A sailor sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
He looks to his left and there's a pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, and eye patch.
The sailor asks how the leg was lost. "A gator ripped off me leg while burying gold in Florida." He asks next how he lost his hand. "A shark bit ma hand off while I was throwing the gator into the sea."
Amazed at the pirate's bravery, he asked how the man lost his eye. "A seagull shit in me eye." The sailor was shocked and asked, "a bird shit in your eye and you lost it??"
The pirate said, "it was my first day with the hook."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "make me one with everything."
^(If this doesn't work on its own, there is an extension:)
The vendor gives him a hot dog and the Buddhist gives him a twenty dollar bill. After a moment of waiting, the Buddhist asks, "Where's my change?" The vendor smiles and says, "Ahh, change must come from within."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. Bartender asks, "what can I get you guys"? First mathematician says "I'd like a pint of beer please." The second one says "I just want a half pint." The third one says "a quarter pint". The bartender listens for a while and then stops them. He pours out two pints and says "you know, you guys really ought to know your limits."