Toot’s Shors Saloon, August 1, 1962(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: ( stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear She begins to queef quietly, just barely audible over the sounds of the bar)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I have. I have been seeing the President. President Kennedy. I know he’s married to that ice cold cunt. But he loves me. He loves me Joe. (She starts to queef louder and more furiously)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: The President needs me you know. He has to do something about Cuba. Frank Sinatra had me go out with this Cuban official at the UN. He was Castro’s half brother. I had to find out his secrets and transmit to an agent. So they taught me twatter. They used a chambermaid that cleaned our room. I had to queef it to her in code so the dirty commie wouldn’t understand. I was a gueefer for the FBI Joe. Aren’t you proud of me. ( She is now queefing as loud as a pond full of drunken ducks).
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: The President needs me you know. He has to do something about Cuba. Frank Sinatra had me go out with this Cuban official at the UN. He was Castro’s half brother. I had to find out his secrets and transmit to an agent. So they taught me twatter. They used a chambermaid that cleaned our room. I had to queef it to her in code so the dirty commie wouldn’t understand. I was a gueefer for the FBI Joe. Aren’t you proud of me. ( She is now queefing as loud as a pond full of drunken ducks).
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…what the fuck did you ever do for your country…I bet you never sucked a cuban dick for America did you, you Dago fuck..I love America…I love Jack….I love this county and well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me that faggot J Edgar on the phone.
Toots: You sure Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUP!
5 comments:
This is sort of a reply to Chip about putting up posts and not getting views or comments.
This is one of my all time favorite posts and I only got one commment.
You can never tell what will strike peoples fancy. You just have to throw it out there and let them decide.
I just want to say that I really appreciate all the hard work you are doing on the blog. I will try to post more I have just been very busy.
Troop, did you ever read the book Dinner With DiMaggio by Rock Positano? Positano was a podiatrist, a podiatrist to the stars as it were and DiMaggio had some very severe foot problems that Positano worked on with considerable success. Anyway, DiMaggio and Positano hit it off and Positano was "on call" from then on. What comes through is that DiMaggio was difficult, to put it mildly, but also a born aristocrat. Interesting read.
Does the word obsession ring a bell?
Or is it fetish?
I went to High School with Positano. He brought DiMaggio as the guest of honor to the first big fundraiser that Xaverian had back in the day. I got to meet DiMaggio briefly.
My experience with him is reflected in these posts.
I think it's funny as hell. Without knowing anything about DiMaggio's personality I'm getting the impression that being bored and pissed off isn't unusual for him. I learn a lot of new words from your posts, this time queefing and twatter.
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