How to butcher an entire cow

These cows?

These cows?

There are  a lot these 'music played to cows" videos on YouTube. 

First we amuse you, then we kill you, dismember you and eat you!

We sell your body in little chunks. The whole thing. Over and over to the hundreds of thousands. To the millions upon millions of cows. [cows music]

Plus this guy is such a liar with his big ol' lying pants on fire. He said he'd show us how to butcher an entire cow but he only shows us half a cow. Pffft. What a ripoff. 

I get a little bit triggered watching this, a little bit ill. I feel the blood leaving my head, and my body going, "pass out already, why dontcha?" Because I cannot take my eyes off the expert deftness of his macabre craft. He's too handy with his handiwork. He leverages over the side of the table. It's when he uses words that apply to human anatomy that does it, femur, I got two of those too. Scapula, I got them too right there in my back, muscle, I got them! Fascia, that's inside me too. What this man does to this half cow he could do more easily to me and the idea of his expertness at his craft makes me nearly pass out. 

It's enough to turn a guy vegetable tarian. 

Then vegetables get cut up similarly, skinned, shaven, cut this way and that, chopped into chunks, diced and minced, smashed as garlic, cut into planks like potatoes, boiled, fried, microwaved, roasted, grilled,  the things that we do to potatoes is unGodly. 

Maybe I could be a fruit arian.  

We sensitive types tend to diet ourselves to extinction. We're ridiculous. I should have been extinct millennia before I was born. How did it happen that I was even born? It's a mystery -- I must be atavistic this way. 

Fish don't count. 

Because Jesus ate fish. And fish eat fish given half a chance. Biblical scholars argue about this with very strong opinions with their own set of facts to back them, but the simple fact is the Last Supper occurred at that time of year when the Jews of the world traveled to Jerusalem for passover, never mind counting the days, or using specific calendars, or historic references to passover and to seder meals, Jews slaughtered lambs at their temple, the priests sold the lambs, cattle and birds, performed the slaughtering, then sold the meat back to the people. Sold the live lambs, re-sold the paschal lambs. Probably charged for the butchering in between. I don't know. It was business. Big business. Big religious business. They profited at both ends of the industry of their own making, and this sacrificial industry so remote from what what Jesus knew about God is what Jesus protested, the industry of the priesthood over its spiritual mission, when he lifted the rope loop over the gate-post and let the gate open to the pen that caused a stampede through the temple, that's come down to us through Christian teaching as Jesus overturning the money exchanger's tables, another profit activity centered within the temple. Profiting money exchangers inside the walls of the temple, cattle and other livestock inside the temple. The livestock did that table overturning rushing past. Jesus was not angry, he was simply disgusted and making a polemic philosophic spiritual point. A point that the priesthood cannot have. Because it hit them in the only place that they felt anything genuine. Their pocketbooks. Although our teaching gives us the story otherwise. And the Last Supper was actually a lamb-less meatless seder dinner. 

"Where's the lamb?"

"This dinner got no lamb." 

"Okay then. Fine. Just asking." 

I have it on very good authority -- a drunken fallen down ne'er do well, a failure at life,  speaking in a trance to his psychiatrist, channeling spiritual entities in series that have the psychiatrist's rapt attention for its excellent content and for its astonishing cohesion, in vocabulary and thought process that the man doesn't posses.  For months on end it blew the psychiatrists own mind and everyone whom he shared it with through weekly readings. All  written down over session after session on end and accumulating to 196 papers, each paper leading logically to the next, comprising the Book of Urantia's 2,100 pages, all that to comprehend the ending, with the story of Jesus of Nazareth taking the last 800 pages. So there. [paper 179, the last supper] 

I can see why my annoying philosophical friend gave up butchering and became an even more annoying vegetarian until he blew that act too by scarfing fist fulls of rumaki.

I make the best rumaki ever. The tricks are to use fresh water chestnut for crunch, not tinned, and tiny trimmed chunks of chicken liver, not entire halves, and as much brown sugar as your half cooked bacon can hold before baking entirely to finish. It is sooooo last century. Today's hors d'oeuvres would be spiffed up tofu, figs and blanched vegetables and the like. Nothing at all so explosively flavorful and immediately satisfying as old fashion rumaki.