Interviewer: Mr. Mattis, Sir, do you brush your teeth after every meal?
Mattis: I don't get cavities or plaque, cavities and plaque get me.
Interviewer: Have you taken the flu vaccine this year?
Mattis: I don't ever get the flu. The flu gets me.
Interviewer: It's common for men your age to have prostate examinations.
Mattis: I don't get prostate cancer. Prostate cancer gets me.
Interviewer: The deep bags under your eyes are indicative of sustained extreme stress and lack of sleep.
Mattis: I don't get stress and I sleep like a baby. Stress and lack of sleep get me.
Interviewer: General Mattis, when do you plan on retiring?
Mattis: I don't plan on retirement. Retirement plans me.
Interviewer: Why do you keep doing interviews when the only thing you say is you don't do things, rather, things do you?
Mattis: I don't actually do any interviews. Interviews do me.
Interviewer: Now you're not even making any sense.
Mattis: I don't make sense. Sense makes me.
Interviewer: This is getting ridiculous.
Mattis: I am not ridiculous. Ridiculous is me.
16 comments:
Prostate, not prostrate.
Thank you again. Corrected. I do appreciate your fine editing.
This is actually an important subject. A very close friend of mine, closest of all, told me last week that he was just diagnosed with prostate cancer that spread to other things. And he's not the type of guy to take these things sitting downXXXXXXXX stoically. I'm rather bummed outXXXXXXXXX sorrowful myself. No punning around intended, they just keep happening all over the place.
And I know for a fact that he had a prostrateXXXXXXXX prostate checkup just a few years ago because back then I did make a joke about him doing that just for the fun of it. And now I fell bad about joking. And thinking I'm due for a checkup myself.
Yea, if you're prostrate for you prostate exam, then you're getting more than you paid for.
Though not prone to lying prostate, and not having a prostrate, Hillary was very pro-state.
That's men for you. Huge eye bags? So what?
Chip, I'm never trying to be pedantic about such things, but prostate and prostrate are so different; when you get older, you'll understand. 50 is when you start getting checked.
FWIW, the breadth of your interests is (I hate to be cliche) awesome. How many people do hieroglyphics (sp?) who aren't named for states?
PS You always want a woman doctor for your prostate exam. Guys are worried about "nothing personal, pal". Get some sweet lady to do it and you're up for a week.
Chip, Sorry to hear about your friend. The genetic component of a person's cancer is an important component of treatment. Prostate cancer is usually a slow mover. Unfortunately, it appears your friend has a virulent strain. I've read docs are very close to getting approval for Keytruda, one of the new immunotherapy drugs. Chip, these immunotherapy drugs have, in just the past 2-3 years, become a game changer for these aggressive cancers. Unlike chemo that destroys, immunotherapy super charges our immune system, which is an incredibly powerful and sophisticates wonder, to attack these bad cancers. We have cancer cells in our body that our immune system routinely kill quickly. These drugs turn our immune system into a fucking Seal Team. There are side effects, but not as bad as chemo.
Chip, Since docs are still working on Keytruda for prostate cancer, maybe your friend can get into s study?
Never heard of that prostate drug. I'll ask about that. Thanks for the idea.
The tweets on his bags are fun too, with them being ID'd as:
Duffle bags
Moving vans
Sea bags/See bags
With the one that moved me: he's seen some shit, and it's all settled under his eyelids by Brian Lepro
https://twitter.com/unclechaps/status/819573569831182336?lang=en
when you get older, you'll understand. 50 is when you start getting checked.
The ages of those who comment and post here might surprise those who haven't read recent announcements from two who do, with one who appears youthful revealing an accumulation of three score plus, and a quieter sort declaring (at another place) a total that exceeded fourscore and ten.
It's my guess this sort of forum attracts few who are under 50, with those who might be younger than that having experienced in their past a strong sense or appreciation of community or connection to others through words, writing and music.
Almost forgot, chick...congrats on the triple :)
You're the top! You're the Colosseum,
You're the top! You're the Louvre Museum,
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss,
You're a Bendel bonnet, a Shakespeart sonnet,
You're Mickey Mouse.
You're the Nile, You're the Tow'r of Pisa,
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa.
Though not prone to lying prostate, and not having a prostrate, Hillary was very pro-state.
Looks like a quadruple from where I sit, or maybe even a quintuple or possibly a sextuplet especially when it comes to deciding and declaring "Whose the TOP?"!!
Let's see: there's not prone for two, prostate and pro-state as a second pair, and an out of the park double for lying!!
I wouldn't have taken notice of this unusually full count (a triple to the power of two?), were it not for the reference to chickelit's skill at doubles and triples which tracks back to the clubhouse at TY and Althouse where it was first recognized and celebrated. :)
Fun toss and catch!!! No only top at all the places named, but top at TOP and here as well in that arena.
Sometimes a sense of humor is all one has to brighten a bleak situation. I lost a long-time friend not long ago, and over the years I had always told her how much I liked her curly hair. Sometimes she would grow it out long, other times, get it cut short, but then her life was cut short. I visited her in hospice and she was bald. I said "I like what you've done with your hair". She laughed and tears ran down her cheeks. She was a good person and I miss her.
Jesus, Sixty... poignant. As hell.
Humor that includes and acknowledges an element of truth while introducing or allowing room for another perspective can serve a precious gift of grace, with shared laughter as the confirmation of connection. Missing another is sign of goodness present and lost with the potential to be recalled and realized again through story and memory.
It was the humor and understanding in the tweet comments about the bags that touched me as well, a mix of horror and awe along with a willingness to poke fun at that reality while holding a measure of respect.
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