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| Be a dear and fetch me my apron. |
And I don't want to sit here with a tiny knife peeling and coring these little sons-of-bitches to make a tiny little crabapple pie. So I've done what I can; if you'd like to play along, you'll need:
Apple brandy (I have a nice calvados), about 1.5 shot glasses worth
Maple syrup, maybe a teaspoon, or two
Several crabapples, full of worms and bugs
Cream soda, to top up (maybe one shot glass of it)
Nutmeg, pinch
Ice, cubed and crushed
Proportions aren't critical here, because I've only done a few trials. All I know is that you should go easy on the maple syrup or it overpowers everything.
Technique after the jump:
Slice the crabapples in sections, avoiding the core. That way you don't have to core the little bastards. You have to cut them up or they're too hard to muddle; and you have to avoid the seeds or they'll go through the strainer into the drink. (No, I'm not trying to avoid cyanide in the seeds. If anything I consider anything actually poisonous a plus in a cocktail -- see venom, toad.)
Muddle the shit out of those fuckers in the bottom of a shaker. Crush their spirit; muddle them so hard the tree outside feels it.
Pour in the calvados and shake with cubed ice; add the syrup and shake a little more.
Strain over crushed ice in a short glass; top off with cream soda (not too much -- the volume of cream soda shouldn't be more than half the volume of the liquid from the shaker.) Sprinkle the top with nutmeg (just for smell) and garnish with a crabapple (what the hell, they're free).
We need a name for this crabapple cocktail. Suggestions?
16 comments:
Shit -- and lime, you'll need limes for the mojito.
Light it on fire at serving and call it a Burnin' Worm.
You want innovations in alcoholism, you should check out the hydrating beer some Aussie scientists have cooked up to defeat hangovers.
As I said on another thread:
SCIENCE, bitchez!
You neglected to mention that part of the innovation involves reducing the alcohol percentage of the beer.
How the fuck is that helpful?
I wouldn't think of the crabapples in terms of canning. Don't be so extreme. Try one little jar and see what goes wrong.
Here's the thing. The skin will have pectin and that is what makes turns cooked apple sludge into jam.
Everything awful is made better with sugar even awful awful awful f'n AWFUL rhubarb.
So keep adding sugar until it is no longer awful.
Now you have all that sugar, and you already know what salt does to things like regular apple, so offset all that sugar with at least a touch of salt.
There's two fixes right there.
Add water and boil. Watch what it does. It will thicken on its own. And when it cools it will be twice as thick.
Emersion blenders are perfect for things like this.
So are mini blenders.
Otherwise mash the living h-e-double hockey sticks out of it. Leave chunks if you like. Are the bits of skin so bad? Strain them.
Consider punching out the flavor profile with things like cinnamon, ginger, butter for body, possibly clove in faint amount, allspice for suggestions. Raisins, craisins, nuts, lime or lemon if it is not already too tart.
I've become fond of cardamom, but not the husks, the itty-bitty black seeds inside the husks. They taste like licorice on steroids, when you bite one tiny seed it goes BLAM black licorice all over your mouth and breath, and the flavor nearly lost when cooked, so one tiny smashed seed would completely change the whole thing. If you buy it in a jar you get ground up husks.
Then spread it on toast until it is gone and don't think of canning or jars or storage. Also you can do this with pretty much any fruit.
You neglected to mention that part of the innovation involves reducing the alcohol percentage of the beer.
How the fuck is that helpful?
Come on, it's the first iteration. They'll figure it out: THEY'RE AUSTRALIAN!
Chip, I have a stick blender I've never used yet. Bought specifically for soap making.
Pasta. You are a true artist.
Name?
Nutty Meg
When I grow up I want to be just like Pastafarian.
That photo is very horrible and disturbing. I hate what people do to animals.
When I Grow Up I Want That Strange Man in the White Dodge Van to Stop Following Me.
I have to admit that the guy with the hyena looks legitimately bad*ss.
Then spread it on toast until it is gone and don't think of canning or jars or storage.
That might take me 20 years.
I went to dindin tonight at a very exclusive expensy restaurant populated by MIT and Harvard profs and to my delight saw a young woman having scallops as her tits were resting on the tables. I totally saw her silver dollar erect hard nipples near the organic butter.
Do any of you red state, hick, stupid, neaderthal Jesusland fucks get to see that?
AprilApple said...
That photo is very horrible and disturbing. I hate what people do to animals.
This
Blogger Synova said...
I have to admit that the guy with the hyena looks legitimately bad*ss.
And this.
Titus said...
I went to dindin tonight at a very exclusive expensy restaurant populated by MIT and Harvard profs and to my delight saw a young woman having scallops as her tits were resting on the tables. I totally saw her silver dollar erect hard nipples near the organic butter.
Do any of you red state, hick, stupid, neaderthal Jesusland fucks get to see that?
I think there should be a blog post on why you talk like an infant.
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