Telephone manners

Some things about getting old make you worse and other things make you better but certainly you already know that.

It's like that old saying goes, an old dog really can teach itself new tricks all the time.

My bank card was declined. What a f'k'n bummer!

So I pulled another card but the place doesn't take Discover.

And then I remembered that I intended to pay cash so why did I even pull the cards? Duh!

But still my card was declined. So what went wrong?

The bank's automated system said to listen to the list of recent charges to see if they're all legit.

$17.00 at Amazon
$60.00 at Oliver's
$149.00 at Trader Joe's
$89.00 at Zerflekbinfulpgarbenze declined
$89.00 at Zerflekbinfulpgarbenze declined
$16.00 at City Market declined.

What was that? Those two at Zerflekbinfulpgarbenze don't sound familiar.

Press 3 if any of the charges are bogus.

Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold. 5 minutes
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold. 10 minutes
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold.
Please hold. 15 minutes

Here's where I come w-a-a-a-a-a-a-y out of character.

Usually, up to yesterday, I'd get pissed off and hang up. Or the agent answers and I'm out of my mind from waiting so long and in no mood to even try being civil. But instead I couldn't quite believe what came out of my mouth.

"Thank you for taking my call."

I must have heard that on t.v. or something because it's not the sort of thing that I'd think of myself. I must be imitating somebody else. I'm pretending to be someone else. It is not in my character.

But it made all the difference in the world, right from the start. That one simple thing that's somebody else's idea.

The man said, "Oh no problem at all. That's what we're here for; to take calls."

It must have blown his mind. I'll bet you $10.00 he NEVER hears that.

I told him the  Zerflekbinfulpgarbenze charges didn't sound familiar. He told me they are for eye salve.

What kind of salve?

"Eye" salve.

Yeah, no, yeah, that's impossible. That's bogus. I didn't do that. Man, this bank sure is ace for catching that. I wonder how they do it.

"What about this one for $5.00?"

That is legitimate. But it's from a totally bogus advertisement. The marketing is just awful. It's Keto pills, free sample, I pay shipping. I actually got those pills. And those crazy things really work too. But their advertisement is obvious scam. It's where they show you one thing; a guy mixing apple cider vinegar with baking soda, and that really is a legitimate thing, my brother does that, but when you click through it's 10,000 testimonials from celebrities and one regular woman who lost 900 lbs right before her wedding and made her new husband cry when she walked down the aisle because her new thin beauty was such a shock and emotionally unbearable.

And I wanted to see apple cider vinegar and baking soda. I'm curious what they do with that.

But oddly, the capsules really do work.

I bought some from Amazon and took half dosage by mistake and each morning I could actually see the fat melt away. Like potato a peeler going past the potato skin and making the potato thinner by one slice each day, day after day. It was awesome! Watching the fat on my body disappear.

Then the 30 pills ran out and I renewed them but mistakenly got pills instead of capsules and the formulation is different. That's the bottle I"m nearly finished. Then this advertisement, and I got those pills and the third formulation is different from the previous two.

They're weird.

"Well, that's it then. That's most likely where the charges came from. We'll send you a new card through the mail. Hold onto your hat. Legally, I have to tell you bunch of stuff right now. The bottom line, though, when I'm done spewing this legal suff, just make sure to check your mail and read the letters, and sign a form if you're asked to and mail it back."

Okay.

"So with that out of the way, I want to talk to you about Keto diet."

Then he went on and on and on and on and on about how the Keto diet worked for him but not for his dad who can not comply with its restriction on carbs. His dad loves his bread. His dad loves his pasta, his dad loves his potatoes, his dad cannot give up his biscuits.  He spoke to me as if he had found a new friend with common interest with whom he can discuss his own new discovery and the effect it had on his life, how his life is improved by his new diet, his new comprehension of food and why Keto works so well for some people and not for others.

After waiting so long on hold, the sort of thing that previously would just flat piss me off in addition to being scammed by the bogus marketing and drag of waiting for a new card, and new security code, the phone call was actually pleasant and gracious and interesting and fun.

And I'm certain, all because of that opening, someone else's, not mine.

"Thank you for taking my call."