Sunday, March 6, 2016

Who says I have small hands?



It is the consensus of most historians that Andrew Jackson had the hardest Presidential Penis in the history of the United States. President Jackson was well known as extremely virile heterosexual and surrounded himself with a cabinet of noted swordsman. His secretary of War John H Eaton had a memorable affair where he seduced the most beautiful woman in Washington who was married to another man. Eaton was famous for the length and girth of his erection and this was the reason he was able to win the lovely Peggy. Jackson’s first Vice President John C. Calhoun was known far as wide as being a complete dick. But the hardest person in the administration was in fact President Jackson who had the nickname of Old Hickory which was a corruption of his Cherokee name of Old Hickory Dick due to the swath he cut among the virgin tribal woman during his many campaigns in the frontier. He would often pound nails with his penis at his estate in the Hermitage to intimidate his political opponents.
(The Long and the Short of It, Presidential Penises by Doris Kearns Goodwin, St. Martins Press).

7 comments:

chickelit said...

Horses are measured in hands. Go ask Catherine.

The Dude said...

That's just great...

windbag said...

Explains the cock fighting at the White House during his administration.

Chip Ahoy said...

In The autumn of 1795 George WAshington sat for the noted portraitist Charles Willson Peale and his 17-year-old son Rembrandt, then just beginning his career as an artist. Also present were two other sons, Raphaelle and Titian, and Charles's brother James. Gilbert Stuart described the scene: "I looked in to see how the old gentleman was getting on with the picture, and to my astonishment, I found the general surrounded by the whole family. They were peeling him, Sir." Two decades later, Andrew Jackson could say that he, too had been "peeled."

Peele is getting impatient waiting for Jackson to arrive in Washington. He writes that that he intends to return. He throws a bit of a fit.

… The general (Jackson this time) made a dramatic entrance into the city on January 22 , just as Congress commenced an investigation of his conduct of the Seminole War. He agreed to sit to beginning on the morning of January 24, after breakfast. "I have begun a portrait today of Gen. Jackson Y he will give me another sitting at Sunrise tomorrow morning…" On January 27, Peale wrote to Raphaelle that he was nearly done: "Tomorrow morning I shall put the fisish to Gen'l Jackson's portrait. Having given notice in the papers that my portraits may be seen for a short time previous to their removal to the Museum, I have them in a separate room from my painting room, so that I shall not be interrupted while I am retouching .. a good portrait of Jackson will be important to the museum.

Tennessee Historical Quarterly

William said...

Jackson had the bad luck to live just as the daguerreotype was being introduced. You could have your picture taken by this method, but there was no possibility of flattering lighting or capturing a softened expression. Jackson looks like a crazy old coot in the photo I have seen, and perhaps he was........His victory at New Orleans was due more to the blunder of the English general than to any great tactical prowess on Jackson's part.

chickelit said...

I forget, is Bill Clinton right or left "handed"

Peyronic isn't it?

ampersand said...

Hillary has a formidible penis. Batteries weren't included.