You should never meet your hero's feet.

So we did a lot of landmarks and touristy shit when we went to California. The Hollywood Sign. Beverly Hills. Grauman's Chinses Theatre.

I wanted to find the John Wayne Plaque. You know what is about there right? They put concrete out and the star puts his feet or his hands and signs it with a message to the guy who owned the joint. I looked and I looked but I couldn't find it.

Sensible shoes

Every time I hear any public service announcement my single prevailing thought is, "Oh, shut up."

Because I'm paying for something and getting something else.

So to retaliate after refusing yours I'll deliver my own: always wear sensible shoes and especially for anything public, doubly especially on any uncertain surface. Women, do not wear anything high. Men, don't ever wear flip-flops unless you actually are at a bathhouse.