Unemployed actors living in huge Manhattan lofts.Please share your annoying movie "fake thing" recollections.
Hero always finds a parking spot right out front, too.
When someone is being chased by a car. Why the fuck do they ALWAYS continue running on a straight road?! You obviously cannot outrun a car.
When two people want to talk privately and they casually step like 5 feet away in the same room, like nobody else in the room wouldn't be able to hear them.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
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Please share your annoying movie "fake thing" recollections.
What gets me is when the woman actually enjoys having sex.
It. Never. Happens!!!
Hairstyles that did not exist in the time frame of the movie.
Eric...[awkward pause]...I hate to break the news to you, but what you describe is not universal.
Any street chase sequence filmed in San Francisco. (Confusing to native.)
Rules of evidence/ethics non-existent in law movies. (What Ever.)
Holding gun sideways. (Grow up.)
World weary voiceover from character in the future. (Shut up.)
Robots, CGI, too many special effects. (Is reality that bad?)
Obvious music cues. (I get it; now is the time when we cry.)
Kids that act like adults. (Go to your room.)
Also, the fictional parallel universe in which everything is the fault of
1. EVIL CORPORATIONS;
2. RACIST/SEXIST CONSERVATIVES;
3. USA.
Bat, pull yourself together. This is embarrassing.
Has gotten into something fermented and it's not even afternoon yet.
Voluntary facials.
That shit never happens, because who the hell wants that anyway - on either end?
The other thing is action appropriate music when you do stuff. In real life, you're having a one night stand and "Having My Baby" comes on the radio, or you are sharing a romantic moment with the love of your life and virtually any rap tune jumps in with the "bitches and hoes" every other line. Why can't I ever get "Muskrat Love" when I need it?
"Kids that act like adults." is very annoying.
A sort of good thing that happens is when they have some retro 70s-80s music cue in the background that's better than the movie it's in. Billy Preston, Captain & Tenille, LTD, KC & the Sunshine Band, Elvin Bishop, DEVO, even Motley Crue, et al. - you are far too good for this crap!
The wife and I have been binge viewing "24" over the last few months. As former residents of Southern California, we're always amused that the characters can drive from one side of Los Angeles to another (or Bakersfield to LA) in 10-15 minutes.
As I've mellowed with age, I've learned to accept these things. After all, who wants to watch the hero drive around for 20 minutes looking for a parking place.
An exception would be diddling around while letting the phone ring a dozen times without answering as the caller waits. Pick up the damn phone before they hang up.
Another exception would be calmly and slowly waking up and casually going to the door when someone is frantically and loudly banging and screaming at you to get up.
Another exception ... well I guess I'm not as mellow as I thought.
I always laugh at how NASA is portrayed with fancy and modern buildings and hardware. The majority of architecture is from the worse parts of the 1960s and 70s, including the launch vehicles and especially the launch facilities. Even the ISS IT infrastructure is from the late 80s and early 90s, so over 2 decades old.
As for the Bat, I'm sorry to hear it for you, but my results seem to vary from yours.
Amartel in relation to the music, I thought that was the new success formula for bad movies. If you have a bad script, you just make a soundtrack that's "an awesome mix" tape and release the CD for sale.
No one goes to the bathroom.
No one does the laundry.
No one shops for food.
No one has money anxieties.
In short, there is no reality.
I don't like the fake construct that democrats and socialism are good and all else is bad.
Hollywood feeding into ... (see above post)
Leland, you are so right. The recycling of good pop culture into crappy pop culture. Like the movies that are sequels of iconic TV shows. It worked for Star Trek but not much else.
After about 200 romantic comedies, the number one problem is no dramatic structure.
The genre-required problem isn't related to the story, is uninteresting or stupid.
What you want -- so rare -- is opposites being antagonistic until they find opposites fit.
Two Weeks Notice would be an example of that. Spectacularly good win-her-back speech at the end. It captures what the woman wants to hear and what the guy wants to feel.
The Proposal, sort of, is another sane one.
I remember liking You Have Mail and Notting Hill, which loosely fit my criteria.
Erin Brockovich had some nice moments as some other genre than romance.
There, I've saved you several hundred dollars in DVDs.
Stay away from anything involving Nicholas Sparks. He kills off the love interest for fun at the end.
After about the fourth one, you see it coming.
"Any street chase sequence filmed in San Francisco. (Confusing to native.)"
Bullitt. Its an American classic. You philistine.
;)
Techno babble that is so obviously wrong you wonder how the writers are unable to open a book, wikipedia or if they can even dress themselves.
Squealing tires on a dirt road. Really???
The roads always wet in the night scenes especially in Los Angeles where it hardly ever rains. I know.. the lights look cool and all but seriously.....it is LA!!!
Hairstyles that are obviously not of the time frame the film was supposed to be set in. Make up too!
The moon is always full.
Everyone drinks like super alcoholic. Amazing quantities.
Bad guys can't shoot. Extra laughs when the bad guy is built up as the world's best assassin, but when shooting at the hero, he can't shoot.
Lem said...
"Kids that act more adult than the adults." is very annoying.
FIFY
Dust Bunny Queen said...
Hairstyles that are obviously not of the time frame the film was supposed to be set in. Make up too!
Or the other end of the spectrum; over saturation of period hair styles. Not everyone in the 80's had spiked hair or mullets.
If Sixty Grit were here he'd bring up something I termed "arboreality" - the authenticity of on-location sets as revealed in the trees one sees in the background. He dismissed "Justified" because the trees weren't indigenous Kentucky deciduous species.
Me? I like "Justified." It shows growth. Just look how far Timothy Olyphant has come: link
When the lead good guy is the only one who knows anything or can do it right.
The idea sidekicks are always bumblers.
chick, there's specific trees messing up the shots, and then there's the goddamn Santa Monica Mountains standing in for southeastern Kentucky. Justified's locations take major suspension of disbelief to get over.
Fr. Fox - it's easy to drink like a fish when all of your whiskey is actually iced tea in decanters.
Justified is the best show on TV. I'm looking around for a replacement since it's ending. Better Call Saul is interesting.
It's very good, but I think The Americans has been better this season. I haven't gotten around to watching Better Call Saul, it sounded inessential, but maybe I'll watch it later on after Justified wraps up.
War movies where the soldiers are literally running out in open fire area and they don't get hit by bullets or shrapnel or anything.
The other one is where mortars go off next to the hero and clods of debris go flying all over the place and nothing happens while they run to the bulwark they are trying to reach. No ruptured ear drums, no concussive blasts, nothing.
Car commercials where it's the only car on the road and the road is all wet. WTF?
Or the insurance commercials with the talking lizard with Aussie accent. That seems really fake.
Amertel -- you reminded me of some new insurance company commercials, in which various "everymen" are talking to us about their misfortunes, and then they say something like, hey, stupid-evil insurance companies, why can't I have a free lunch?"
What irritates me is the fact that the insurance company in question operates on the assumption that it is speaking to idiots. I actually yelled at the TV one time with one of those ads.
The Liberty Mutual ads? Those make me yell. Hey, evil insurer, I gave my car a name (because I'm an emotional basketcase) and then I wrecked it and now I want a brand NEW CAR. Gimme!
This got me thinking - these morons remind me of Obama's sad story (early on) about how his minimum financial responsibility insurer wouldn't pay to repair his car after he got into an accident. (And supposedly laughed at him when he called to make a claim which is a little too Grishamish to be real.) Hello, you hopelessly ignorant helpless tool, it's an MFR policy so there's probably no collision coverage. It's for the people you run into, not for you. Same attitude and ignorance is on display in these ads. I PAID so give me more than I paid for ... and make it snappy.
After the great progressive transformative revolution, there's going to need to be a lot of lowered expectations.
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