"What are YOU 99.9% sure about?"

Reddit top voted answers...

That this hand sanitizer will kill these germs

My cat knows when I call his name, he just ignores me.

That the earth will get gobbled up by the sun and I will die billions of years before that,

And all this bullshit about what people do and say is more about personal selfish crap and not about anything real.
People jerk off,
Dudes have sex,
People smoke cigarettes,
People do drugs,
Chicks have abortions,
People fly flags,
NONE OF IT FUCKING MATTERS
Unless someone is jerking off on you, blowing smoke in your face, stealing your money to get high, flying your personal flag, or aborting your kid, Shut the fuck up, get the fuck out of the conversation, and go away.
We are all going to die, go do something.

I am ninety nine
point nine percent sure this is
a crappy haiku

That my dog isn't really retarded and just acts it.