It's time for breakfast!

This was the breakfast I had every morning on vacation at the Hilton. Bacon, egg, salt, pepper, and ketchup on a toasted bagel. A shitpot full of breakfast sausages and potatoes. Coffee.

I hit the buffet every morning, The wife couldn't do that because she had to be gluten-free. But we did what we always do and made friends with the people working there. I called the waiter over and introduced myself. He said his name was Aurelio and I said, "Hey that's the name of one of the greatest third basemen of all time." He knew of Aurelio Rodriquez of the Tigers who he was named after, and we hit it off.

I said to him, "I see that you have gluten-free bread on the menu so maybe the Chef can make my wife gluten-free French Toast." He said, "Don't worry Jim I will take care of it." He came out with some beautiful gluten-free French toast with berries on the side. She had that every day.

scrambled eggs

MoZaic brunch reminded me of this. I put their scrambled eggs on my little plate going by the buffet, knowing better all the while what the heck, and reaffirmed again why not to do that.

I discovered this technique on my own. The key elements are a lot of butter as with Hollandaise, and sour cream or crème fraîche at the end. That acidic element is what makes scrambled eggs a sauce, it is to scrambled eggs what lemon juice is to Hollandaise.

For one serving, take a large mug and fill it with hot tap water.

Take three eggs from the refrigerator and warm them up in the water. This takes only a few minutes to get the chill off.

Bringing the eggs to quite warm, warmer than room temperature is best. It will go fastest. Eggs begin to denature at 140℉, my tap goes high as 120℉. So, that is a very good start.

The eggs are cooked in your smallest pot, not in a pan. They are whisked throughout. Add a large lump of cold butter but no salt. Season when they are done. Whisked eggs go a bit funny with salt. Unsalted butter is best. Whisk over heat reaching into the corners. As soon as the butter begins to melt, that should be almost immediately, then the eggs are beginning to cook. They will thicken together immediately and before they form curds. If they begin to form curds then the curds can be whisked out when lifted off the heat, eventually the proteins will tighten up so much all the water is squeezed out. You must decide how thick to take it.

A fast dollop of sour cream halts the cooking action making further whisking unnecessary.

I don't make scrambled eggs all that much. These pictures make it seem like I do. In a court of law they could be used as fairly cogent proof of a longstanding affection for scrambled eggs, but that is not so. Scrambled eggs are not among my favorite things.

I keep thinking of all those dead baby chicken embryos being scrambled around like I am a deranged abortionist and it takes the shine right off. 

Originally I was only going to show the first picture. It makes the point. And then I thought, eh, "Why hold back?" 

A while ago I discovered by accident a technique for creamy scrambled eggs that surpassed anything I had previously. This was quite an epiphany because I come from a egg-abusive household. My family's idea of scrambled eggs is to fry them so thoroughly that all trace of moisture is evaporated and the eggs tighten up so firmly they amount to another vulcanized substance altogether. The sequence goes like this: 

raw --> cooked --> overcooked --> impossibly overcooked --> ridiculously abused --> done.  

It is all that I have ever known. 

The trick, and there is a trick, is to continuously remove the pot from the heat as soon as anything noticeable happens. The whole point is to avoid the formation of curds. You can see this happening as you whisk so pull off the pot and continue whisking off the heat so that the egg solidifies as a sauce and not as a pile of curds and then return to the heat and continue the thickening. The sequence goes like this: 

raw --> sort of perhaps a little bit thicker --> seems like it's thickening --> yeah sure, it's getting thicker --> by golly we're on to something here --> well I'll be doggone, this is actually working --> this would make a good sauce --> hey look! I can control how thick this gets --> it's starting to stand up on its own --> I can probably stop now --> done.  

All that happens in a minute.  

I looked at a dozen YouTube videos searching for something that matched this approach. All I can say is, there are a lot of truly horrible scrambled eggs out there. I weep for my country for they know not what they do. Even the chefs are creating egg curds on excessive heat. And then at length I encountered my nemesis, Gordon Ramsay. Finally! One person out of all those housewives, husbands, cooks, and chefs, describes precisely the technique I landed on by accident -- a failed sauce.

Myself. I've been talking about this a long time.

I talked about this already here. I showed Gordon Ramsay doing scrambled eggs.  I showed the book Eggs by Michael Roux. I repeat it now because it is so critically important to your wellbeing and because the guy at MoZaic is paid to make scrambled eggs and cannot make them as well as any one of these examples. 

He just cannot.

Why? Because he didn't read my blog. Because he didn't see Gordon Ramsay's video. Because he hasn't bothered with Michael Roux's book. Because he hasn't seen these photos. Because he hasn't received an egg-epiphany. Because he does not know there is a much better scrambled egg world out there.