Eh, that's not so bad.
But this is embarrassing.
On so many levels.
Two levels.
The lame-ass throw and the hat.
My brother would say he throws like a girl.
But that's a myth!
And I should point out that time my brother said that I throw like a girl I actually out-threw him. We were throwing rocks over a cliff as you do and I'm all ha ha ha I throw farther than you and he's all, you throw like a girl. And that assessment haunted me for decades thereafter for I trusted him.
Later, I'd look back at all the crap that guy told me and how sorely he misled me and I realized how badly my trust was misplaced. He was always messing with my head. But then, I really was bugging the living piss out of him. I honestly don't know how he stood me. Can you imagine having a guy like me tagging along everywhere you go asking you a million questions a minute, dragging you down?
Like an anchor.
Dragging along a stupid little anchor who can't do anything and has to have everything explained.
He raised me as much as my parents did. No he didn't. Yes he did. No he didn't. Yes he did.
Obviously we were both raised by the same parents but he had the additional burden of me. I got everything that he earned. Like later bedtime for example. Freedom to roam for another. We both got watches at the same time. I didn't have to wait a year and a half. Whatever responsibility he earned automatically devolved to me. He blazed my trail. So for him to tell me I throw like a girl, ew, that's just so damning, like Jesus said that. I honored everything he told me. I trusted fully.
And he was so full of shit.
He was a boy!
He told me the clouds move because Jesus is up there on top of them pushing them around with a stick. And for years I looked for Jesus in the clouds.
But that was because I asked him, and that was his best answer.
He told me that he and our parents took a drive before I woke up and the wheels of the car extended outward and they rode over the top of the bridge structure formed as two arches. So I should start waking up earlier so I don't miss all the fun.
And I'm all, "I WANT TO DO THAT TOO!"
But that's a myth!
And I should point out that time my brother said that I throw like a girl I actually out-threw him. We were throwing rocks over a cliff as you do and I'm all ha ha ha I throw farther than you and he's all, you throw like a girl. And that assessment haunted me for decades thereafter for I trusted him.
Later, I'd look back at all the crap that guy told me and how sorely he misled me and I realized how badly my trust was misplaced. He was always messing with my head. But then, I really was bugging the living piss out of him. I honestly don't know how he stood me. Can you imagine having a guy like me tagging along everywhere you go asking you a million questions a minute, dragging you down?
Like an anchor.
Dragging along a stupid little anchor who can't do anything and has to have everything explained.
He raised me as much as my parents did. No he didn't. Yes he did. No he didn't. Yes he did.
Obviously we were both raised by the same parents but he had the additional burden of me. I got everything that he earned. Like later bedtime for example. Freedom to roam for another. We both got watches at the same time. I didn't have to wait a year and a half. Whatever responsibility he earned automatically devolved to me. He blazed my trail. So for him to tell me I throw like a girl, ew, that's just so damning, like Jesus said that. I honored everything he told me. I trusted fully.
And he was so full of shit.
He was a boy!
He told me the clouds move because Jesus is up there on top of them pushing them around with a stick. And for years I looked for Jesus in the clouds.
But that was because I asked him, and that was his best answer.
He told me that he and our parents took a drive before I woke up and the wheels of the car extended outward and they rode over the top of the bridge structure formed as two arches. So I should start waking up earlier so I don't miss all the fun.
And I'm all, "I WANT TO DO THAT TOO!"
What a f'k'n liar!
Did my 5-year-old older brother not imagine that lie wouldn't stick with me for the next 63 years?
Goddamnit. How could a guy forget a missed opportunity like this?
Mythbusters. The "throw like a girl myth"
When I tell my older brother this now he just laughs at me like the whole thing is terribly funny. He doesn't feel a trace of guilt. What an asshole.
7 comments:
We taught our daughters to throw footballs to learn to throw a baseball. That's how men learn how to throw, not like a girl.
Yesterday, How It's Made ran an episode about making footballs.
Very interesting. Every aspect is interesting.
Then they get to the part about lacing and they say, each football is double laced because that's where the player sets their fingers to put spin on the ball.
And I'm sitting here at home going, so that's what they're for.
This whole time I thought the laces were just part of how they made the football. You have to finish stitching somewhere. I had no idea their purpose was for throwing it.
Had only someone explained that to me then I'd have been a better football thrower. I knew about spinning it. But I did not know that's what the laces are for. I was thinking this thing would spin better without these bumps in the way.
You obliviously love your brother very much.
You sound like a girl.
Makes me miss President MomJeans!
j/k.
The Japs, or Japanese if we're being all PC, and Koreans have incredibly sexy women throwing the first pitch. That's the only thing in their culture that's done better than ours. Oh yeah, and they make better hairbrushes..
Throws like a German.
WWII GI's had a hand grenade advantage owing to baseball.
How i-i-i-i-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g.
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