Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Making a Clean Breast of the Situation!


I quit my job to breastfeed my boyfriend every two hours




A mom is breastfeeding her boyfriend — 20 years after having children.
Jennifer Mulford took time off from her job as a bartender to induce breastfeeding because she wants to start an adult breastfeeding relationship (ABR) with her boyfriend who preferred to remain anonymous as he is collecting government benefits.
Because she has not given birth to a baby recently, needed to “dry feed” every two hours to fool her body into thinking she is feeding a child so she starts producing milk.

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Jennifer was single when she stumbled across a website about ABR.
She said: “When I read about the bond breastfeeding could create between two people, I was envious.
“I have always enjoyed my breasts being touched during sex more than anything else, so I knew I would enjoy it.”
Jennifer, from Atlanta, started searching for men who would be open to the idea of adult breastfeeding.
“When I read about the pure joy it brought others, I was desperate to seek out a partner to share an emotional bond with.
“I used dating sites, put messages on ABR forums and even put an advert on Craigslist, but I drew a blank. I started to think I’d never get to try adult breastfeeding.”
Finally, she started chatting online about the idea one night with an old friend she had corresponded with since first meeting him on various blogs that they both followed.
“We were talking and my old friend that I met posting on the internet told me he had a thing for big-breasted women, and that size had always been a factor in his relationships."
“I thought it was the perfect time to bring up adult breastfeeding — and see if he’d be interested,” said Jennifer.
Thankfully, he was instantly open to the idea: “It was like a light switch flicked in his head. I could tell from his voice that he was curious and excited. He sent me his resume and said he would be willing to move back up from Florida.”
He started doing his own research into ABR and they soon became more than just friends.
She said: “At that moment I knew that I had a partner for life."
“We both wanted the same thing out of the relationship — a magical bond that only breastfeeding can achieve.”
Because Jennifer hadn’t breastfed for over 20 years, she had no milk to feed her hungry partner who had to be happy with Carnation and fried plantains until she begins to lacate .
The couple need to induce lactation by dry-feeding and pumping her breasts every two hours, just as if she was feeding a baby. We will continue to follow the story to keep you abreast of the situation.

24 comments:

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

Since she is a bartender, she can also make him White Russians and stuff too.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

The Dude Abides

Leland said...

I suspect he swallows.

MamaM said...

Perhaps the "brain-cell builder taurine", found in high concentration in breast milk, will assist with his development.

edutcher said...

Hopefully, she is getting something worthwhile in return.

But I suspect a vibrator would be a better relationship.

Sydney said...

Refreakinridiculous

ricpic said...

Ain't love great?

Chip Ahoy said...

Why does she want her tits tricked?

Did I tell you about the time my balls swelled up? 100% true. Don't be grossed out. This is a tale of pleasant biological interest. There I was already fairly ill from pneumonia and from that other degradations that followed in series. Ridiculous things that each force another HIV test until I cry out KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY, I was sitting there and balls swelled alarmingly so I called the doctor who told me to come but I couldn't put my pants on. My balls were too big to pull up my pants. So the doctor came to my hose to look at amazing gigantic elephantine balls and he goes, HOLY SHIT! What'd yo do? And i go, nu-u-u-u-u-thin.

He's poking around my gigantic inflated ballsack and determines something in there is pinched or twisted in there. And I'm all, come o-o-o-o-o-o-on. And the other thing is perhaps some kind of sick set up in your balls. I'll give you these sugar pills, I mean sickness kill pills and see if that helps and if it doesn't then surgery to untwist your tubes in there. And I go okay.

He leaves and I call all my friends to come over here right now and check out my gigantic balls before they shrink back to normal so they can have this amazing testicle related occurrence burned into their memory and become a chapter in their own repertoire of bizarre personal tales of mythic proportions. Everyone simply must see my balls. I called everyone, my family, my neighbors, landlord, all my friends, come gather, see my gigantic balls. For FREE! Not even any admission.

But few took up the offer. And boy did they get a sight.

So many bizarre and painful things happened during that period that must be set aside from one's mind that I honestly forget how things worked out exactly. I think I took some new pills for awhile, it subsided, the pain, the fear, the excitement, the thrill of having fairground sideshow sized balls all subsided over a period of days and my pants fit once again. It was just one vicious thing after another. Broken bones resulting from accidents by learning new limitations the hard way in front of and behind this elephantiasis testicle incident. Of all similar incidents that's among the most fun. You got to get something out of it.

Trooper York said...

I always knew you had big balls Chip.

Nobody could cook like you without them.

Chip Ahoy said...

Looking back now, that really was odd, no matter how hard I sold it, and I recall pouring it on, "I could die you know then you'd go *high pitch girly voice* 'he even called me to look at his gigantic balls before they shrank back to normal but I put him off. And now he's gone!" It still didn't work. Like everyones is too busy with laundry and doing the dishes and getting the dog from the vet to bother with an incredible once-in-a-lifetime sight to behold. Too busy for that.

Chip Ahoy said...

It's coming back to me. Goddamnit. The whole thing is just a bummer. I am now seeing who showed up to check out my gigantic balls when that happened. I recall their amazement. The doctor DID take pictures with his blackberry. I am satisfied. The recollection is compete. Enough people saw my balls for the tale to live on. A few of them have such big mouths. I'm happy with all that now.

Rabel said...

Do not google image search "huge balls." Repeat - do not google image search "huge balls."

Chip Ahoy said...

Evi L. Bloggerlady, I saw your crunched cockroaches and I go ew ew ew ew ew ew
e--e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w, those are pretty nice shoes. It's like a shoe advertisement. And you know people with such fashionable taste as that are not crunching cockroaches. The whole shoe composition is very nice. It's a shoe advertisement, right? They're like Easter shoes.

ricpic said...

Big balls are unavoidable in a Turkish Bath. And you never recover from the sight. I used to be taken their when I was a pisher. Enormous horrible hairy men with big balls. And they ask me why I wake up screaming.

ricpic said...

there not their--OY!

ampersand said...

her boyfriend who preferred to remain anonymous as he is collecting government benefits.

But poses for a picture that eventually makes it onto the internet.

AllenS said...

Ok, let's get back to the topic at hand: breast feeding your boyfriend.

Boyfriend: "Would it be possible for you to sit in the refrigerator for a couple of hours?"

Girlfriend: "How would you like to be kicked in the balls until they swell up real bad?"

Well, I guess the two topics could be related.

Trooper York said...

Uh......amby I might have changed a few details to make it more funny.....so many to speak.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

Chip that image of bugs and shoes is from Starship Troopers, so the credit goes to Paul Verhoeven and his team.

The shoes were cool.

Most Hillary supporters would never wear shoes that cool...don't work with the cankles.

Methadras said...

Titus to the white courtesy phone... Titus to the... Oh wait, he got it already.

Methadras said...

I'm not sure how I feel about this to be honest. On one hand they are a hetero couple engaging in a monogamous relationship that involved boobies. The weird idea is that she quit her job to feed this guy from her boobs every two hours. How do these people make money? Also, this appears to be fairly deviant, but oddly not. I'm missing something here. It's just not registering with me quite fully.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

The weird idea is that she quit her job to feed this guy from her boobs every two hours. How do these people make money?

I fear we (as a society) are subsidizing this: Fundamentally Transformed

Trooper York said...

What you are missing is that this is obviously bullshit. This bitch wanted her five minutes and she got it by being a moron in the NY Post.

Methadras said...

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

The weird idea is that she quit her job to feed this guy from her boobs every two hours. How do these people make money?

I fear we (as a society) are subsidizing this: Fundamentally Transformed


Evi, i think you might be right, but I can't wrap my head around how the government sanctions this as subsidy. Under what pretense? I suppose in the Obama era of fuck you america anything can be used as an excuse to confer victim status for subsidization.


Trooper York said...

What you are missing is that this is obviously bullshit. This bitch wanted her five minutes and she got it by being a moron in the NY Post.


Troop, is that it? This is a phony bullshit story and she's just milking media time? I realize it will go nowhere because it's one of those bizarro novelty stories, but there is just something more odd about it that I can't put my finger on.