life. I've found that money can give you a profound sense of well being and virtue. Looking back I can see that many of the problems I had when younger were more a function of lack of money than lack of character. It's truly amazing the amount of solace money can bring to a troubled soul.
1. Open a new file in your computer.
2. Name it 'Barack Obama'.
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.
4. Empty the Recycle Bin.
5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of Barack Obama?'
6. Firmly Click 'YES'
7. Feel better?
GOOD - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi
Post a Comment