A horse is not just a horse of course

The are many deep dark secrets in Hollywood Babylon. Especially back in the sixties. There was Rock Hudson and Sal Mineo. Drug addicts like Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda. But our show had the biggest problem of all. Wilbur was having sexual relations with Mr. Ed. 

No one could understand why Wilbur would leave such fine young nubile flesh like his young wife to hang out in a barn. Little did they know that he was a pony boy. A horse lover. An equine excess dabbler. A stallion straddler. Wilbur really loved his pony. 

That is why he could only hang out with celebrities who had secrets of their own. Like Sandy. It was a time of shame and desperation. It was a love that could not neigh it's name. It made filming the show a horror. 
(Alan Lubin, Mr Ed, The E True Hollywood Story) 

Wild Wild Life

Marlon Perkins had become obsessed. He was a full time zoophiliac. Of course he dabbled in many species but he kept coming back to the apes. He had a long time live in relationship with a young chimpanzee named Bubbles. He lived with Bubbles and his wife for many years.

Finally he decided he had to be true to himself. Marlin divorced his wife in Mexico and arranged to marry Bubbles. Unfortunately Bubbles was male and gay marriage was not yet legal. So he had to settle for common law status.

Marlin's actions lead to the cancellation of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdon. Marlin tried to market a series based on his life with Bubbles called "I Married  a Monkey" but it was too far ahead of it's time.

It was later produced as "Good Times" starring Esther Rolle.

( Don Meier, Talk into this with the Animals...The E True Hollywood Story of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom)

Trigger Please!

There was a long history of bestiality scandals rocking Hollywood. From the very beginning there was the sad case of Clara Bow with her Cocker Spaniel. Maureen O' Sullivan having sex with Cheeta which resulted in the birth of the simian Mia Farrow. Gloria Swanson and Joseph Kennedy. And of course the cautionary tale of Fay Wray that was later fictionalized in her most popular film.

Nothing was a pervasive and secret as the Hollywood subculture of pony boys. You see many of the stunt men and extra's in the Western serials were actual broken down cowboys from the salad days of the Old West. They were still alive in the beginnings of Hollywood and they had long turned to equine solace on those lonely days on the prairie. It became a cynical subtext in many westerns where the Hero was more in love with horse than the ingénue. The fact was they were trying to hide the truth in plain sight. It was the love that could not neigh it's name.

E True Hollywood Stories

The plight of homeless Hollywood celebrities has long been a scandal. Everyone from Natalie Cole turning tricks for crack to Joanie Cunningham selling herself for Meth have been swept under the rug in todays celebrity culture. You never see this on TMZ or Entertainment Tonight.

Perhaps the worst cases of all are to be found in Cartoon town. There is usually no going back for a Cartoon Character who loses his show. They are all of them one trick ponies. Especially My Little Pony. Once you lose your show it doesn't matter how many Japanese school girls wear your underwear. In case after case these toons have fallen on hard times. Top Cat has to live in garbage cans instead of just eating out of them. Penelope Pittstop walked the streets on Hollywood Boulevard  to pay for her heroin addiction. Magilla Gorilla had to marry a Kardashian. Still none of them had fallen as far as Mickey Mouse's pal Goofy.

Goofy had led a charmed life. As Mickey's best friend he got to travel and live large on Disney's dime. It all came to an end and Goofy was cast out on the street. He became homeless and lived out of a shopping cart performing sex acts for dog biscuit money. You see his fall came about because of sex. Everything went away after that faithful day when Mickey discovered that his  fiancé Minnie had gone insane. You see she was fucking Goofy.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

One Monkey Don't Steal No Show

The problem with Cheeta is the problem you have with most monkeys. They are totally oversexed and will screw anything that moves. They are lazy and they are always late.  Except when they can play golf. 

Basically all they are concerned about is having monkey sex and pinching a loaf which they then love to fling at you. It was real hard to work when one of your stars is always whacking it or having sex somewhere off in a corner. It was like working with Mickey Rourke when he was still on the stuff. 

We caught a break when we cast Maureen O’Sullivan as Jane. You see she liked that hot monkey sex just as much as Cheeta ever did. So she would just take that randy chimp by the hand and disappear into her trailer for hours at a time. When they came back they were both glassy eyed and ready for direction. Of course we kept it all secret at the time. We were afraid that it would come out when Maureen’s daughter Mia Farrow was born.Mia definitely resembled her mother’s hirsute co-star. I guess that was why her mom always called her a “little monkey.”

(One Monkey Don’t Steal No Show, The E True Hollywood Story of Cheeta)

Whose got that Virus? Hollywood gripped with fear because womanizing A-lister is HIV-positive!

New York Post November 11, 2015 by David K Li

Hollywood is “gripped with fear” after a womanizing Tinseltown A-Lister has been diagnosed positive for HIV — panicking his long list of sexual partners, according to a published report.

“It has now become common knowledge that this star is HIV positive, something he has known for years,” an insider told The Sun newspaper of London, which attributed its report to unnamed sources, and didn't name the infected Lothario.

“His lawyers are bracing for the threat of potential action.”

The source continued: “The reality is that if he’s knowingly put women at risk, then that’s disgusting and it’s only a matter of time before that becomes public.”

Friends have urged the actor to come forward, but he has so far refused, according to The Sun.

“He’s distraught about the possibility of the illness becoming a defining quality of his career,” a source told the site.

The actor’s list of exes includes “an award-winning actress, a religious movie star, a top Hollywood personality with a controversial past, a TV star, a media personality and a glamor model,” the site reported, without naming names.

(So who do you think it is? My money is on Colin Farrell or Gerard Butler but please tell me who you think might have the virus in his man goo)

Rub my Belly!

The Disney Studio was always in crises. You see it's first and greatest star was one of the most difficult people in Hollywood. Mickey was jealous of all the other characters. Even though he was the star and focal point of many, many movies he wanted to star in all of them. He tried to play the Daffy Duck roles but he couldn’t handle the accent. He demanded to star in the Lady and the Tramp but he couldn’t learn to suck the spaghetti. He even wanted to play Prince Charming but Walt had to lay down the law and let him know that the Prince couldn’t be a rodent. Or black. Things were different in those days.
(The Cracks in Magic Kingdom, The E True Hollywood Story of Mickey Mouse)

Meet the Flintstones

The original Flintstones cast broke up at about the same time as the Beatles. The stars of the show were blow to the four winds. Wilma got a bit part on the Mary Tyler Moore show as Rhoda’s mother and a dish washing liquid commercial. Betty moved to Rock Vegas to open a brothel. Barney died in a motorcycle crash while high on Meth. Fred of course as you well know became a professional bowler. The one cast member who had the strangest path was Dino. He was working as a technical advisor on the movie Caveman with Ringo Starr and made friends with Ringo’s wife Barbara Bach who always had a soft spot for gay dinosaurs. She introduced him to a cutting edge group of gay and bi-sexual rockers like David Bowie and Freddie Mercury. They were all very impressed by two things. Dino’s musical talent and his enormous dinosaur cock. But why should that be a surprise. After Bedrock is where Rock lives.
(John Deacon, Behind the Music: the Dino Flintstone story)

Meet the Flintstones....The E True Hollywood Story

Dino became part of the glam-rock movement and started his own band. They put on a lot of makeup and feather boas and leather chaps. He collaborated on several albums. He was an important inspiration to many of the younger generation. In fact that is why the young Marc Bolan named his band T-Rex. He idolized Dino to the point that he would let the randy reptile tea bag him between shows. Dino wrote several seminal songs in the glam rock era. He was the uncredited author of Ride a White Swan and All the Young Dudes which was originally about Dino’s adventures in the loo at Charing Cross Station. T-Rex was one of the most influential bands of the era and started the movement of large arena bands that toured playing the same music since 1968. That’s why it’s called dinosaur rock.
(John Deacon, The E True Hollywood Story: the Dino Flintstone Story)

Wild, Wild Life!

Marlon Perkins had become obsessed. He was a full time zoophiliac. Of course he dabbled in many species but he kept coming back to the apes. He had a long time live in relationship with a young chimpanzee named Bubbles. He lived with Bubbles and his wife for many years.

Finally he decided he had to be true to himself. Marlin divorced his wife in Mexico and arranged to marry Bubbles. Unfortunately Bubbles was male and gay marriage was not yet legal. So he had to settle for common law status.

Marlin's actions lead to the cancellation of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. Marlin tried to market a series based on his life with Bubbles called "I Married  a Monkey" but it was too far ahead of it's time.

It was later produced as "Good Times" starring Esther Rolle.

( Don Meier, Talk into this with the Animals...The E True Hollywood Story of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom)

SIxties Sitcom Subtext Theatre

It wasn't easy being a closeted gay moose in Hollywood in the 1960’s. The studio was afraid of the backlash from Christan groups and the Catholic church if they found out that a beloved cartoon character was gay. It wasn't that hard for Bullwinkle to cover it up. Rocky was a well known swordsman and his exploits with cartoon chicks in public was legendary. Rocky once had a three way with Bette Rubble and Penelope Pittstop backstage at a Rolling Stones concert that they are still talking about. Even Keith Richards thought it was a little much. So Bullwinkle could lay low. He would have a few dates with Natasha every other month. She had the same problem as she was a big time lesbian. So they would be each other’s beards and have high profile dates in public so the press could take their photos. Bullwinkle would save his true self for the parties that Rock Hudson and Tab Hunter would throw up in the Hollywood Hills. Nobody even questioned that he had lived with Wally Cox for ten years. It was a more innocent time.

(Jay Ward and Alex Anderson, Rocky and Bullwinkle, E True Hollywood Story)