Recovering from coma into Trumptopia

In which conservatives take up the art of satire.

How to do satire.

Take a few elements of the things that you notice and exaggerate them and act like it's normal. 

Or take several.

Heretofore conservatives have been terrible at satire. Far too in-you-face, far too on-the-nose. They tended to explain their satire as if their audience might miss it or as if they're too dumb to sort it. 

But that was normal for them. 

I see conservatives advancing in satire. 

Honestly, sometimes I despaired at my own family and all of their friends. All of them.

An example might be illustrative.

We all went out to breakfast as we did nearly every weekend and then later nearly every day. My mother was just so over fixing meals and cleaning it all up. 

We called each other, got in our cars and met at some specified place.

My brother lived in town, my sister did too, the rest came and went, other relatives visited. This time the group was a large one so we went to Racine's that could seat us all at one table. The scene is Racine's. The old one, not the new place. 

The group included a niece visiting from Pennsylvania, an average middle-age woman of ordinary intelligence, and a roommate of my brother. A nice guy. Another construction worker, another of his electrician compatriots. Latino. He used to walk great distances all the time. Very quiet and easy going guy.

I told a joke that is universally hilarious. 

But it requires a bit of cognition. 

It doesn't say the punchline. That is inferred. From the pictures that form in your mind and the impressions that form as the joke is told. 

If pictures and impressions don't form by themselves then you won't get the joke. I didn't know that until I told the joke to my family. 

Their jokes are the kind that make someone look stupid. Their jokes are overt. Their jokes are pie-in-the-face jokes, someone must get hurt, their jokes make them feel better about themselves, or else it's not a joke. 

If any thought is required then the joke fails. I did not know that until this moment. Jokes are overtly funny things put into your ears. No brain activity required. 

Two guys live together but they're not out and one of the guy's mother suspects her son is gay. 

They invite her for brunch at their house. (Brunch. First clue that her suspicion is correct.)

They enjoy brunch together. She leaves. 

Later, the roommate reports their silver spatula is missing. He suspects the guy's mother stole it. It's the only possible explanation. It was here, she visited, now it's missing. Conclusion: mother stole it.

The joke is stretched out, all this painstakingly described.

The guy calls his mother. Very uncomfortable conversation. He says, "I know you didn't do this, Ma, but my roommate insists that I ask you. Did you take the silver spatula when you visited last week?"

The mother answers, "No, I did not steal your precious silver spatula. But if you two boys were sleeping in separate beds then you'd know where your spatula is." 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, OMG, she busted him.

So everyone goes whom I told this joke to. Except my own family. They sat there line stones.

(See, she hid the spatula in her son's bed. Where he'd be sure to find it if he slept there. But he doesn't sleep in his own bed so he didn't find it. It's joke! Okay? )

I became angry with them for not laughing at something that everyone laughs at. 

I addressed them all, all at once. 

"Goddamnit. That does it. I'm not ever going to tell you guys another joke. Ever! That was universally funny. It's never failed! Except with you. ALL of you! New rule: no more jokes for you. Now I'm cross with you. ALL of you." 

9/10 of my bon mots go right past them. They're a wasted audience. Except for my two brothers. While everyone else that I know are all bent laughing at the most perfectly ordinary common things. I don't even have to try. Their minds are already there, opened to hilarious moments, and quite funny themselves. 

James' roommate felt bad at not laughing. He said, "Okay. What's a spatula?"

Now, that's f'k'n funny!

I tried not to laugh. But a 35-year-old electrician who doesn't know what the word spatula means is just too funny. I know that it's rude to laugh at someone's vacant education, but come on, you don't have to be caucasian, or even have a 1st grade education, to know what a spatula is. It's a word that everyone knows. Why didn't he? 

All the other family members, I suppose, are just not used to jokes that don't spell. it. all. out. 

Can you see now how God or Nature or whatever placed me into the wrong family purposefully to vex me? 

I used to pray about this. "God, why did you do this?"

And the answer seems to be it's best all around for all our collective spiritual advancement. As family. As I learn to deal with their vexations upon me, so too do they learn to deal with mine upon them, and we do all of this in love. All of us together advance more quickly and efficiently and more concentratedly this way. And it's a harmless arrangement. Nobody gets killed.