Everyday somebody looks at snail crackers specifically asking for snail crackers.
I only made them once. They are a pain in the butt. Each one cut and rolled like a croissant. Not worth it.
Otherwise, crackers are the easiest thing in the world. Stunningly easy. They must be the original baked wheat food; wheat sludge smeared on a rock and placed onto smoldering coals is easy to imagine.
Crackers are flour of any kind with fat of any kind and water, rolled thin and baked.
Cheese crackers are my favorite. Cheese is the fat. So one cup flour, a bunch of remnant cheese bits about 1/3 cup whirred in the processor, water dropped in about 1/4 cup or less so it pulls into a ball.
Wet dough is easier to roll thin than stiff dough.
Kids would dig doing this.
A friend said, "Nobody likes Cheez-It crackers."
Nonplussed, I never have managed to regard that man the same since.
You can make them as hot as you like in whatever chile flavor you prefer.
One time I became artistic and made designer crackers by depositing various spices in a row to create variety in colors and flavors. I loved them, but I would not serve them nor even offer them except on a dare, too weird, too unpredictable, not altogether pleasant.
I like to roll out the dough on a Silpat then trim to its size for convenient handling and perfect sizing for the baking tray. All extra bits back into the processor. Scored with a bench scraper at angles in variance to the spice powder color bars. So you never know which combination of spices you are going to have with each individual bite. Most disconcerting. I like it but I doubt everyone will.
I think the most famous crackers of all are black bean crackers.
Shortening will make them more tender. Baking powder will make them more airy. If you fail to dock them they tend to puff by steam to form tiny pillows. Wheat flour is an excellent adhesive, including it with any other bean powder or grain powder will aid manageability.
Things like sun dried tomatoes chopped finely made into olive oil crackers are something quite incredible. This was someone else's idea, so I made them for her and blew her mind.
I have some twenty posts for crackers and they all say pretty much the same thing.
39 comments:
A friend said, "Nobody likes Cheez-It crackers." Nonplussed, I never have managed to regard that man the same since.
Chip, you do know how to turn a phrase. :)
Yes, boffo on the "Nonplussed" comment, Chip! lol. My Dad got me eating Cheez-it crackers and I've craved them in all their addictive glory all my life!
Signed: The 900lb cheeze-colored man..
I'm hungry. I want crackers for breakfast.
I'd never trust a person who doesn't like Cheeze-It crackers. The peanut butter stuffed cheese crackers one buys at gas stations are the best driving snack, right up there with beef jerky.
@Haz-man/
"I'd never trust a person who doesn't like cheeze-it crackers."
Yes, another personal motto to add to my "I'd never trust some-one who doesn't like bars"--sort of thing, lol.
Don't let Crack know that you like the crackers.
I think there used to be an electric countertop appliance called a cracker box or a cracker safe or something like that.
I think maybe it was from back in the 30s or 40s or so to keep Saltine crackers fom going all moooshy on you. Maybe you mailed in 10 box tops and 25 cents to Nabisco and they'd send you one.
Did they have some cutesy mascot? Cracker Man?
God, I sure hope not.
And now, completely saturated with curiosity, off I go . . .TO TEH GOOGLEZ!!!!!!!!!!
My brain fucking sucks. See what I mean?
Anyway, there is something out there called a drying cabinet, so there!
Chip sure cranks out them crackers. Are you from Cranks Kentucky.
You are what you eat.
Ohhhh. I love cheez-its. The regular recipe. Not that low fat low salt crap. It is a nostagia food too for me. I remember riding in the back of our 1958 Ford Wagon playing games with my brother, eating cheez-its and drinking Squirt.
When I think about this the smell and taste comes back. Salty cheesy crackers and the grapefruity Squirt which still had fruit pulp in it at that time. We were so free then. We could lounge around on blankets and pillows, play games, sleep, snack and even tease and fight with each other (no seat belts, not strapped in like mental patients) while our parents listened to AM radio and drove us across the desert on Route 66. There was no concern that we were eating the wrong things and the government wasn't trying to tell us what to do every freaking minute.
Cheez-its represent FREEDOM.
Cheez-its represent FREEDOM
So the approximately two gallon jug I have of them on our kitchen counter top, always, is okay then :)
That does look fun and easy. Do the spices in the variety crackers compliment each other in some way or other? Better question, what are the spices in the variety crackers?
@DBQ/
God Yes! I'd forgotten about the time when Squirt had the pulp in it. I luuved that drink as a child!
PS: Sort of like they took the "bite" out of the original 50s Orange Crush and made it almost tastelessly bland. Remember its dark redish-brown Michelin-man-type ribbed bottles?
The spices in the variety are my entire spice cabinet brought out and tried. I do not recommend doing that.
It seemed like the sort of thing Japanese would do so I tried it. It's an unnecessary pain in the butt getting clean bands.
I have one of those Saltine tins. A box fits in perfectly but I use it for flour.
DBQ/
To see a pic of the brown-ribbed bottle go to www.angelfire.com/tn/traderz/crush.html
It's at lower left-hand corner.
Squirt?
Why don't you switch to Squirt
Switch to Squirt
Switch to Squirt
The one soft drink
Without an af ter taste?
I still hear that jingle. I had forgotten about the pulp!
Cheeze-it's and Squirt will be on the shopping list today.
Cheez-Its were the only thing my Belgian sheepdog could catch. She's such a dunce at catching but anti-aerodynamics made it possible. All three females, the same deal.
Then, a male Belgian wouldn't touch them. Just sniffed them and rejected them as non-food. Even when I placed one between his teeth and gently smashed his muzzle, he just let it drop out of his mouth. He rejected everything. Every fine thing dogs like. It had to be proper dog food. Until the day he busted his move on the Thanksgiving turkey leg. Brilliant! What a set up. All that food-rejection preceding it, then at the holiday table I cut off the turkey leg set it to the side, a black blur, the leg is gone, the dog on the far side of the room with a turkey leg in his mouth.
Score!
Everyone chased him all over the house, but I just stood there in admiration. That leg is his.
Betcha can't eat just one!
God Yes! I'd forgotten about the time when Squirt had the pulp in it. I luuved that drink as a child!
I know. The pulp in the bottom was a treat. So good. You know what is almost similar, but not as good of course? ....Safeway Grapefruit Soda The diet version is good too. And HOLY CRAP is it cheap. I can't imagine how they can make it so inexpensive. We buy it by the 12 pack for $3 to $4!!!
Chip's post has inspired me. We have some smoked gouda cheese that would probably be really good as a cracker base. Some sea salt and cracked pepper sprinkled on top might be good.
Thanks, Chip. It occurs to me that this would be a good wow food to bring. Wow, you made these?
Chip's posts make me hungry.
This is amazing, Chip! How do you make something that's as mediocre as crackers seem interesting? Very impressive!
I wish I found atrociously boring things as interesting as Chip does. That would way I could make as much money as Nabisco. Chip must be a very wealthy man.
I think I have a new hero!
Cheez it's go best with ice cold Coca-cola.
Chip, can you make "Cheetos"?
Cheez-its go best with milk.
I've had homemade potato chips. They're in another dimension than ordinary potato chips. Who would even think that such a thing as homemade cheez-its were even possible, but the preparation doesn't look complicated......I think the attraction with crackers is the texture and not the taste. They, thus, are probably more attractive when stale than when they are fresh.
Cheez-It crackers are one of those foods that one cannot buy unless he is resigned to consuming the entire package.
Thanks for the crackers idea, Chip. I think we'll try that today. My sons always want to make things.
I wish I could remember who it was, on one of these comment threads, who told some story about some military guy who advised him, "Never pass on the opportunity to keep your mouth shut!!!"
I owe him or her a debt of gratitude.
I must be in the wrong thread. I heard that the Crack Emcee was all upset about crackers.
Carry on.
Sriracha sauce, coconut oil, and garlic salt is a home run.
Freeman: Photos? Recipe?
I used Chip's recipe. About a cup of flour, about a third cup of oil, and water until it balled up in the food processor. I didn't measure the sauce or the salt. I'm not a big measurer in cooking.
Fun for the four year old who got to dump all the ingredients into the food processor. (Except the water.)
Oddly, the sriracha crackers taste like spicy cheese crackers despite containing no cheese.
The cheese crackers we made tasted like nothing. Probably didn't have strong enough cheeses for the experiment.
Oh wow. I'm crazy about crackers. I'm cracker crazy.
And I just cracked myself up.
Great post. Hungry now.
Thanks to Mr. Ahoy and his cracker post, I now have an emergency box of Cheez-Its in my car, and several in the cabinet.
I will now be on the lookout for the appearance of Cheez-It pounds on my bathroom scale.
Darcy, I think you've cracked the cracker caper case.
I hope so, Michael! I want to try to make some crackers. I had no idea that they were simple (and I'm not really sure they are until I try...).
I just love anything crunchy and it would be so cool to be able to make homemade Cheez-Its and add whatever additional flavors I wanted. Garlic. Freem's idea of sriracha...yum!
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