Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Astromoths, pop-up card

The true story of NASA's first astronauts told over three pages in pop-up card form. It is a little known fact the first U.S. astronauts were moths. Their ill-fated mission did not go very far.





It's a joke.

A joke!

The dummkopf I gave this card to did not get the joke, and that flat pisses me off.

It had to be explained to him, and then of course, it isn't funny.

They're moths! They do what moths do. Go to the light. Never mind it means disaster, moths are not that smart. They cannot be trusted for anything so serious as a space exploration. They're too easily distracted by lights. That is the joke. Damnit, I hate having to explain simple things like this. Why else would I make them moths? Why else would I bother drawing a hundred tiny lightbulbs? Think, man, think!

It's enough to make you give up trying. That was a lot of work and the guy goes, "Duh."

See? Acme f'n light bulbs.


And the thing that just burns my hide is this guy is now flying around first class and taking cruises all over the place visiting foreign countries, seeing country after country after country, visiting building after building after building, park after park, walking street upon street, having drinks served to him, meals served to him week after week after week, month in and month out, and learns nothing at all worthwhile and cannot even see a joke that a child sees when it is spelled out to him. 

After telling me one of his tour guides extolled the virtues of socialism, and that the only people who vote against new socialist initiatives (new taxes) are the new immigrants, apparently too thick to understand how glorious socialism and high taxation is, who have so much of the advantages of the new programs, and then going on to describe a building  he visited in St. Petersburg, I asked him, "Did the guide explain they are discussing reverting back to the name Leningrad, and why?" 

"No."

Did your guide explain why the building you were touring is fitted with onion top roofs?

"No."

Do you know why they use onion top roofs? 

"No."

They all have fine properties here in the U.S. that can hold anyone's attention forever. They all live in states with outstanding outdoor sights, attractions, and activities to avail them, but instead spend fortunes, and I mean fortunes, on luxurious travel and take side tours besides while there, and manage to avoid learning anything at all worthwhile. Watch news and still do not know what goes on in the world, and why. And still cannot see a plain simple joke.

I give up.

23 comments:

Synova said...

My soul bleeds for you.

Synova said...

Also, I got a great picture of a moth that was on the screen last night. It was four inches across when its wings were spread.

I can't get it off my phone, though, because my desktop is kaput.

Bleach Drinkers Curing Coronavirus Together said...

Hmmm… This is kind of like a less pre-pubescent version of the illustrations in Superbad.

rcocean said...

Yes, they say youth is wasted on the young, but wealth and travel are often wasted on the stupid.

I've known older people who have spent their retirement years traveling and - from listening to them - it mostly consisted of how they ate a great meal in country XYZ and got bad service in country ABC.


KCFleming said...

Chip, you're my hero.
Great card, too.

The dope's lack of humor and untrammeled naïveté despite world travel could be considered a cosmic joke.

Bleach Drinkers Curing Coronavirus Together said...

It is a little known fact the first U.S. astronauts were moths.

If a joke contains a little-known fact it's probably best to explain that part in detail first. Putting moths in spacesuits is so fanciful and outlandish (not bad) that a great deal of explanation of that part's probably required to make any joke from it work well. It's called foreshadowing.

Also, would you get pissed off if he asked where are there light bulbs in the atmosphere or space? Lol.

Bleach Drinkers Curing Coronavirus Together said...

People that are rich enough can pay other people to know things for them.

Is there a point at which an understanding of something symbolic about onion domes became a shibboleth of edification? I'd guess that if he were open enough to the knowledge deemed interesting by the tour guide then that says enough. Tour guides, after all, are usually the ones most likely to be knowledgeable about what's important or interesting to know about the sites they're showcasing - and they usually have to be somewhat arbitrarily selective any way about what they have time to describe anyway.

Or he could have just been passing along what he'd heard, without a need to judge its use. No harm in that.

Synova said...

Geeze... drinking early Ritmo?

Bleach Drinkers Curing Coronavirus Together said...

I don't like to drink, but feel free to point out what I said that was incoherent. Unless the post itself wasn't meant to be taken in any serious way. (Sometimes it's hard to tell).

But I will be having an insanely juicy hamburger soon, though. Probably with even braised or wild boar bacon. And a rich Birch Beer soda to wash it down.

Chip Ahoy said...

The rocket didn't even make it to the stratosphere, it turned right around and crashed. Ha ha ha, I'm hilarious.

The thing about the tour guides, is why is he bothering explaining the virtues of socialism? Jesus Christ, you cannot even take a tour to a socialist county without propaganda being shoved in your face and your ears. We get it, you like taking other peoples' money and spending it on social things. You have more faith in your political class than they deserve. They're living the high life at your expense, and you're explaining it all to capitalists too stupid to get a fucking joke but rich as your own politicians.

I'll admit there is much to be said for socialism. Spotlessly clean cities, three year pregnancy leave, and the like, but that is possible for countries rich on deep sea drilling. Those are oil countries. The communist countries are a whole 'nuther matter, gray and bleak and busted as all hell.

I look through my friends i-phones where they have their travel pictures; window view from first class, the tray of food in first class, the deck, the cobblestone sidewalks, curb, a railing, building, building, building, building, building.

I ask about their trip. I'm interested in the new things they learned but I'm given the logistics of travel. The bags that did not make the connection. The train here, the plane there, the lines here, the rude Asians, there, the food here and here and here and here and here, and here and here, food they can have anywhere at all. They travel for the sake of travel with no time spent in any one place to absorb the way of life nor pick up anything meaningful, not a language, not a phrase, and from the point of view of an AF brat that does not compute.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

"How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception."

-- Alfred de Musset

KCFleming said...

The Mothman Prophecies was a strange movie. He seemed attracted to car lights.

MamaM said...

I hold with the burning candle theory, with domes as flames, designed to draw in those seeking light.

As for giving up, perseverance via cards or other mechanisms invites insight if not change. While enlightenment for moths involves too much too soon encounters, the process for human seems to depend more on whatever pops up along the way.

Bleach Drinkers Curing Coronavirus Together said...

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Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

I love the card. I think it's great.

Rabel said...

Speaking of bugs, there seems to be something worrisome going on.

I do not have roaches - inside the house. I do have lots of big bad meanies just outside and always looking to get in.

Today I saw (and killed) two adults who had found a way in. No big deal, happens every week or two in the summer.

Here's the problem - they were both flyers. That's right, FLYING FUCKING COCKROACHES.

It's worse. The first one merely took a glide path downward from the top of the curtains. Seen that before.

But the second one - he elevated. While I was chasing him with a shoe he flew from the floor upward and onto my bed! It wasn't a jump, he flew. He even hovered for a second.

He (or she) is very, very dead now and no longer a threat. You must defend your inner sanctum and this guy was going down if I had to set the room on fire. But, they're not supposed to be able to fly like the fucking eagles, it ain't right.

I am concerned about the trend...

Michael Haz said...

Moth? I believe the correct pronunciation is "mith", according to Inspector Clouseau.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

I think we should all chip in and buy Rabel a badminton racket.

virgil xenophon said...

@Rabel

Where do you live? In New Orleans the Giant ones are ALL flyers and we have "Mucho beaucoup." Wait until they head straight for your mouth as startled ones seem to do! (They also seem to use the numerous banana trees as condos)

virgil xenophon said...

@Hazman/

"muith"

Unknown said...

So the Moth astronauts don't make it because they crash into a light bulb? lol. That is unusually clever.

Chip Ahoy said...

When we moved to Japan and lived off base before onbase housing became available, our neighbors moved and their cockroaches spread out.

They do fly.

I caught one and drew a giant cockroach in black crayon onto a white dinner plate.

Don't ask why. I never had reasons why. That just flat pissed off my dad. My never having a reason pissed him off. Shirley, I could have used paper, no?

Mum hung up the plate.

With those plate-hanging thingies.

It's ART ! See? Now that there's what you call support! We had that cockroach plate for a long time.

deborah said...

Love the uniforms with four sleeves.

You could have have them landing a LEM on a light bulb with smoke coming out of the LEM.