Grant Achatz's Alinea restaurant in Chicago  is awarded number one of top 100 restaurants as deemed by paying customers. Third year in a row. He has books too.

Alinea, Grant Achatz rated 4.5 stars on Amazon 69 reviews. Let's read the worst reviews first. Let's guess what they complain about. My guesses:

* can not use a single thing for home recipes. Too complex ingredients too exotic.
* tried a recipe and it didn't work
* book too expensive
* does this thing have an editor? I can't believe...
* something wrong with physical book, unsatisfied with order.

Those are my guesses. Now let's check.

No 1-star ratings. That surprises me.
Only two  2-star ratings. Those will have to do.

* nicest book the reviewer ever saw but way too esoteric.
* interesting photos.

That's why I have never in my life tasted the mysterious messes called tuna salad, chicken salad & egg salad in the US. Their ingredients are always squashed into unrecognizable jumbles of who-knows-what, glued together by excessive amounts of processed goo called mayonnaise but totally different from what true mayonnaise actually is (read a recipe for mayonnaise if you don't believe me).

[Me. Now it's personal. That's what I made tonight, tuna salad, and it is delicious. Ate the whole thing. Fuck you. But what else do you have to say, now that we're into it and now that we know you are thick.]

The food illustrated in the Alinea book shares something with the horrid junk food I just mentioned, except that instead of looking disgusting it looks beautiful. It looks like jewelry or other artistic sculptural work. But it sure don't look like food, & resembles no food I've ever seen in any of the best 3-Star European restaurants I've been privileged to eat at (before I became strictly kosher).

[Me. There you have it, not just regular stupid, resolutely stupid. This 2-star opinion is no value to us.  Seven people responded. I bet they are more interesting than the ignorant pinched criticism.]

Let's look.

1) worst review contains ur, cuz alot Why write a review based on pushing culinary envelope when you won't eat anything that doesn't look the way you feel it is suppostd to? Ridiculous.

2) Ed Clark answers back, but his remark is voted down so it disappears. Let's open it.

Extremely hostile and stupid self-contradicting response. Challenges commenter's English, suggests he obstain until he learns, denigrates the term culinary envelope, accuses of being a pretentioius foodie nerd trying to talk tough like Sam Shepard as Chuck Yeager in the Right Stuff. Then asks, "How many planes have you flown, hot-dog?" Pardon him for preferring food that looks and smells good. Reiterates religious dietary restrictions. Invites the commenter to go to the ER if he still has trouble removing his head from his rectum.

How rude. I can see now why that is voted down. I'm shutting it.

3) #1 returns, Joshua, says back: You're writing a review telling one of the best chef's in the world, whose food you have not eaten, how much better his food would be if he did it differently, and I'm the one with my head up my ass?

You bought a modernist cookbook whose focus is changing texture, appearance, taste and temperature, and then say you prefer food that is recognizable.

If I were reading reviews on a ping pong table and came across a 2 star review of it that said "This table really should be much bigger so that you can stand on it, and the balls really should be covered in a yellow felt, and the paddles really should be more like rackets" I would have made the same comment. Your review was worthless and ridiculous, no matter how many negative, tough guy cliches you'd like to project on me personally.

Invites Ed to rock on.

4) Ed Clark returns but his comment is voted down and closed. Let's open it and see how hostile and thick Ed is.

Oh dear, he does goe on.

Time for your meds. wishes Joshua well on his hallucinations abating, but be careful of wild and dangerous chronic paranoid schizophrenia.

Refers to Joshua's head up his butt again, acknowledges good reviews reiterates he is unlikely to visit.

Bought the book on recommendation of two professional chefs. He likes to keep abreast of gastronomic innovations to determine which, if any, can inspire him to culinary mimicry or analogous applications of the techniques.

cut/paste': To get back to your aggressively supercilious & inane commentary: I had no idea whether or not the book would please me when I bought it. I correctly anticipated that I'd find a wealth of new ideas in it. However, the equipment & service utensils required for Mr Achatz's specialities are quite difficult to find & horrendously expensive. So, without discovery of a "middle ground" enabling one to semi-duplicate some of Alinea's dishes, the book's status in my house will remain largely ornamental (i.e., on the coffee table). BTW, I'm all for tweaking textures, etc., but only when it's practical, intriguing or both.

Finally, you should really take some courses in English usage, philosophy & symbolic logic, as your argumentation is such baseless subjective hogwash & so inconsistent that you appear to playing with fewer than 52 cards in your deck. Cheers

5) You have inflated and deluded self-image. Overwrought writing. Joshua has clearer arguments than you. Stick to writing unposted love letters instead. Your review is useless.

6) This is why reviewers should be vetted. Monumentally off-base with your review and assumptions you bring with you. Exercise in self-flattery and not a commentary on the book or its inherent merits. Overwrought replies confirm you simply haven't gotten over yourself enough for a cogent review.

7) Gives it to Joshua. Expects Ed to retaliate and criticize their grammar. You review is ridiculous junk I ever read. You say pretentious but that actually describes you and your review.

Assuming somebody need psychological help via medication is rude and shows the person being aggressive is you, also unnecessary.

It is as if Fox News was to judge investigative journalism... You just can't really take them serious.

[Me. Going to pass a chance to mention Koch brothers?]

You say in one of your reviews that Chef Achatz should put more "focus on the food"... that alone just shows that you are not aware of the impact he has made on the culinary world... including his tireless study of the products he works with.

Me. So do you want the book or not?  It is a very good deal. Apart from these insane two-star reviews every one else loves it. Except for the tiny typeface on light gray background making reading impossible.

One of the many five-star reviews:

Achatz is known for molecular gastronomy, which means he uses chemicals and innovative tools to turn a meal into an explosion of flavor and surprise. This book shows his food being served so it looks like something from outer space; and there is a section that discusses things you might never really buy, but which he uses, like antigriddles, which freezes food instantly.

It's fun to take a book that seems so extreme and out of our comfort zone as home chefs, and to prepare actual recipes from it. This book has us ordering crazy ingredients, and doing things like turning homemade caramel into a powdery shotglass of yumminess.

We've had a blast with the Alinea cookbook, and I highly suggest buying it and having fun. Read Carol's blog, AlineaAtHome.com, for inspiration, and try out a recipe or two on your own. We went from thinking it was a book to look at only, to having our children use some of the recipes (a cracker one, for example) to create their own snacks.

Definitely, one of our favorite cookbooks of all times.

Me: There's the right attitude.

I have Heston Blumenthal's book Fat Duck. It too is a gorgeous book and interesting to read all the way through with wonderful imaginative art besides in addition to outstanding photography. I enjoyed looking through it again, originally that is what this post was about, none of the recipes in that book were tried here either, nor were any of the techniques. It is the similar deal. That is how I made such excellent guesses.

Both books are $35.00 on Amazon  and that is an exceedingly good deal for a artsy coffee-table type books, down from $60 for Achatz's book and down from $50 for Blumenthal's book.

What I wanted to show you, if you still with it this far and still interested and if you have a moment, a blog post that spans several pages with a lot of nice photos and brief videos of tourists visiting Fat Duck restaurant and what they see there. The group of travelers heard about the restaurant and decided to try. It is delightful reading. The first video opens, a man who could be your grandpa, could be your uncle, licking his plate, a woman's voice:

"That's enough now, Dear." 

The story in words is here. I found it again by searching [fat duck +"we paid (boy, did we)"

Independent.co.uk via Drudge.