Koran

I've seen a couple of times exceedingly large pages removed from a Koran displayed as art inside extravagant lacquered frames taking a whole wall provided its own little light. With no small pride, the art piece specifically pointed out from others, its provenance related, place and method of acquisition, cost, exclusivity, rarity and such, it all meant nothing to me. I'm so annoyed.

I try to be interested but I'm not. Not as text, not as scripture, not as art.

I read that book, admittedly quickly, and didn't like it one bit. Part of Regis Comparative Religions requirement. Worst of the lot. Had they? Had they any idea what is in it? "Do you know what it says?"

"Nope. Who cares. I like it. Look at this, that writing is gold."

How I would love like to read it aloud for them and produce something damaging. That's my imagination, for you. Come on, help me out here. This should be easy. My plan for the nonce is produce an extremely damaging Koran verse to recite in such a moment. To fake it. Because I don't like that book and the aggression behind it. To bend future conversations from appreciation to loathing. That is my plan. I know it is sinister, but I don't care. Sometimes I'm bad.

[random quran verse]  Ha! 

He raised the height thereof and ordered it; 

And Allah repulsed the disbelievers in their wrath; they gained no good. 

Allah averted their attack from the believers. Allah is ever Strong, Mighty.

Eh.

Till, when he came between the two mountains, he found upon their hither side a folk that scarce could understand a saying. 

But unto Allah belongeth the after (life), and the former.

Come on.

O ye who believe! Seek help in steadfastness and prayer. Lo! Allah is with the steadfast. 

And trust thou in the Living One Who dieth not, and hymn His praise. He sufficeth as the Knower of His bondmen's sins, 

Then we did drown the others.  

Ding ding ding. Where does this come from? 37:82

What is sura 37? The Rangers.

Let's read it.

Oh my God, that one. He's all over the place. I remember this. I skipped this the first time. Read it fast to get past it. It's bizarre. The product of a disturbed mind. Clearly. Read it, you'll see. It's f'ked. Totally. You can just see the spittle flying out of the guy's mouth. This is a good one to pick.  It's back and forth, first this then that, argument between "them" and "they," it's all over, people in hell, people being rewarded. Mentioning people and tribes we're expected to know. Extremes. Fish. Weird trees. Truly, this sura right here is the worst of religion in concentrated form. The presumptions are quite extraordinary and extrapolations from them incredible. Let's look again more carefully this time, it is important to me for my plan of deception. I'm going to nail this.

It's called Rangers, not like Texas Rangers Arab-style. It's called Rangers because angels are arranged in rows.

That's kind of dumb.

I have to check on why angels as daughters is a thing to them. That's in here weirdly. [arabs angels god's duaghters] I had that wrong. That was a thing then. Angels being girls, daughters of God, it's an Arab thing. It's sexist too, angels should be male. Their ancient dispute. It's not as random as I thought.

[Zaqqum tree] And the tree is an Arab thing too. I had that wrong. It seemed just thrown in there. It's a thing. They used to threaten disbelievers with a tree in hell.

Upon re-reading I see I overlooked quite a lot. It ends with the same visual imagery that it begins. That sticks out now. I missed that before. There is symmetry to the sura that I missed. It takes off, delivers a spiel and comes full circle and lands in the same place.  Sorry. It's actually a bit touching if you visualize the description of concourse of angels. It's wild.  It is a warning delivered to groups describing groups, sweeping aside groups, and embracing others, it cajoles with common references to tradition, and returns to the scene to deliver the stern warning and finally embrace the reader in the warmth that includes in its embrace apostles, all believers, and the startling gathering of angels that it began.

The sura says "arranged in a row" thus rangers.

I missed that whole bit. It's in the title, like a crossword, in the beginning concourse setting  and in the ending concourse setting. Without knowing Arabic, but now understanding the imagery intended I would have chosen the word "concourse" instead of "range" and "row" A concourse of angels is arranged, that is the vastness of the imagery intended here.

Which tells you pick a good translation.

I took this for Mohammed ranting like a madman. I missed the structure of a debate between two groups. I took all that, the whole thing, for Mohammed ranting. It's actually a back and forth debate. The fist part is a debate between two groups being sorted by angels in vast concourses. Both sides being presented. Thus the sweeping back and forth language and extreme wild imagery.

This whole time I thought he was just banging on.

The wild middle portion referring to specific places tribes and people that seems so nutty I see now are biblical references spelled differently. Here the Koran refers to the Bible. I missed that. By way of examples he is pointing out a few characters in the bible who obeyed God and were rewarded, the fish refers to Jonah rewarded by God and Noah rewarded by God. I missed that whole thing the first time. Jeeze, what a dunce.

Then it switches back to the concourse of angels but now there is no argument. The debate is settled. It's quite clear. Nonbelievers go to hell with no second chances, and believers are rewarded. So please be reasonable and come along. Praise Allah.

poof.

There went my plan.

I was really hoping the "then we drowned the others" would lead to something spectacularly damning, but it didn't. Now I'm bummed.

Dear Allah, please forgive me for thinking up a rotten plan, if you're the forgiving type.

(I'll try to pick a better more damaging sura next time)