I made a salad tonight of half-burnt Brussels sprouts that immediately became my favorite salad. The only dressing is salt / pepper and aged balsamic sprinkled at the very end, the fat already on the sprouts from singing. Halved Brussels sprouts are grilled with pork chops on an imperfectly cleaned grill pan, or better an outdoor grill, and the smoking that happens and cross contamination from remnant previous fried meat knocks the edge off the bitter Brussels sprouts while encompassing them with smoky wonder and sinful primal animal fat. They are denatured just so.
If I would volunteer to make a salad for a dinner party, of say ten, and then produce this singed Brussels sprouts salad, somebody in the party would upon reminiscing feel compelled later to mail me a $100 out of gratitude.
No brag. Just fact.
I know because that happened last year.
I did not do it for money nor for love of making salads nor to win the admiration of my peers, no, I volunteered, insisted on making the salads for the second dinner party within a few weeks. The first dinner party I was served a salad so limp and drowning in dressing that no part of it could be eaten. I know they know better than that. I sat there actually feeling sorry for myself because the whole thing was obviously neglect.
Gawl.
When another invitation came along within a short time I insisted allow me to handle the salad. I'll load up a cooler and bring all that's need for the whole party of twelve. No problemo. That stuff comes out of me effortlessly that's why I was so offended. It was a very basic iceberg wedge, but with unusual things you do not usually associate with blue cheese dressing collected on the plate, and not mixed, so there is purity of watermelon and other such sweet innocent light fruit things, until the person allows blue cheese touch the items themselves. It is a salad-control thing that leads to pleasant surprises when they realize, wow, that really does go together, and by that discovery feel they contrived that combination themselves, because they did.
The next week I was sent a gift certificate for 100.00 at Whole Foods and that is the same thing as 100.00.
Laugh if you like. Snort. Cluck. I don't care. Somebody sent me $100.00 just for doing what I usually do -- be a bitch about my own salad. That is the only reason I did that. Had they made a decent salad the first time I'd not have volunteered.
And since I like Brussels sprouts salad a lot more than that ordinary iceberg wedge with delicious homemade blue cheese dressing made with top ingredients, that is how I know the outside accolades would match or be even greater.
The wedge combination is more amazing at hand than it looks from afar because the blue cheese is loaded and strong and satisfying and that contrasts with light sweet things, and dull things like avocado, and crispy sourdough croutons.
The Brussels sprouts intrigue is better than that. This is a masculine salad. I love it more than any salad before. This salad will get me a man!
Wait I don't want one of those around here! Best to forget the whole thing. Forget I mentioned any of of this. It can lead to no good, gifts from strangers and and like, gift cards to upscale places like Whole Foods, the salad invites trouble. I'm sorry for mentioning.
6 comments:
You are a culinary artist, my friend.
(pronounced: art-teest)
I absolutely hate brussels sprouts. To me, they taste like acetone, fingernail polish remover or some other nasty chemical taste that will just not ever go away. My mother always just boiled the bejesus out of them, so maybe that is the problem. Poor preparation.
However, this salad sounds really good and I might try it. Plus the photos, as always, are wonderful.
There's a pizza place in town that makes the most delicious fresh raw brussel-sprout salad. It's really chewy and gives your jaw a major workout. Mixed with walnuts and dressed with oil and lemon juice. yum.
What are the topics of conversation at these dinner parties?
Tofu is the unfood. Or is it a Zombie food. A Zombfu perhaps?
I agree with DBQ as I hate brussel sprouts. However the wife loves them so I have come up with a recipe. It is somewhat similar to Chips. What I do is sauté a healthy amount of either pancetta or bacon in a tablespoon of olive oil. I add some shredded brussel sprouts and a healthy dash of white balsamic vinegar. A little freshly ground pepper and it is ready to serve. Most people seem to love it. I mean who doesn't love something smothered in bacon fat?
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