Now you sleep tight little Hossaroni

 

"That's right little Hossaroni. You sleep tight. You had a hard day. It's not every day your finace gets run over by a livery wagon. On the Ponderosa it is every other day. Oh and Hossaroni?"

"Yeah Hoss."

"Try not to piss the bed again."

Wait a minute Hossaroni....This is Chicago

 

"Hold on Hossaroni give up your double eagles or I'm gonna shoot your fat white ass."

"Wait a minute Rufus this is the Ponderosa not Chicago. Why are you doing this?"

"Reoperations fat man. Hand it over or you are gonna die."

"I thought this was a very special episode about racial tolerance and all like that there."

"That's next week. This week we are dealing with reality."

"Reality sucks."

Smell your finger Little Joe

 "You know it felt so good when you put your hand up my gingham. I had to touch myself too."

"It sure was fun Ellie Mae. Say do you want to do it again?"

"Why surely I do Little Joe. Say why do they call you Little Joe? I hope it's not what I think it is?"

"You know it's not Ellie Mae. Say I know what this smells like."

"What?"

"That parmesan cheese they have in then new Eyetalian restuarant."

"You are a strange man cowboy."

Where this all got started....I knew back in 1968

"Bat Soup Hossaroni!"




It was always in the cards. We just never knew.

Whose that girl?

 She was one of the busiest girls in the 1960's and 1970's starring in Bonanza, Dr. Kildare, The Virginian, The Big Valley, The FBI, Love American Style....just about every show I watched back in the day.

I paticularly enjoyed her stint in Bonanza where her boyfriend in the show later went on to book'm Danno.

Whose that girl?

Hey did you notice that Ace of Spades has started to have the same meme where he post photos of hot babes and dares you to figure out who it is. I thought only Evil Blogger Lady and I did that!

Hey Hossaroni

"Boys I want to introduce you to my friend Meyer from Florida. He is a big fan of the show and I wanted him to come by and catch a taping. Meyer this is Adam, Little Joe and of course Hoss."
"I know Mr Lansky Pa. I had run into him a few times when I took a herd into Las Vegas. He has a couple of hotels out there."
"Now Hoss not officially. I just have a few investments that some of my friends look after. But I don't really own anything. At least not in my name anyway. Nice to meet you goymim."
"So Meyer what do you do? You look like my agent."
"Why because he is a Jew? What's the matter with you to talk like that?"
"Now Meyer please don't get upset. The poor kid has been on TV for twenty years and he hasn't gotten laid yet. Every time he meets a girl she gets run over by a cow or something. So please don't take it personal."
"No problem Ben. I know a lot of guys who have that problem. Especailly younger brothers. Right little Fredo?"
"I have to quit this show."
"No problem Adam you are boring as shit anyway. Go out and see what you can cook up on your own why doncha."
"Fuck you Hoss you fat fuck. I am outta here."

Hop sing refuses to choke chicken

"Hey Hop Sing can you touch my bird."
"Hop Sing no touch white mans bird Mr. Hoss. Only if you want cook."
"Well this is not the bird you cook Hop Sing. It is a chicken I got it from my friend rh hardin. You know John Wesly's cousin. He said this chicken if very talented. It knows fellatio. I think that is a foreign language or something."
"Well it does involve his throat big brother but I don't think it is a language."
"Hop Sing does not understand."
"Yeah I know. What else is new."

WKRLEM Hop Sing on culture

Sometimes you just want it to be about you.

Whose that girl?

She was famous for her work in her native England where even though she is a hot woman she is not from Venus but instead is from Mars. She did a lot of eposidic TV in the fifties and the sixties as the visiting British babe or the Trophy wife. In fact she starred in one of my favorite Bonanza episodes even though it is Adam-centric which I don't really care for but still it was ok because they kill a lot of minorities in it so there is that.

Final clue. Her most iconic role was as the finance of a Jewish Doctor. It was not Dr. Kildare. Just saying.

Whose that girl?

Hey there Hossaroni!

"Hey there Mr. Cartwright. Nice to meet you. My name is Armand Ellroy. I wonder if I can get a photo and autograph. My boy is a big fan of yours."
"Sure Armand. Hey what kind of name is that. You one of the Eyetalians?"
"No Armenian actually. I am Rita Hayworth's manager."
"Really? So let me ask you. Are you getting any of that gash?"
"Oh no it is a strictly business relationship."
"That's too bad. I hear she is hot stuff. You know you remind me of my high school gym teacher. He taught me a lot of stuff."
"Really. Like what? Climbing up a rope"
"I guess you can call it that. Hey after this you can come back to the Ponederosa and I can show you my rare clumbers. Scooch in close now."

Did you hear Mr. Hoss?

"Did you hear Mr. Hoss? There are going to make a Deadwood Movie?
"No kidding Hop Sing. That's good stuff right there. I wonder if they are going to have those boys from San Francisco there. They ruin everything."
"No problem Mr. Hoss. They can get married at the Ponderosa."
"Great idea! They will be dead in a week."

Sixties Sitcom Subtext Theatre

" I want to be a cowgirl. Can I come to the Ponderosa Hoss?"
" Sure Golde, I will ride you....eh, I mean I will ride out there with you."
" That sounds like fun. But will you sock it to me?"
:"Oh yeah, I will sock it to you baby you nevermind. Hey did I ever tell you Kate is my favorite baby name."
"Ok."
(Rowan and Martins Laugh In)