Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Why Yelp is for assholes.



So this nasty twat goes into a bodega and sees a cat sleeping on a case of Bud. What does she do? Tries to make a Federal case out of it. She posted this on Yelp:

Diana D wrote
"I've ordered from SK before and the sandwiches are pretty good. Today, however, I decided to stop in and grab a sandwich. To my dismay- there was a cat, perched upon some cases of Budweiser in the middle of the store!! Besides being allergic to cats, I wonder what the health code say about this?"

Now I have had plenty of problems on Yelp. People think they can say anything they want to destroy your business. I was talking about it with Nino from the bakery yesterday. Some twat wrote a bad review because she felt she had to wait too long to get a box of cookies. He was freaking out . He was screaming that people like that are not his real customers. Which is true. It is always the assholes who try and destroy a small business.

This woman didn't  know what hit her. She thought she could just spew and nobody would say anything which happens all the time. She had over 7,000 retweets of people smashing her for attacking the pussy. I guess if you attack the pussy you get destroyed. 

Nelson who has the bodega next door and he has a cat that I hate. It hates me  too. He is always trying to sneak into my store. I am always chasing him. I don't let anybody know about it though. I know better. That stupid cat is the most popular thing on Court St. Kids pet it. Hipster girls go gaga. They just don't get that it is a working cat. Sometimes Nelson locks it out of the store. Sometimes on freezing nights. He runs across the busy street all the time. Freaks out passing busybodies. I just laugh.

Sometimes you just have to keep your thoughts to yourself. Doesn't mean you can't be subtle and chase the smelly bastard into ongoing traffic with nobody being the wiser. You have to fly  under the radar. 

14 comments:

windbag said...

Health code? Hah!! Typical lefty thinking. The gubmint has the answer to everything. Here's two examples that would freak her out. According to our local health department, you don't have to refrigerate mayonnaise. Now, I want to visit all the inspectors' homes and see where they keep their mayo...in the fridge or in the cupboard? Another one is the health department doesn't require fast food restaurants to clean those plastic trays you carry your food on out to the dining room from the counter. They say that if the restaurant puts a liner on the tray, then the food won't come into contact with the tray itself, so no harm, no foul. Right...

More typical lefty thinking. They want to whine and cry and have someone else, preferably the gubmint, to fix the "problem" they've identified. Look, anytime there's pussy on your case of beer, you should grab it and put it where you want it. Duh.

edutcher said...

Things like Yelp seem to turn into lynch mobs once the Lefties get involved.

Sixty Grit said...

When you picnic at Windbag's in the summer, avoid the tater salad, just sayin'...

Amartel said...

Lefty scolds ruin everything.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

I see nothing offensive in the paragraph quoted. Merely an objection and a question asked. Certainly not a federal case.

bagoh20 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bagoh20 said...

I like the online reviews of businesses. It's just like word of mouth, with all the same caveats. I ignore the ones that bitch about stuff that should be taken in stride and I assume some people's opinions are worthless, just like I do with anything else. The thing is, a company with a lot of positive reviews and and very few negatives is hard to argue with. They almost certainly do a great job.

Trooper York said...

You have to realize that there are fifty satisfied customers for everyone who bitches.

The story about the bakery is very instructive. It is full of neighborhood people who come in to get the delicious cakes and pastries. The bad reviews are almost always from the same idiots who make bad reviews about almost every place they go. It is simply destructive.

Yelp approached me about taking out an ad or doing about $500 a month and my bad reviews would mysteriously disappear. They are crooks.

windbag said...

You have to realize that there are fifty satisfied customers for everyone who bitches.

Absolutely spot on. I think the research says that a dissatisfied customer tells 19 other people about their experience, while a satisfied customer tells 3. Truly dissatisfied customers--to the extent that they are not returning ever--are rare. Yelp and other sites make it too easy for someone who is having a bad day take it out on a business that was unlucky enough to have them walk through their door that day. Tourists are the worst, because they aren't repeat business anyway, and so the anonymity is amplified and they go so over the top it's ridiculous.

Chip Ahoy said...

Oh wow, you just now gave me an idea to leave a great review for CoBrew. I must be one of their best salesmen.

And for Golden Triangle Auto too. And Denver Pizza Co. too. And Tony's Market too.

I like all those places. I didn't even think of praising them on Yelp. But I do everywhere else.

(Oh man, this purple cole slaw with pineapple I made yesterday is fantastic. I just now ate a whole bowl of it and I want more. But that's beside the point.)

This morning I told the guys at the auto shop how much fun the CoBrew thing was and what a fantastic place it is to go into and the auto guy goes, "That does it! I'm going back up there and taking their class." Then on returning they asked me if I'm still doing photography and I go, "Sure. Everyday. I put them up on my site." Right then they look up my site and suddenly the whole place is talking about how they they make chicken broth and how they make collard greens and how they make cole slaw.

And I'm thinking, "wow, this is really weird. You don't expect this from mechanics."

I think they like me because they get all these posh cars in there all the time and then I come in with my truck. It doesn't fit.

rcocean said...

Yelp is full of moron reviews. I've almost given up using it as a restaurant guide. All I want to know is: Is it clean, quiet, and above all, have good food FOR THE PRICE.

Good luck finding that out on Yelp. Instead, you get zillions of reviews by people concerned about how the waitress didn't smile at them, or took 1 second too long, or how they wanted the cook to whip them up some off menu item that was gluten free and vegan, or they sat at a booth that was too cold, or blah, blah, blah.

What about the food? Oh yeah, if they actually mention that, its usually some uber-critical prick who's upset because Uncle Chen's Average Chinese Restaurant didn't measure up to the $60 Peking Duck they got in Hong Kong, or that Guido's Spaghetti House didn't use enough oregano and served it 2.5 degrees hotter then the best serving temperature.


rcocean said...

What Trooper says is right. You always have to realize is that places like Yelp draw a lot of cranks, losers, and oddballs, who enjoy their little bit of power to criticize someone.

There's no different then the Jerk in the $500 suit at Stabucks who orders the barista around the makes impossible demands ( give me a latte that 1/3 decaf with a smidgen of nutmeg, and instead of this, give me that, and oh I'm in a hurry so do it right away or I'll complain)

MamaM said...

:I think they like me because...:

I'm guessing it may have more to with being real, interested and willing to laugh. But it could be the truck.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

He should declare himself Wiccan and that is his religious familiar. Then the hippsters can't fuck with you.