Instant Replay-The Unedited Edition

I will never forget our first Super Bowl. We were in the first two representing the NFL who were the established traditional league. But you always remember your first.

We were playing the upstart AFL which was full of losers and guys who couldn't make it in our league. The Chiefs were led by that constipated midget Hank Stram and featured losers like Lenny Dawson who is the second most retarded Lenny after that guy who squeezed the rabbits. You see Lenny squeezed the football just as hard which is why he couldn't win a game against us if his life depended on it.

We had to take it easy on them in the first half. Not run up the score or anything like that. Pete Rozelle sent down word not to run up the score so Coach Lombardi made sure we held it down. Bart went crazy in the second half when Coach took his leash off.

It all started to change when good old Willie Wood made an interception and made a great run back to get us all fired up. Willie had a tough year that season. You see during the off season his wife had stuck an axe in his head in their off season home of Brownsville, Brooklyn. So he was kind of off all year round. He didn't even want to rob a liquor store in Milwaukee with the other Negroes on the team. That interception made all the difference and let us all forget about what a mope he had been all season.

Max Magee managed to sober up enough to catch a couple of touchdowns. Coach was pissed at him all year. Max had been boozing it up all week before the game. He only got to play because Boyd Dowler was hurt so he had no idea what was up.  Of course he had spent the whole season drunk so it was no real problem for him.

Paul Hornung was even worse if that was possible. He didn’t even get into the game. He had an injury. I think it was a distended anus that he got the week before when he went out drinking with Dandy Don and Lance Rentzel before the NFL championship game. He didn’t even seem to care much about the game. He didn’t even come into the locker room during halftime as he stood listening to Al Hirt and admiring how his cheeks would puff out when he was blowing on that horn. That and chatting with those young boys who played the piccolo in the marching band. Coach didn't seem to care. It seems his friends back in New York had let him know that the Golden Boy had bet the game heavy and that he took the Chiefs.

You see the Coach always had a good idea of how the game was going to come out based on what the boys back in New York had to say. He would call one of his old buddies like Frankie Carbo and get the word. The Packers were the favorites so he knew we were going to win. It was just a matter of by how much. Frankie and Socks Lanza said it was in the bag.

So the Super Bowl was sort of an anti-climax. I hope that it not always be that way. I just know that the Packers will be in one most every year. Coach says its a lock.

(Instant Replay- The Unedited Edition, Jerry Kramer & Dick Schaap Random House 1968)