The Summer of Boo Boo

 

Papa Bear was pretty upset. You see he voted for Donald Trump twice. He was tired of all of the illegal immigrants that were flooding Jellystone. So when Clueless Joe Biden stole the election he was very pissed off. He hated these immigrants.

 I mean the black bears were bad enough. They were all on welfare or just stealing stuff. Every time a ranger shot a bear for attacking campers they would riot and loot the Severn Eleven and the CVS. Then we had to deal with the Brown bears that had snuck over the border to take the jobs that us all American Silverback grizzlies used to do. Papa was a proud Silverback and he just hated the wetbacks. Then it got worse.

The Oriental bears started moving in. 

A bunch of them washed up ashore from the Lake on a ferry called the Golden Venture. 250 Chinese bears came ashore. They weren't even like the few oriental bears we had before. They at least stayed to themselves running the laundry or the take out garbage dump. These new bears demanded that we take care of them. They said they were smarter than American bears and wanted all the slots at the bear school. They wouldn't speak English. But that wasn't the worst of it. You see the brought disease with them.

One of them gave Sister Bear a virus. And we were all scared. 

It was the Summer of the Ling Ling Flu.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

 

We were always wary of the campers in the summer time. I mean they were a bunch of weirdoes and all. Who comes to the woods to live in a tent when you can go to the beach and sip Mai Tais? Still and all there were repeat visitors who had to come to upstate New York to go camping because they were too poor to go to the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore. At least there weren't a lot of Jews because they were all in the Catskills with Mrs. Masiel.  Mostly there were Italians and Irish and a few Pollacks.

In particular there was this one Italian family that were very scary. The father was a craggy faced sour puss who liked to lecture everyone. The mother was half a retard because all she did was waltz around all over the place like she was an Australian or something.

The worst were the two sons. One was a real dummy who pretended he was Roger Grimsby or something since he was always trying to interview you. Maybe somebody should take him fishing and not bring him back.  It was the older one who was very creepy. He kept bothering sister bear. He would tell her how big his hands were and asked if she would date ten year olds. 

Then he started touching her. On her bear skin so to speak. He was a creepy rapist

I always wondered what happened to him, I heard he went into politics.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

Most of the famous bears in America had moved to Jellystone. Or at least spent their vacations there. Ever since Yogi had set up his grotto in the park. He copied the one at Playboy Mansion that he was invited too by Hef when he had his TV show. Everyone came to visit him and hang out during the summer.

Smokey was always there toking up. One summer he invited his Hollywood friends Cheech and Chong and they were high all summer. They tried to give us some of their dope but we didn't indulge. We stuck to fermented garbage we would get from the tourist cabins.

Gentle Ben would come out and get drunk and rowdy and try to rape some of the lady bears. You see the nickname Gentle was sort of a joke like calling a really fat guy Tiny. Gentle Ben was a real asshole. They really should have called him Rapist Ben. He started a motorcycle club called Sons of Ursus and for a little while Sister Bear was his old lady until he wanted her to pull a train. She wasn't down for that so she came back home.

The Coca Cola Polar bear spent the summer with us. He liked the heat. In fact he spent most of his time sunbathing and trying to find oriental  campers he could kill and eat. They reminded him of the Inuit back home. Plus he spent a lot of time having sex. You see he was pure white and that was attractive to a lot of the lady bears who were sick of the black and brown bears who only wanted to fuck and live off their welfare checks. So he got laid a lot even though he was weird. Whenever he would put it in he would scream ISITINYOUYET! I think it was a Eskimo thing.

The weirdest of all was Gentile Ben. You see he was a brown bear who spent all his times with Jews. His regular job was up in the Catskills where he was the Shabbos Bear. You see he would turn on the lights and the TV's for the Jews who couldn't touch anything on the Sabbath. His main job was with this famous Lady Comedian named Maisel. She would take him on tour where he would act as a body guard as well as the Shabbos Bear. Gentile Ben was very weird. He wouldn't eat pork and he never spent any money. Plus he had a really big nose. He said it helped him fit in. He went on one date with Sister Bear but she said he was too strange. He wanted her to wear a wig and showed her a sheet with a hole in it. That was enough for her.

All of these strange sexual goings on took their toll on the family. The children had grown up and were sexual beings. Sister Bear was being pursued by many different bears. She had lots of dates and love affairs. The problem was not with her. It was with brother bear.

You see he never had a girlfriend. He just went to work at the Post Office and then followed around long brown haired campers to the make out spots in the park. It was actually pretty scary.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We didn't know what to do with ourselves after we got the Coors virus from those dirty Oriental bears who came to us from the Denver Zoo. Ranger Smith instituted a quarantine to stop disease from coming in from any other dirty foreign bears from shit hole countries.

He kicked out the black bears who had come in from Haiti as they not only smelled bad but practiced voodoo. He deported the greasy brown bears who had illegally passed over the border from Mexico. He said our motto had to be "Only Silver Backs no Wet Backs." He even had the bi-polar bears from Canada removed who kept eating Koreans because they looked like Eskimos. All of them were thrown out of Jelly Stone and only All American Bears were allowed to remain in the park.

His big mistake was not doing something about Brother Bear. Ever since he had fallen into his deep depression and started stalking young brown haired campers he was the real danger in Jellystone. Not the ursine foreigners even thought they had the virus.

You see it was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

After the Chinese Bears gave us the Coors Virus the greasy Eye-talian doctor forced us into home quarantine. We had to stay in our grotto and not go out and work. So there was nothing to do but eat.

We were worried at first that we couldn't survive if we couldn't work. We got our food from entertaining the tourists. That and turning over garbage cans.  Now that we were stuck at home we couldn't do that. But we had a savior.

You see Ranger Smith brought us tons of food. So much food that we got really fat. All we could do is eat and surf the net all day. Ranger Smith told us not to worry. He called his largess the "Jelly Stone stimulus plan." The only strange thing was that he used to take Sister Bear into the back room and lock the door. When he came out he told us that was the stimulus part of the plan. For him.

This only served to make Brother Bear even more crazy. He was hot and bothered and wanted to work out his problems on the long haired brunettes in the campground.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We all got sick when the Chinese Panda Bears moved next door. Their young daughter Ling Ling gave Brother Bear a virus. Not the one he always got where his penis would burn when he took a pee. This one was named after a beer. Ranger Smith called it the Coors Virus. I don't know why but I think he thought it sounded cool.

We all caught the virus. It made us cough and wheeze and it was hard to breath. We all sounded like  Papa Bear when he took Mama Bear into their bedroom and locked the door after he had been drinking all day. We huffed and puffed and sounded like we were running a race. It got so bad we had to go to the Hospital.

There were a lot of sick bears there. Smokey was hacking up a lung. He was always against forest fires but he smoked like a chimney. Gentle Ben was there and he wasn't gentle at all. We even saw Gentile Ben who was the shabbos goy for all the Jew Bears. They were all in the hospital and they were all very sick.

The Doctor in charge was a greasy Eye-talian who looked like he was looking for his momkey before he started grinding his organ. Or that he would rather be grinding his organ than taking care of sick bears. Anyway he said there was nothing he could do. We had to self quarantine at home. No more going to work. No more frolicing for the tourist so they would throw us food. No more raiding garbage cans.

We are going to starve. And that dirty wop doesn't care.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We were really excited about our new neighbors. They came from overseas. In fact they were Chinese. Mama was happy because she thought she could get them to do the laundry. Brother Bear kind of liked their young daughter. He even stopped playing with himself and stalking campers with long brown hair. 

Only Papa Bear was not happy. He didn't trust foreigners. Especially slant eyed Bears. He was right for once.

You see the Chinese girl gave Brother Bear a Virus.

 (Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

Unlike Fred Flintstone ...Yogi doesn't like smoking!

Hey there it's Yogi Bear!

It had all fallen apart for Yogi. Meaningless sexual encounter after meaningless sexual encounter with both sexes became his normal practice. He didn’t care anymore. He was thrown out of national park after national park as he would have sex out in the open and scare the tourists. He was just after sensation. He just wanted to feel something. Anything. But his life was empty. He had hit rock bottom.
(Joseph Barbera. Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear The E True Hollywood Story of Yogi Bear)

Hey there it's Yogi Bear!

Yogi fell into a sexual abyss after Ling Ling left him. He wandered around wherever bears congregated and fell into deviant behavior. Many vistas where open to him as he was a celebrity. He did coke and partied with porn stars with Charley Sheen. He went on a sex tour of the Dominican Republic with Rush Limbaugh. And he was part of an infamous daisy chain set up by the Coca Cola bear. Sixteen bears had a orgy at Wasilia Alaska during the Iditirod race. A sex tape was filmed and posted on the Internet but Yogi was too far gone by then to care.
(Joseph Barbera. Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear The E True Hollywood Story of Yogi Bear)

Hey there it's Yogi Bear!

Once Yogi married Ling Ling he totally went crazy. He was playing in a rock band with his friend Shouting Thomas and doing a lot of drugs. He also began to gamble excessively and act recklessly. He would bet on anything. Since he was a big Cubs fan like Shouting Thomas they dropped a bundle betting on the Cubbies because they never won anything. Yogi got further and further involved in the life, to the point he was running match races with Smokey the Bear at Hialeah race track where he lost all of his money. That was the final straw for Ling Ling so she left him for Gentle Ben.
(Joseph Barbera. Hey There, It’s Yogi Bear The E True Hollywood Story of Yogi Bear)