Sunday, January 12, 2014

"There’s a Man Sexually Harassing Women With Swiss Cheese in Philadelphia"

"The Philadelphia Daily News reports that there is "a heavyset white man estimated to be in his late 40s or early 50s" driving around the town of Mayfair and occasionally pulling over to expose himself to women. The thing that makes him slightly different from other perverts is that he "displays a piece of sliced Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it."

"As if that's not enough, Gabby Chest, who lives in the area and spoke to the Daily News, said that she was sure that the person she called the "Swiss Cheese Pervert" had contacted her on OKCupid: "He said he was looking for someone to perform masturbation on him with cheese. He kept saying how strong his urges were and how desperate he was to find someone to help him with them," she explained. She also forwarded the paper a message from the guy, who creepily wrote about "[Comparing] girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic]."

Via "I understand that people may think this is funny, but this is no laughing matter."

13 comments:

john said...

Why not Philadelphia cream cheese?

john said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chickelit said...

The perv's alibi has holes in it.

I'm Full of Soup said...

Maybe Ritmo has found another ugly pastime beside commenting here?

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

This story stinks to high heaven.

edutcher said...

Everybody needs a hobby.

PS Mayfair is a neighborhood in NE Philadelphia, not technically a town.

William said...

How is it possible to develop a fetish like that? Physicists claim that the universe is weirder than we can possibly imagine. Ditto for the human libido.

Michael Haz said...

Her name is Gabby Chest??

Ignorance is Bliss said...


Swiss cheese? And this guy's supposedly from Philly?

Everybody know you use provolone on your cheesesteak.

edutcher said...

No, 'Murcan.

Amartel said...

The holes in swiss cheese are not that big. Just sayin' (as someone else around is wont to just say).

Trooper York said...

Hey has anyone heard from AJ Lynch?

Just asking?

Trooper York said...

Wait a minute.

Wasn't Bissage from Philly?

That would explain a lot.