What a crazy couple of days. We really kicked ass here in our home state of New York. Lying Ted lost out all over the state. He is about as popular as a Boston Red Sox fan at Yankee Stadium. Donnie was very happy about that. He knew his home peeps would take care of business here in the Empire State.
Now we have to get ready to back on the road. We have a bunch of states in the North East like Jersey and Rhode Island and Maryland and Delaware. Plus Pennsylvania. So we should do pretty good out there. There are plenty of angry white guys who lost their jobs who can’t wait to vote for the Donald. So we should roll. Just like the fat boy in Jersey.
Donald is pretty sure that we have this in the bag. So he is starting to shift his focus a little. He hired a couple of bagmen for the Republican Party to sooth the ruffled feathers of some of the party muckamucks. He took on the guy who raped Scott Walker out of all of his campaign funds. Not to worry we are not letting him near the check book. He is on a short leash. If he gets out of line Corey will choke him out like a news bunny that tapped Donnie on the shoulder or something.
He also got this delegate counter guy Pinafore or something. He is in charge of bribery. He was pretty good at it as he started as old Jerry Ford’s guy back in the day. He knows where the bodies are buried. He just went to calm down the morons at the National Committee. Told them that Donald was just playing a role in the campaign and that freaked out a bunch of bloggers and commenters. Dudes! What’s up with that? Don’t you know that everybody does that? What Ted Cruz isn’t playing a role? He pretends to be a Conservative Christian when the word is he is a stone freak. I hear he is banging cocktail waitresses two at a time like Fredo Corleone. Everybody plays to the crowd when they are running for office. You think Hillary likes people? She makes Hannibal Lecter look like Saint Francis of Assisi. These people better get a grip.
Speaking of getting a grip they tried to start a big rumpus about the transgender bathroom bullshit. Now all of the Holy Rollers that voted for us are going to be surprised that Donald doesn’t have a problem with the gay. Yes he hates Rosie O’Donnell but that is just because she is a nasty cunt not because she is a lesbo. We have lots of gay friends. Half of Hollywood is gay or bi. Why should we care where these homos go to take a dump or a piss. Donald is very tolerant. For a while he thought his son Eric was gay but it turned out he was only retarded. So Donnie said what do we need another law for? That’s what lawyers like lying Ted want. More laws. More lawsuits. More money for scumbag ambulance chasers. Plus Donald freaked out about the idea of forcing businesses to put in new bathrooms. The extra expense! Lying Ted doesn’t care because he never paid a payroll in his life. Those whores he used were independent contractors. Enough with the laws already.
Donnie was really pissed this week that they decided to put Queen Latifah on the 20 dollar bill instead of Joan Rivers or whoever that White Haired bitch is on it now. We can’t let that stand. Thankfully we have a solution. Donald promised me that after he gets elected President he will have a great idea for new money. I can’t wait.
I am going to be a great first lady.