Thursday, April 15, 2021

Okay, I will take my own advice

 I read that my neighbor Bernie Madoff died. Aw, poor baby. He only stole billions in the largest Ponzi scheme ever. Ponzi himself was probably thinking "I should have dreamed up a bigger scam!"

We are currently living under several scams, the stolen election, the Chink flu and others, such as Climate Catastrophe - what a bunch of bullshit that one is. In 4.5 billion years the climate of this planet has never stayed the same for long. But mindless mask wearing morons think that if they throw their money at politicians then every day will be perfect. My disdain for their idiocy knows no bounds. It's as if they all live in Madison - nothing else can explain that level of imbecility. 

But I have a better scam. Sure, Bernie got billions, the climate boys get trillions, but they need to buy into my new scheme - and this is going to cost quadrillions - make your checks out to cash, please.

If you just send me all of your money I will stop plate tectonics. Think of it - no more continents roaming willy-nilly all over the face of the planet, bumping into one another - nope - I will put an end to all of that random crap. It's going to require that everyone dig deep but think of the utopia that will result - no more volcanoes (I am looking at you St. Vincent and Iceland), no more earthquakes, no more mountain ranges getting loftier, no - the sea will remain where it is and never again will it split North America asunder from the Arctic Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico - that crap will not be permitted. And tsunamis - fugedaboudit!

So there you have it - the scam of all scams. I need some four color posters and maybe a Power Point slide show with bullet points, but I think this will be a winner, given the proper publicity.

Get in on the ground floor, before some sort of geologic uplift causes the ground floor to relocate to higher ground. 


chickelit said...

Or, revert to Pele worship and petition her to control magma and bimbo eruptions. She ran in 2016 and lost.

ndspinelli said...

A trip to the Utah canyons, where you can see the levels of rock where the area was an ocean, jungle, and ice over millions of years debunks all the horseshit. Unfortunately, facts are irrelevant.