Monday, April 27, 2015

"Burnt mac and cheese forces evacuation of state capitol"

"An intense ITK investigation finds that Easy Mac directions instruct the macaroni and cheese consumer to microwave the cheddar-flavored concoction for three and a half minutes. It also advises Easy Mac makers to never leave a microwave unattended."

14 comments:

Methadras said...

More infantalization from the nanny state. We are turning people into fearful lemmings.

Amartel said...

The new color of Kraft Mac & Cheese. Same flavor though. Lived on that stuff for a while. Kraft is changing the color from traditional neon orange at the behest of a blogger/Food Justice Warrior who claims the dye is bad for The Children. The left ruins everything.

Rabel said...

Burned like a Baltimore police car.

Live link.

edutcher said...

Oh, yeah, the Lefties are in charge and their master plan is invincible.

The Keystone Kops were more credible.

Leave 'em "in charge" for a while longer and people will be begging for the adults to come back.

Amartel said...

The new color of Kraft Mac & Cheese. Same flavor though. Lived on that stuff for a while. Kraft is changing the color from traditional neon orange at the behest of a blogger/Food Justice Warrior who claims the dye is bad for The Children.

And they expect people to buy that?

Hoo, boy!!

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

Mac & cheese was invented and promoted by the USDA so soldiers during WWII could have more meat.

I think that's what happened.

I don't care enough to bother to look it up and neither does anybody else, I thoroughly suspect.

Rabel said...

"I don't care enough to bother to look it up and neither does anybody else, I thoroughly suspect."

You underestimate me, bat guy.

ricpic said...

I love Iowa. When I was sixteen I hopped a Greyhound bus to Des Moines. Why I picked Des Moines I've long since forgotten. Anyway, I stayed at the Y and when I ran out of money the head honcho at the Y got me a job detasseling corn. This was in and around Ames, Iowa. The gang I was trucked out to the fields with would run along after me cleaning up the rows I had only partially detasseled. Ah well. Then when that job ran out I was assigned to a job building chicken coops with Big Al the carpenter. It was all wonderful and then the summer was over and back to real life.

Th Th That's All Folks.

Chip Ahoy said...

Ñyeah what nincompoops whatignoranimai what a bunch of ul-tuh-rah maroooooons.

My alarm goes off too at the slightest thing, even toast.

So I turn a fan on it before thinking about considering the thought of pondering toasting anything, all that comes first.

The guy who's narrating the Jeremy Wade River Monsters show just now showed a Nepal catfish with its exceedingly painful and poisonous dorsal fin sticking straight up menacingly like an inverted hang glider on the back of a small fish, and the guy said, "Jeremy must avoid the poisonous pectoral fins" and I'm all, "WHAT DID YOU JUST TELL YOUR VIEWERS? Don't you know the difference between pectoral fins and dorsal fins?"

This is not a nit-picky matter, he's talking about handling the fish carefully while showing the fish being handled carelessly by his own description with harmless fins on the bottom and dangerous fins on top.

Gawl. Ten-year old aquarium hobbyists spanning this vast and great nation are all going, "wuh?" They know better.

You should have seen people get out of my way today as if to avoid a litigious spaz, you should have seen the few people out today jump into my way, rush ahead to open doors then wait there for me like a prince, you should have heard people advise me as to appropriate dress for the weather, you should have seen people, two people on separate times approach me with encouraging words of grace. The first guy, a short older Mexican fellow held his arms up and pumped his two fists right there in the middle of the crosswalk with cars waiting but no other people,and in Mexican accent said, "You can do it *pump pump* You can do it!" I was merely crossing the street. Then on the way back a bag lady type looking-person growled, "That's a hell of a way to cross the street" as I approached her and I have no idea what she meant, and then Lurch was alone in his shop and greeted me kindly, "Gnar, Ner Rrrroil gnarganar nar, you gettin' a 12-pack?"

"Yea."

"Pepsi?"

"Yep."

"I GET IT! Gnar gner gnarner They can beg and they can plead gnar gnar grrrar rar rar is always Mr. Right 'cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl you know we are living in a gnar gnar rar rar."

Extraordinary.

That song came on the radio and he sang along, came around the counter to walk down the aisle that I usually do. As if he has a new girlfriend, his behavior is completely out of character. Not that many people out for a Monday. Quite cold. But the people who were out and about were all unusually non-egocentric. Right off the bat with the fat black guy pouring over his runabout wending through such a tight hallway in front of me past so many people and not touching anyone or any thing. I can see his back wheel come withing 1/2 inch of furniture, corners, people, shoes, children. You should have seen him speed through, grab the handle on the way out, spin around in this motorized wheelchair and hold the door open for me. Unnecessarily. The ladies had already advised me to put on a jacket. And like that throughout with nobody just minding their own business, they're all looking out for the little retard (me) even the bag lady. All this and much more within the area of half city block.



Chip Ahoy said...

Add annatto, boom, color restored.

Should be easy to find in Florida. It is a very red seed favored by Cuban cooks. Also known as achiote. A dry red seed. Power thereof, or paste.

I've looked for it forever and cannot find it neither in spice section, norther in Latin section, nerther in prepared powder section, nuther in the import section, nearther in fer'ner section, nayther in the strange foodstuffs section so I'm like starting to give up and BOOM right there somewhere in some unassociated mysterious aisle was seasoning for Spanish rice with anchiote in it along with other minor things like cilantro powder so without even thinking further it was tossed into the trolly and it turns out to be 6 maybe 8 little packets of red powder, about 1/4 teaspoon, not very much at all, maybe even 1/8 teaspoon and after all that searching and fretting and remembering to scour the aisles and finally finding it like a hidden treasure and secure with it and finally at home, I forgot to add it to the rice water.

So my rice cooked without it.

And once started you cannot stop. It's steams. It cannot be iterrupted. So AFTER the rice cooked then I sprinkled the scant powder from one packet over the pile and the rice that the powder touched turned stark bright deep sinister blood red while if only one powder granule touched a rice grain then it turned yellow. The meager miserly minor amount of powder turned the whole pot of rice deeply yellow. It could have flavored and colored a much larger pot of rice. It could have colored and flavored more than double the amount that I made.

If you used this in your macaroni and cheese it would improve it in color and flavor.

So would bacon.

Scallions, spring onion,

Lobster believe it or not. They always say never mix seafood and cheese and I always say back... nevermind what I always say back. I get hit for that.

One use the water that boiled the pasta to poach an egg the natural way. Add vinegar to the water so the egg white pulls in. Treat the poached egg like a yolk transfer package. The white is trimable, discardable. The yolk is the chief interest. Place the yolk sac on top of your cheese-noodles, break it open so it pours out as additional sauce fortification. Sauce on sauce. Carbonara. Like this

Spinach.

Swiss Chard

Peas

Corn

Green beans.

Fresh avocado

Fresh tomato

These boxes of macaroni with a flavor packet, like the precooked and dehydrated ramen noodles with their flavor packet, and hamburger helper noodles with their flavor packet are starting points. You add things to them to flesh them out, so to speak, vegetate them out, pimp them up, and make them into something resembling a proper meal.

And after doing that several times you realize by starting this same way over and over that your box of prepared whatever, your little kit there, along with all thescrounging around for additions, time after time, that the box contains nothing more than noodles that you can buy by the ton, and the flavor packets are never anything more than you can find in your own spice rack.

(Some of that familiar cheese flavor is nutritional yeast. Like Marmite, an extracted byproduct of brewing.) When they are advertised as "with real cheese" then right there are your directions for your own easy and cheap success.

Those things are $1.00 a box. Your own is even cheaper, and anything you do is better. Even making it orange-yellow with anchiote/annatto.

This concludes my peroration of macaroni and cheese, its coloration using natural dyes and flavors, and by not mentioning, the perfect irrelevancy of some nattering know-nothing activist silly ass girlish blogger somewhere.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

@Methadras lol

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

Holy crap!

I'm awarding myself 0.25 marks out of 4.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

AND I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER THAT I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AS AN INFANT!!!!!!

Methadras said...

Lem, what I say that was lol worthy?

Eric the Fruit Bat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.