Fettuccine Alfredo

Carla with Bon Appétit demonstrates the simplest of all noodle dishes.

It goes:
Italian
Italian
Italian
Italian
French, "ha ha the cheese, *curtsey* Monsieur, thank you.
Italian
Italian
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Italian

Do not use cream, never use cream, cream is unnecessary, pasta water and cheese makes the sauce, no cream, disregard cream, cream is unnecessary, cream is wrong, I never use cream, you should never use cream, just don't ever use cream, cream is stupid, only mongs use cream, cream is wrong, cream is wasteful, Italians never use cream for this, cream is un-Italian, you're a dope if you use cream, cream is for amateurs, cream is bad, you already have cheese and butter, stop using cream, put away the cream, stop cooking if you use cream, step away from the cream.

Ever notice how cooks tend to become a little bit dogmatic sometimes?

One day a long time ago when I was a young man the whole world opened up to new possibilities.  After work I stepped into an upscale restaurant on a side street off the 16th Street mall and ordered fettuccine Alfredo for the first time. I had no idea what I would be getting. It came with very good bread and I appreciate that and the thick wide noodles were swimming in cream sauce and had some type of green vegetable in it, steamed broccoli or asparagus or possibly peas that turned it into something near to pasta primavera. Legally speaking. It was not the authentic Bon Appétit conceit seen here but it was a revelation to me. It was the best noodle thing that I had ever eaten.

Wow. The simple things that can be done with pasta. I never knew. I hadn't grown up with this.

As it cooled the entire mass turned into a single bulk.

I drizzled some water on it and it became slippery again and I resumed marveling at this profound epiphany.

Note: Carla says "it's not going to become completely creamy because the ratio of water to fat is very high on the water side."

She's fastidious with butter. One little piece that would go on toast.

Her pasta water has starch in it that sloughed from the pasta. Had she scooped the water after the noodles were cooked further then the water would have more starch in it. When she adds the noodles to the sauce then boom there is a lot more starch that thickens the sauce immediately, and as the plate of noodles and sauce cool together then the sauce becomes glue binding the noodles and the two become one.

I simply heat heavy cream, and add butter and dry mustard because I love those things. All that comes from my first taste at the downtown restaurant that blew my mind so hard. But the real key to the whole thing is authentic Parmigiano-Reggiano. It is expensive when compared to other grocery store cheese but it is worth every cent. Good cheese is aged and tended carefully, it really is worth its cost.

If the pasta starts to cool and get thick on the plate at the table then I drizzle pasta water to loosen it.

You can toss a few vegetables in with the pasta as it cooks. What the heck. It's not going to kill you. And your plate is automatically more visually appealing.

You can fortify your noodles by cracking an egg onto them and stirring it in after the noodles are added to to sauce, off the heat, allowing the heat of the pasta and sauce to cook the egg.