Sunday, August 7, 2016

Mr. Psychologist, I had another bad dream.

A nightmare?

Not really. But as close to that they come. Yes, a nightmare I suppose. They’re horrible. Another with a recurring theme that seems to indicate an unsettled problem illustrated wildly again. It has an impact emotionally. I don’t like it and I don’t see any satisfactory ending. I don’t see what I can change in myself to end this. 

What happens in this dream, in these type of dreams?

I’m with somebody I that I know, both male and female, and we go someplace to participate in something together. It is an innocent outing. Sometimes just a party. Sometimes an event of some kind. Once there I’m abandoned to the crowd. Separated, I’m not concerned with the person having more fun than I am. I’m concerned about the person or people consciously ditching me for whatever reason they have. Mostly preferring not being with me, doing something there without me, because it's more fun for them without me.  Now, within the crowd of people moving around going somewhere doing something that is not fully understood, I can hear the voice of the person or people I am separated from within the crowd, but cannot catch up, cannot rejoin them. And if I do then they ditch me again. Because their mobility is greater than my own and because they are purposefully ditching me. 

As the dream progresses the crowd of people are wholly indifferent, the separation becomes greater as it goes, the frustration more intense, my movement through a crowd or through the landscape or citiyscape, sometimes only a single house, becomes increasing difficult for various reasons. Even abandoning the project, returning home becomes more and more impossible by logistics or physical difficulty until eventually I’m forced awake, frustrated, angry, and deeply saddened all over again. And it’s a very poor way to start out the morning overcoming sadness, reliving the frustration, dealing with psychological anger about a projection that is entirely mental. And I see no real life solution. It appears I am vexed permanently with a feeling of being ditched, of abandonment, and of frustration. 

I HATE people leaving me. It is a deeply personal psychological wound. Even when it's a dream because the dream does overlap what is real. It does illustrate the real thing. 

The same thing does happen in real life and I hate it when it does. It affects relationships poorly.  

How does this make you feel? 

I just told you. Now I'm disgusted. I’m leaving! 

I think I might see a clue to your problem.

Piss off. 

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