Dear Tulsi,
I wanted to speak with you before I have to go on the warpath. You know that there is no chance that you can win the primary. You don't have a base. You are not black. Or Hispanic. Or Muslim. Or Native American like me. So you really don't have a claim on any group as a base of support. Yeah I know you are part Samoan but that only gets into the tryouts to be a Sumo wrestler. There are not enough Samoans to matter. You just don't matter.
Add in the fact that you are too hetero-normative to be representative of our party. It is obvious that you have a healthy relationship with your husband and a normal sex life. That just doesn't fly in the current National Democratic Party. So just give it up.
If you endorse me I might be able to get you a Cabinet position. Nothing too important. Not Secretary of State or Defense. In fact we are going to close down the Department of Defense as all of our money is going to go to services for immigrants so we won't be wasting any money on bombs and guns anymore. If my ancestors could get along with bow and arrows than those dirty war mongers can do the same. Don't worry. I am not an Indian giver. If you endorse me you will get something. How about Ambassador to Syria. That would be right up your alley.
So if you don't quit in endorse me I am going on the warpath. I am not afraid to take a scalp or two. So watch it and do the right thing.
How,
Elizabeth Warren
3 comments:
Totally agree, BBH. I don't see anything physically attractive in Harris either, assholes usually aren't. Now Tulsi OTOH... is certainly easier on the eyes, as noticed in the post, than princess wampum so there's that.
Right now, Gropin' Joe, Bernie, and Fauxcahontas are the only ones polling above No One and Someone Else.
Watch for a latecomer or two when the herd is thinned
1. Very cute.
2. Great takedown of Harris.
3. Would be a terrible president.
4. Who cares, see #1.
If we can't have a good president, how about either entertaining or cute?
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