My Dinner with Andre the Giant

Andre: I just don't think I feel the need for anything more than all this, whereas, you know, you seem to be saying that it's inconceivable that anybody could be having a meaningful life today, and, you know, everyone is totally destroyed, and we all need to live in these outposts; but you know, I can't believe---even for you. Don't you find it pleasant just to get up in the morning?

Professor: I disagree. I never had a meaningful life. In fact my life has been and continues to be a waste. Nothing I have ever done has ever had a positive effect on anything in the world.

Andre: I think you are too hard on yourself. What about all the lonely Jeffrey Tubin types who correspond with you? Surely that means something.

Professor: Don't call me Shirley. And none of it means anything.

Andre: Is there anything I can do to make you feel better.

Professor; Well yes ....there is...can you body slam me?

Andre: I think that be arranged.

My Dinner with Andre the Giant

Andre: What does it do to us, Professor, living in an environment where something as massive as the seasons or winter or cold, don't in any way affect us? I mean, we're animals after all. I mean... what does that mean? I think that means that instead of living under the sun and the moon and the sky and the stars, we're living in a fantasy world of our own making.

Professor: Yeah, but I mean, I would never give up my electric blanket, Andre. I mean, because Wisconsin is cold in the winter. I mean, our apartment is cold! It's a difficult environment. I mean, our life is tough enough as it is. I'm not looking for ways to get rid of a few things that provide relief and comfort. I mean, on the contrary, I'm looking for more comfort because the world is very abrasive. I mean, I'm trying to protect myself because, really, there's these abrasive beatings to be avoided everywhere you look!

Andre: But, Professor, don't you see that comfort can be dangerous? I mean, you like to be comfortable and I like to be comfortable too, but comfort can lull you into a dangerous tranquility.

Professor: I agree that's why I married a gardener. That is as uncomfortable as you can get. The smell alone.