Monday, September 14, 2015

Schlichter: Obnoxious and Important Questions I Would Ask At The GOP Debate

"On behalf of all infuriated conservatives, I demand the right to interrogate the candidates myself. I get to ask a question and a follow-up, and here are the rules. First, answer the damn question. It insults me when you think I’ll somehow forget what I asked, so bewitching is your oratory. Second, answer, then stop talking. If you use more words than the Gettysburg Address (272) you are so, so very wrong. Third, no clichés. If you use the phrase “for the children,” I get to slap you."
Here goes:
Jeb! Bush:
You support amnesty and Common Core, you won’t undo the Iran sellout of Israel on your first day in office and – as we always expected – you’ve come outin support of more gun control. Since you have adopted Hillary’s platform, why are you running as a Republican?
Why are you so damn special that despite there being 320 million other Americans, we can’t do any better than a third Bush?
Dr. Ben Carson:
You’re proud of not being a politician, but what makes you think D.C.’s establishment won’t chew you up and spit you out?
You’re a guy with tremendous accomplishments, morals, and character. Why do you even want to go to Washington?
Jim Gilmore:
Can you name one person you aren’t related to who wants you to be president?
In fact, are you even supposed to be here on stage tonight?
Chris Christie:
Let’s deal with the elephant in the room – what the hell were you thinking snuggling up to Obama?
Other than talking incessantly about killing terrorists – which is cool – in what way are you even remotely a conservative?
Carly Fiorina:
You’re the only female running in the GOP primaries. Would you even be on this stage if you were a dude?
You were a senior officer in a huge corporation that did a lot of government work. Why should we conservatives believe you won’t be just another crony capitalist shafting us and stealing our money for the benefit of your corporate pals?
Lindsey Graham:
Conservatives detest you, and the feeling is mutual. Are you in this as some sort of establishment stalking horse to make sure a real conservative doesn’t derail Jeb! by snagging South Carolina’s delegates?
Anything else interesting that you’d like to tell us tonight?
John Kasich:
You decided to go along with Obamacare in Ohio. Why, as a conservative would I ever support you in the primary over someone committed to the destruction of that socialist atrocity?
Like many, even most, conservatives, I think you’re a smug, sanctimonious jerk who hides his self-righteousness behind a vague, unfocused aura of pseudo-Christian progressivism. Why should I allow you to spend four to eight years in my face telling me how I don’t measure up to your allegedly Jesus-inspired standards?
George Pataki:
Since I really have no idea why you’re running, let me just ask you this: Who’s more badass, Captain Kirk or Picard?
Marco Rubio:
My family is half Cuban, and we loved you and your life story until you lied to us about amnesty – no, that’s not an invitation for you to try to convince us how your past embrace of amnesty was not really an embrace of amnesty. You lied to me once – why should I ever believe anything you ever say again?
Here’s your chance to be clear – do you agree with me and most conservatives that America has zero moral obligation to illegal aliens, that they should receive no government benefits, and that they should leave our country?
Ted Cruz:
I think you are a genius lawyer and a true conservative, but you are off-putting to people who aren’t movement conservatives and I fear your candidacy would be Goldwater II: The Revenge. Do the math for me – how can you possibly win 270 electoral votes?
Wouldn’t you better serve conservatism as Chief Justice Ted Cruz?
Rand Paul:
Like your father, I can listen to you for a couple minutes, find myself nodding in agreement, and then BAM! you say something nutty, usually about foreign policy. How can I be sure you will do the most important thing a president must do – relentlessly and ruthlessly kill America’s enemies?
Chemtrails. Are they a thing?
Scott Walker:
The idea behind your campaign seemed to be that you’re a normal guy who would return us to normalcy, but we conservatives don’t want normalcy anymore. We want vengeance. Will you commit to ruthlessly annihilating liberalism wherever you find it?
More specifically, will you commit to destroying all federal government employee unions?
Mike Huckabee:
You combine a love of big government with a kind of religious paternalism that evokes an unholy love child of LBJ and Elmer Gantry. Can you sketch me out a scenario where you win the general election that doesn’t involve someone releasing tapes of Hillary gleefully vivisecting corgi puppies?
You play bass. Really, is that a president’s instrument?
Bobby Jindal:
As an Asian-American, can the GOP win over that growing minority group by addressing the systemic racism they face because of Democrat-dominated universities’ admissions policies?
I think you’d be a good president, but I don’t think you can win. Shouldn’t you agree to come on board with someone up here on stage who might win and agree to be his/her HHS secretary?
Rick Santorum:
You lost your Senate seat in Pennsylvania back in 2006, meaning you have failed in every election campaign since 2000. Why is this time different?
My country is falling apart and, like most conservatives, that’s my No. 1 priority. Why should I vote for you and re-fight the gay marriage battle that we’ve already decisively lost instead of saving our Constitution from these leftist creeps?
Donald Trump:
Yeah, it’s been a lot of fun watching you make the GOP establishment wince by raising subjects like illegal alien thugs that the elite wants hushed up. We’ve had some laughs. But if you are elected president, you will be the commander-in-chief. This is a no gotcha question – I led soldiers for 27 years, so this is personal to me and to millions of conservatives whose sons, daughters, mothers, and fathers serve. Can you give me one good reason why you are worthy of our trust to lead and to safeguard the lives of the incredible men and women of our armed forces?

9 comments:

bagoh20 said...

Walker did just answer one of them:

"As president, I would stop that influence cold by eliminating federal government unions and returning power back to where it belongs: in the hands of hardworking taxpayers."

http://hotair.com/archives/2015/09/14/hot-air-exclusive-walker-pledges-to-end-federal-public-employee-unions/

I think public employee unions, especially state and local are the biggest fiscal problem this nation faces. They are also incredibly corrosive to the nation by their effect on things like education, productivity, government effectiveness, civil liberties, fairness, economic liberty, national virility, and citizen trust.

Federal employee unions are right behind them in their corrosive effect. I want a President who sees this and has the guts to go after it. We can do all the other things we want, but if these unions continue with their current power, we will remain paralyzed in the face of every challenge that comes and unable to take advantage of any opportunities.

Have you noticed how a nation that once did amazing things one after another and was leading the world doesn't seem able to do anything effectively anymore - not even maintain itself. Ask yourself: what made everything so hard?

ricpic said...

There are two bedrock issues that America cannot run away from. One is the civilizational war with Islam. The other is the economic catastrophe that will come if the debt is not reduced, if government spending is not significantly reduced. None of the Republican candidates will address either issue. And because they are being questioned by the MSM none will be forced to address either issue.

rhhardin said...

Four years of Trump throwing sand into the PC media gears would be worth it. That's what has to be cleared away first.

Once the media is the butt of ridicule, even ridicule by soap opera women, voting will take a turn for the better.

Aridog said...

I'm no Scott Walker fan, however in Wisconsin he did constrain public employee unions (State & Local) by making them voluntary organizations without an employment mandate. That is how the major federal employee unions already operate...there is no mandatory membership or dues collection. Joining and dues paying has to be voluntary. Far more attention should be paid to State and Local unions that force membership as a condition of employment as well as stipulate ever increasing swaths of citizens that they consider to be "employees". Michigan has recently made us like Wisconsin, ( example: you do not have to join & pay dues to SIEU if you provide home care for someone) and where there are any federal unions with condition of employment mandates, they should also be constrained or eliminated.

I believe trying to totally eliminate all federal unions would first, be a bite too big to chew, and second, if possible, would not remedy the State & Local unions with in the individual states where the most damage is done...IANAL, so I don't know if the federal government has standing to contest state & local unions. Anyone who can answer that authoritatively, please do.

Aridog said...

What ricpic said is dead on the money, literally. Not just reduce annual deficits, but eliminate them and begin to reduce national debt. I've heard no candidate of either party suggest they'd do either debt reduction (not mere deficit reduction) or acknowledge the existential threat of militant Islam. Where are the people who would address these issues?

john said...

Who is Jim Gilmore? Did he just throw that name in there to see if I was paying attention?

Mitch H. said...

Some former Virginia politician. I think he was a governor or senator at some point in the Nineties. That's without googling to refresh my memory. Pataki has more relevance to current national politics, and his relevance is, at best, notional.

I don't know, man. My favorite candidate dropped out last week, and my back-up looks poised to go find something better to do than stand on a dais with all of these schnooks and nogoodniks. A field where Rick Perry drops out early and pocket narcissists like Gilmore and Graham stay in is just baffling to me.

Amartel said...

Awesome questions.
The thing that always irritates me about "debates" is that the candidates are debating with the "moderators." (If they're Republicans; if they're Dems the "moderators" are just pitching nerf softballs in their general direction, to answer if they should choose, or not.) Why don't the candidates get to interact and actually debate each other? They know each others' weaknesses better than anyone. Let them tear each other apart like on Prime Ministers Questions. I think this debating the moderator thing must have developed with the rest of the progressive mainstream media as a way to keep Republicans on edge promote Dems.
Now, the Reps (except Trump and Rand Paul and ?), the establishment Republicans, are sort of in a pact not to publicly cut each other down so we really need a moderator, or one of the non-establishment candidates, to ask the questions that people really care about. You know we're going to get the questions that the establishment care about and the progressives care about.

Aridog said...

What kind of a "debate" is it when moderators control the topics? Why not let the participants on the stage initiate the questions and go from there? Let the moderators just keep the peace (cut in if the shrieking is intense), so to speak.

I guess I didn't get it when I was in debates in college...we had no moderators. Had to make our cases and be done with it. I'm old now so I presume times have changed...not necessarily for the better. Cranky old dudes are like that :-)

I will, none-the-less, be watching tomorrow night, even if I have little hope for a real "debate."