smart phone

So I sez to the the doctors's assistant, I sez, "had I known this smart phone would be abused so massively by global marketers using computers to create phantom numbers just to annoy me, I'd never have signed on.

That was an exaggeration. I'd still sign on. But it's the whole world doing this. A computer dials and if it is answered then the call is turned over to a phone farm in India. But they cannot do anything with you except verify and then turn you over again to another agent with better language skills on other continent, usually in Britain. So first you get Apu in India, and then you get Emma Thompson in Britain. Who would even do business that way?

Bridget goes, "I know!"

* twinkle-twinlke diddly diddly dink, twinkle-twinkle diddly diddly dink *

"What's that?

"My phone." She is so annoyed. She looks at her phone, she answers it, "LOOSE THE NUMBER!"

The computer that dialed her isn't bothered. Didn't even hear her. Neither was any human given a piece of Bridget's mind. The connection hadn't gone through. "Insurance. I don't need any insurance. And if I did need insurance, I'd already have it." Odd that it happed just as I was speaking about it. "Oh, they do this fifteen times a day."

"Fifteen times? Really?

"Eight times. Certainly. Yes."

The doctor comes in. I'm regaling him with recent exploits. He really brightens up the more explicit I get. "Oh, that reminds me..." Then he tells me a similar exploit that blew his mind when it happened. We're having a great conversation. He really likes me. I'm cracking him up telling him about a previous girlfriend who carried slight body fat. I woke up and played with it. I used my own body fat to describe and show how I made her body fat jiggle while making Jello sound effects and annoying the piss out of her. She hated that but I was having fun. She was self-conscious about her extra weight and I was playing with its. "KNOCK IT OFF!"

I had never touched body fat before. I never could work any up myself. It was a matter of intense interest. I wanted to watch how it moved.  

"SHUT UP,  I'M PLAYING."Jiggle giggle jiggle boing boing boing, brrrrrrrt. "STOP IT!" 

"NO." 

The doctor was cracking up because my own stomach was extended, he had me lay back on his exam table, and I was making it jiggle and he carries extra weight himself, and I'm laying there playing with my own body fat.  Then his phone rang.

"Goddamnit! It's a Colorado number so I have to answer it because it could be a patient in trouble. Student loan payments. I've never had any student loan. These bastards call fifteen times a day."

"Really? Fifteen times?"

"Yes. At least fifteen times every day."

Twice in the span of five minutes. I'm having a medical appointment, and even though they're not calling me, they're still interrupting intruding on my time with my medical team. The most I've received is four in one day and I considered that a major annoyance. But they're getting it lot worse than I am. It made me feel better. And worse at the same time.

We wondered, what's it going to take to have this stop?