The Tao of Cliff

"So Coach what are you making?"
"A new Cocktail. It's called the Trump."
"Really what's in it? Lots of win I suppose? A Mexican? Maybe some gold leaf?"
"Nah nothing like that Cliffy. Why would you think that. What are you stupid? All you do is talk about how great Trump is all the time. Don't you get tired of that? I mean he is not the real leader that we need like Mussolini or Huey Long."
"Little know fact. Mussolini ate a couple of cloves of garlic every night before he went to bed. Said it was good for his heart. Didn't do much for his sex life though."
"Seriously Cliffy where do you come up with this stuff."
"By my voluminous research Coach. I am on the computer every day. So tell me what's in this cocktail?"
"Vodka for his Russian connections, corn for his corny beliefs and sugar to sweeten it so you will swallow it. Oh and a dab of bull feces because you know. He is full of it."
"Sounds Delicious. Pour me one. And one for my friend Norm."
"Hey I don't want that. I only drink beer."
"It's free."
"Send it down here Coach."
"See everybody wants something for free."

The Tao of Cliff

Cliff Clavin: [in comparison to a Jewish bris] The original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down there in Borneo. 
Norm Peterson: Yeah? 
Cliff Clavin: When the young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell... 
Sam Malone: Oh, no, no, no don't tell me... 
Cliff Clavin: ...they would fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres... 
Sam Malone: Oh. 
Cliff Clavin: ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks in there... 
Norm Peterson: Cliffy, Cliff, Cliff... 
Cliff Clavin: ...and bang them together to call in the tribes out of the hills, you know. Then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff... 
Sam Malone: Oh, here it comes. 
Cliff Clavin: ...and shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it, pretty much, until they dropped, really. 
Sam Malone: Oh, wait... When do they circumcise the kid? 
Cliff Clavin: What do you mean circumcize? There are no Jews in Borneo, you mook. 
Ricpic: Oy what a Schmendrik!
Coach Ernie Pantusso What's that? I don't know how to make that drink. And I know everything!

The Tao of Cliff

Cliff Clavin:When I was a lad, I went to see the movie Trapeze with Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis. 
Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: No kidding Cliffy, did you sit between them? 
Cliff Clavin: No coach. I was sitting with blond. They were all so jealous of me. Still are. 
Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: I don't think they are jealous of you Cliffy. They just don't want to listen to your bullhockey.
Cliff Clavin: Well that is just too bad Coach. I will always give my opinion. I'm a post man and I deliver it straight.