Saturday, December 31, 2016

"Husband has gone 20 YEARS without speaking to his wife since she upset him"

Most couples have experienced a long and awkward period of silence after a row it is unlikely to compare to a husband and wife who have not spoken for two decades - but continue to live with each other.

Otou Katayama, from Nara, southern Japan, continues to live with his three children and wife, Yumi, who perseveres in making conversation with him but has only ever received a nod or a grunt in response for 20 years.

The Japanese couple's silence was revealed by their 18-year-old son Yoshiki, who wrote into a TV show asking them to fix the situation as he had never heard them have a conversation.

And sure enough, a meeting was arranged between them in the park where they had their first date, as their emotional children watched on.

'Somehow it's been a while since we talked.

Via Twitter: for more go to this link


AllenS said...

Yumi: "No sake for you tonight!"

Otou: [silent crickets]

ndspinelli said...

I had a neighbor growing up. They had one kid, a boy a couple years older than me. I looked up to him and he was my closest friend. His dad was the golf pro @ the local golf course. The dad would speak to me and his son, but NEVER to his wife. When he spoke w/ me it was short sentences but I noticed if his wife was not present, he would speak more. Now, his wife CONSTANTLY spoke w/ this guy. CONSTANTLY..often questions and she NEVER got anything more than a grunt. This memory goes back as far as I can remember, about age 4. When I got to be ~12, I started doing work @ the golf course. I would clean shoes and clubs, shag balls @ the driving range, charge the golf carts, caddy..everything. And, at the golf course, this guy was very engaging.

When I was an adult I asked my mom about this. She surmised the wife trapped the husband into marrying her by getting pregnant.

ricpic said...

Jap wife: Why you no speak me all these year?

Jap husband: You burn rice!

ndspinelli said...


Sixty Grit said...

Livin' the dream...

edutcher said...

He could have gone off to New Guinea and waited for MacArthur to come.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

Livin' the dream...

Could be a blessing

MamaM said...

Their children's responses touched my heart.

Silent treatment starts out as a means of protective control. One person reaches a place or point where they refuse to engage in open, honest communication with another out of a deep inner need to protect themselves from emotions they are unwilling to feel, acknowledge or address.

That's my understanding based on experience. The online explanation from Hey, Sigmund, The Surprising Truth about The Silent Treatment is this. which takes it to another level:

The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally.

Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.

The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad.

The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but.

Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, ‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’

The ability to detect ostracism is hardwired in us – it doesn’t matter if you’re being ignored by a group or a person you can’t stand, the pain still registers.

The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.

The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance...

The silent treatment should not be confused with taking time to cool down after heated or difficult exchange. Williams suggests that instead of reverting to the silent treatment, try ‘I can’t talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later.’

Nobody engages the silent treatment expecting it to damage the relationship, and that’s the danger.

Generally, it’s called on as the weapon of choice because it’s powerful and it’s easy to get away with. There is nothing subtle about a physical or verbal lashing, but an accusation of the silent treatment, ‘Are you ignoring me?’ can easily be denied.

Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but it’s not. It’s a way to inflict pain but without the physical marks.

Being noticed is so close to being loved, that sometimes they feel the same.

MamaM said...

This one is good too, focused on Silent Treatment as a tool of the self-absorbed.

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies. It is designed to
(1) place the abuser in a position of control;
(2) silence the target’s attempts at assertion;
(3) avoid conflict resolution/personal responsibility/compromise; or
(4) punish the target for a perceived ego slight. Often, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control.

While it's understandable that a man might feel trapped into marrying a women with whom he'd had sex and impregnated, whatever deceits, pressures, and expectations he encountered in that situation were his responsibility as an adult to work through. Silent treatment is no way to do so. In fact, the message that needs to be conveyed to whomever sees and wonders about silent treatment, is that it is an unhealthy way to deal with disappointment and conflict.

Methadras said...

Trying to remain silent. The struggle is real.

XRay said...

Good stuff, MamaM. I'd never really given it that much thought.