"Now, since there is not an hour left to [gather my tax papers to send to the accountant], so I send an email to Cassie:
I’m teaching you about about working with people, okay? You don’t work with Paul and he doesn’t take orders from you. So it’s insubordinate that you emailed him. I don’t care, and I don’t think he does either, but I think you have no idea that this is jarringly awful office politics that you exhibit here. I think it’s why people hate working with you.
And Cassie writes back:
Paul and I have a system, which we created because you are so terrible at office politics. Everytime you send him directions to change something he calls or emails me to find out what you are talking about. You give him such vague instructions that he has no idea what to do.
Stressing over whether I am incompetent at management takes the rest of my hour.
...On the drive home I don’t even pretend I’m going to do taxes because good time managers are realists. So I read my articles from my folder of articles to read later. One is about the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shar. The research in his book says we would be happier by doing these things:
-Create rituals around the things we love to do.
-Express gratitude for the good things in our lives.
-Set meaningful goals that reflect our values and interests.
-Play to our strengths instead of dwelling on weaknesses.
-Simplify our lives — not just the stuff, but the time.
And then I realize: The way for me to be better than my parents isn’t to do my taxes on time. That would be nice. But really I need to not give myself choices about how I spend my time. The more choices I have throughout the day, the more decisions I make, the more willpower I need, the more I get distracted from paying attention to the building blocks of a fulfilling life: gratitude, meaning, and ritual. [my emphases]
Being productive means simplifying how you use your time. Which in turn, simplifies your life."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are thought-provoking suggestions for a master procrastinator such as I.
What does "simplify our lives — not just the stuff, but the time" mean to you? I'm thinking along the lines of sticking with a structured day. Instead of getting carried away watching several episodes of a favorite show, stop at two. Instead of spending three days in a row making quilt top, restrain yourself to one three-hour stretch per day. How else will housework, gardening, and birthday card sending be accomplished?
I like, "create rituals around the things we love to do." That puts me in mind of the first cup of coffee looking out the kitchen window or making bath time special with a creamy scented soap and a cup of tea. It puts me in mind of Hilda.
Any thoughts, insights, or suggestions on the five tips?
17 comments:
Robin Williams doesn't worry about this sort of thing.
Deb- I think it is futile, for most of us, to wrestle with this advice stuff. Since very few of us figure out life until we are so old it doesn't matter much anymore.
There are exceptions - I think commenters like Chip Ahoy, Bago and a few others have it licked.
Or what Eric said.
What does "simplify our lives — not just the stuff, but the time" mean to you?
I don't know exactly. I get up every day and think about....what do I have to do today? want to do? need to do whether I want to or not? I usually have a project of some sort or two or three going on and carve out some time in between the structured everyday things that are time sensitive like banking and mailing.
For instance. Today's regular things are make breakfast and clean up. Go to the office, across the driveway and do some bookwork and prepare the mail. At 12noon go to the post office, banks. Plan something for dinner and go to the store if necessary. Do more bookwork. Knit (if it wasn't so hot).
Today's special project, because ripe plums won't wait it falls under need to do whether or not, is to make Santa Rosa Plum jam. I'm multi tasking right now, by stewing the plums and going to let them cool, while do my grocery shopping.
I think simplifying my time also means, I can say NO to tasks that other people ask me to do without feeling bad, like I used to. I bundle tasks and trips together to save extra running around. I only do those things that are necessary or that I WANT to do. AND....make time for doing nothing. Reading a chapter in a book on the deck and watch the hummingbird wars. Take a nap in the afternoon. I'm grateful for those small things every single day.
I am self employed. I want a new boss.
The boss wants a new employee.
The employee wants to form a union.
The union wants to go on strike against management.
Management got fed up with the whole thing, shut down the business and took a nap.
Naps fix most work issues.
You could not only sip your coffee while looking out the window, when you get close to the bottom of the cup you could throw the remaining coffee at the window and wipe it off with a paper towel, thereby creating either A) a clean window, or B) a dirty window with an intriguing streaky pattern to contemplate.
Is being "happier" what life is about?
I think not. Back to Chickelit's (and those who've gone before him) bucket-to-be-filled/fire-to-be-lit question.
Which leads to this: "Tips, tricks and techniques are not at the heart of education - fire is. I mean finding light in the darkness, staying warm in the cold world, avoiding being burned if you can, and knowing what brings healing if you can cannot. That is the knowledge that our students really want, and that is the knowledge we owe them. Not merely the facts, not merely the theories, but a deep knowing of what it means to kindle the gift of life in ourselves, in others, and in the world" (from The Courage to Teach, Parker Palmer)
Thank you very much DBQ. You have been a role model for me for quite a while.
lol Sixty, you could have avoided all this trouble by giving yourself a raise.
Ricpic, instead I could throw it at watercolor paper, let it dry along with coffee grounds from the bottom of the cup, and it would texture the watercolor paintings I have wanted to do.
Here's a book I have about various watercolor techniques:
book
AJ :)
I think my mother was fairly representative of her generation (she was born in 1905), and I think they had it figured out pretty well. She had a set schedule for her week: Monday was wash day, Tuesday was ironing day, Wednesday was go to town to do shopping day, Thursday was general housecleaning day, and Friday was change the sheets on all the beds day. Chores took longer then, of course, because when the routine began there were only washtubs with hand-cranked wringers, no clothes dryers but hanging on the line and in bad weather a day or two of drying in the house, etc. And then there was making a full dinner each day.
So, there wasn't a lot of time left over to engage in hobbies. Oh, and listening to the radio while doing stuff was a lot less intrusive than watching TV.
Still, it might work to set up a comparable schedule in today's world.
Hilda is a figment of someone's imagination, representing an illusion held in the mind, which is the same place a bath with creamy scented soap and tea resides as a vision of loveliness.
All of this hinges on the answers to the two basic questions present in DBQ's thought process:
What do I need? What do I want?
Which track back to the an old story about the beginnings of life and choice in a book known as Genesis with a side note added about kindling a fire in another old book, known as Acts.
From genesis to acts, living is mostly about knowing what we need and want, along with how to give and receive light.
I discovered the well-known non-secrets to happiness.
1) Don't ever take advice about happiness from anybody. From any book, from any person. Do not accept their recommendations about how to live your life. They are them, and you are you. I'm not advising this. I'm telling you a non-secret I discovered. See?
Especially schedules. Good grief. Let the dishes go. Let them pile up. There is no rule that says you must live decently. Clean the bathroom when you feel like it, not because it is Tuesday. You'll make yourself slave to your own schedule. <-- advice you can easily ignore. Because that's me, not you.
2) Stop thinking about how to make yourself happy and start thinking about how to bring a spark of happiness, a trace of satisfaction, a flicker of recognition to other people. And keep doing that.
A side result of that, but this is not the point, your effort will be returned.
I noticed that by the 100 dollars people recently gave me for doing things I'd do anyway. I was not expecting that. It happened three times just recently. Again, it was not the point. It kind of ruins it, and it kind of validates it at the same time. <-- advice easily ignored. Maybe you're happiest dwelling on your own happiness. Who knows? I'm the last to know.
3) Make yourself a bowl of slurry out of flour and water and set it outside for a few days. Say a cup or so of thin flour sludge.
Bring it in and give it a little more fresh water and enough flour to create a wad of dough.
Put it under a warm lamp for 24 hours. Not to exceed 95℉.
This is a sourdough culture from the specific place where you live, and it's alive!!1!111!11
That right there makes you happy and filled with glee. Just seeing that is impressive. Happy as can be. So well chuffed that life is all around you. That life is in the air. That you breath it.
I'm totally cereal.
Then that wad can be used as regular yeast is used to inoculate regular dough. Without heat it will take longer to develop.
If you do this in winter then your culture will be cold-anured and room temperature will seem like heat to it.
Fermentation of a few days will increase the sourdough flavor. Depending on how it reacts at room temperature, it might require cool fermentation period of a few days, then heat to reactivate.
It will be the most amazing bread that you ever ate in your life. Doubly so, triply so, quadruply so because you pulled it out of the air and made something extraordinary -- actually not extraordinary at all, this is how things were done throughout history -- for the full history of wheat cultivation until just recently before you were born. You will reconnect with history and that makes you happy. <-- ignore this. I frankly don't know what I'm talking about, but here I am banging on anyway.
Like I said, don't take advice from anybody about how to be happy. It's far too personal a thing.
Drugs also help.
A woman I know took happiness drugs prescribed by her psychologist. She was missing an arm and the opposite leg. An attractive young woman even with the mechanical bits. When I hurt myself by running a pallet jack over my toe she laughed her ass off. She is a cruel young woman that way. She went around loving everybody all the time during her happiness drug period. Weird.
I'm appreciating the link to the American Artist's book on the 40 Watercolorists and How They Work. For $.01 I decided I wanted to take a closer look and ordered up a mailbox surprise.
In return for this favor, I offer up an additional 41st way of working/painting with watercolor called, Painting Your Way Out of a Corner:The Art of Getting Unstuck which was mentioned over on Chip A's improv/Adventure Time thread.
I've been too busy lately to do this, but one of my favorite rituals was after work or dog adoption on a Friday or Saturday night, to stop at the grocery for a bottle of wine and some food to prepare at home and some dog treats, smile and joke with the check-out person, come home and roll around on the floor with my dogs, take them for a long walk, then make some food with a glass of wine and read this blog and comment in between switching my attention between reading stuff online, watching TV, listening to the radio, playing guitar and staring at the stars. I started it back at TOP, and later continued it here. Pure bliss, as I stuffed myself with food, drink, love, information, and entertainment like a sinkhole in the center of my universe.
Just one step: gratitude = happiness.
All good things come from gratitude.
Good grief. Let the dishes go. Let them pile up
Oh yes. Who cares if the dishes pile up for a while. Not forever, but do it when it is convenient.
Tonight, after canning 11 half pints of plum jam and freezing a quart of plum juice, I said...screw it...We are sitting on the deck. Staring at the river below. Petting the cat. And I'm making a complicated dinner of tuna sandwiches, fruit and chips.
So what if my tee shirt is spattered with purple and so are my toes and a good portion of the counter top? [I'm a pretty sloppy cook ] It will clean up later. It wasn't what I "wanted" to do today, but it was what I HAD to do or else let the fruit rot. So... a job well done, [if I do say so myself /pat pat pat] That is number three. "Set meaningful goals that reflect our values. "
As for gratitude. I am grateful every day, for my life. The littlest things are the most important in the long run.
Thanks gang, some great suggestions and a lot to think about :)
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