Over the course of nine experiments, the researchers learned that people predict that social isolation will result in a more enjoyable commute or waiting room experience. But the participants ended up reporting positive feedback both being spoken to and initiating conversation with a stranger.
The researchers also discovered that fear drives much of our solitary behavior: Participants said that even though they wanted to chat with someone, they assumed the other person wouldn’t want to reciprocate.
But in fact, “the pleasure of connection seems contagious: In a laboratory waiting room, participants who were talked to had equally positive experiences as those instructed to talk,” the researchers wrote in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
"Talking to Strangers Can Make You Happier"
“Connecting with strangers on a train may not bring the same long-term benefits as connecting with friends,” University of Chicago Booth School of Business Professor Nicholas Epley said in a press release. “But commuters on a train into downtown Chicago reported a significantly more positive commute when they connected with a stranger than when they sat in solitude.”
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22 comments:
Even if it's just being polite, you're usually better off connecting.
Experience informs us not to be so chatty with strangers in front of our spouse, with whom we just drove 15 miles without speaking a word.
John, we'll need deets to assess which of you was correct.
extrovert vs. introvert distinction made in the study?
I've not commuted on a train, but I've flown 3-5 times a year with Southwest, so that gives about 2 flights per journey each way.
I can 100% say I am much happier if I don't talk to anyone. I don't mind sharing a smile, but if you want to add stress to my travels, small talk with me.
PaddyO, My fellow introvert w/ a pertinent question. I actually enjoy engaging strangers. I have the ability from my profession to assess quickly if someone is interesting. I love to listen to interesting people. I learn a lot. Very seldom do I talk about myself. Rarely do I tell people I'm a PI.
PaddyO, Small talk is a deal breaker. I'm talking about substantive conversations. I bet you would tell me your life story. Virtually everyone does.
No deets for me.
Small talk is closely related to the need for people to maintain positive face — to feel approved-of by those who are listening to them.
But surely I owe you an accurate answer!
Deborah -
I had to look up "deets". We don't have too many mosquito problems down here.
Talking to strangers can also make you angstier. Or just leave a bad taste in the mouth.
The bus driver and the passenger on the previous post seemed happy...
Actually, I ride the bus a lot and I often talk to people. I've had some of the best conversations with strangers on the bus.
It probably depends on whether you are in an urban setting or not. When I lived in the City (that means San Francisco) you really didn't interact with strangers. Don't look people directly in the face. Don't strike up random conversations with random people because you just don't know what will happen or if that person will turn out to be the crazy schizo nut who will turn on you. Be polite, but be detached.
In a small town, first of all, very people are really strangers. We strike up conversations all the time with total strangers. In the grocery store. At the post office. It is more relaxed and people are just more open and friendly.
Now the best conversation started with where I was from. Apparently my accent gives me away even though I feel like I've lost it. Maybe someone can explain to me how asking where someone is from is a micro-aggression, or how asking about an accent is a micro-aggression? Or explain how this isn't something that persons of extreme palitude ever experience. "Let me guess... you're from Wisconsin?" "No, Minnesota." "I knew it was something like that." "You must be Norwegian." "Yeah. Actually, mostly Norwegian. We don't usually mention the Swede part." "Well, who would?"
People can micro-agress me anytime they like. I *like* talking about myself. Imagine that!
Paddy:
"I can 100% say I am much happier if I don't talk to anyone. I don't mind sharing a smile, but if you want to add stress to my travels, small talk with me."
Amen, brother.
DBQ:
It probably depends on whether you are in an urban setting or not
Ayup to that, sister! Following this post, I headed over to the Call an Ambalamps video mentioned in the Hoodie/Fist of Fury thread.
Everyone in the country talks to each other. Even if you don't know them.
Spinelli, I bet you're great at getting people started. Honestly, I find people's stories interesting, and no doubt could be pulled into sharing my life story. I'm pretty open, though I hide through that openness. Reveal the parts of yourself that aren't as important and people don't know they're missing the key parts.
But, it's draining for me. I need the quiet to detox from social settings and travel is often the best place. I can feel very alone in a crowd.
I'm personable, so I'll chat if needed, but I feel better the less I talk. A couple days or more without talking to anybody at all is exceedingly invigorating.
When pulled into talking in a commute I lose my window between home talking and work talking. Traffic is bad too because it requires so much interaction with other cars, always needing to be attuned to other people.
"Small talk is closely related to the need for people to maintain positive face — to feel approved-of by those who are listening to them."
I think this is my INTJ side that helps. I don't really feel a need to be approved of by people. And I'm so not a small talker that my attempts at such usually are awkward and lead to more disapproval. I have a resting face that looks like I'm thinking deeply, so even if I'm just thinking about lunch, by not talking I'm likely impressing people more.
Today I was taking out the trash and converged in the little trash room with a young girl behind me and an even younger little boy.
I said, "You're throwing trash away too."
The boy did not respond. The girl said, uh huh.
I addressed the boy directly. "Do you want to toss it?" After all, it can be kind of fun. He didn't respond. Just a blank look. I sensed apprehension, confusion.
"¿Quieres dar paseo desliza por la tolva?"
Do you want to slide through the chute? (I think)
*pause*
"¡Nooooo!"
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just kidding.
Leaving the room.
"Vamos a la carrera."
But they didn't race. As children do. eh. El hielo remained unbroken. You can't win 'em all.
It depends on my mood, but if I chat with someone in public, I tend to be the listener and will ask questions. On the Briggs-Meyer my Introvert scale goes about 4/5 of the way over.
When I'm with family and there are two days in a row of get-togethers, the third day I must decompress.
There was a cute article out a few years ago with an introvert explaining how introverts think and feel. Payoff line: it's not me, it's you.
deborah, on the personality tests, MBTI, 16PF, etc. I tend to test entirely on the introvert side. Perfect 10! Learning that about myself has been a huge boon. I wish I knew this in high school and college when I felt like I had to constantly be social. Then I was clinically depressed, which wasn't worth it.
Wait a second, Spinelli has just gotten me to share my life story!
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