In the mid-1990s I, and other psychiatrists, began to notice the following. An adult male, in a happy relationship, being seen for some non-romantic issue, might describe getting curious about porn on the burgeoning internet. Most sites bored him, but he soon noticed several that fascinated him to the point he was craving them. The more he used the porn, the more he wanted to.
Yet, though he craved it, he didn't like it (porn paradox 1). The cravings were so intense, he might feel them while thinking about his computer (paradox 2). The patient would also report that, far from getting more turned on by the idea of sex with his partner, he was less attracted to her (paradox 3). Through porn he acquired new sexual tastes.For the rest of the article click here.
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A romantic comedy, called Don Jon (2013) , now playing in theaters, is about the life of a young, middle class male who's addicted to pornography. The movie was written, directed and starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
A favorable review ...
If you can handle the porn, go see this movie, if for nothing else than to experience how very talented Joseph Gordon-Levitt truly is. September 28, 2013 Full Review Jeanne Kaplan, Kaplan vs. KaplanAn unfavorable review ...
Filled with frank conversation and gutter language, mysogynistic with misandry thrown in, it's probably not possible to make a tasteful movie about a subject as distasteful as masturbation, but this movie doesn't even try. September 28, 2013 Full Review Tony Medley Tolucan TimesIs this movie an introduction of porn into the mainstream? Or is the mainstream more porn than anything else?
Don Jon (2013) Trailer after the jump
Don Jon - Official Trailer #2 (2013)
27 comments:
Masturbation is already mainstream, so why not porn?
Doesn't the former Surgeon General run a masturbation school or something? I remember something like that.
Diet tip: give the dog more of your lunch when you divide it up.
My first action on reading this post was to do a google image search for Dr. Valerie Voon.
My brain sparkled only briefly.
I kept waiting for the wrong part of the picture to become obvious. I give up. What's wrong with the picture?
Before you answer, here's my guess. Rewards.
The guy found online what he really dug and now his girlfriend or wife or whatever isn't that interesting. Too bad she cannot go for it, investigate the thing that is interesting, sm, being fat, more active in some way.
True story. A darling secretary at work, very attractive young woman married an attractive young man with a lot going on, they bought one of my paintings, a bas relief,
wow, this is a bummer. I carved this twice. The first thing I sold. The second has two copies, so that's four. They are all titled "Hatshepsut" female pharaoh. That was before I had cameras, before I had internet sites. The secretary bought one and her husband allotted her 2,000 to redesign their living room. She designed it around her copy of Hatshepsut. That piece becoming the centerpiece for the people who owned them also happened to others, I was becoming used to the idea of my pieces carrying the weight of one's collection for the depth of its historic reference and for its actual weight. Except for one. One I gave to a friend, not bought, he begged for one and finally I gave him a copy whereupon he hung it on some stupid-ass wall that never gets seen.
eh
I thought that was the most famous image of that most famous female pharaoh. When I look it is not there. Except waaaaay down the list, there it is! Except they're calling her Nefertairi. And Nefertari is very different, she was a queen, not a pharaoh.
Oh well, my book said Hatshepsut so that's what I used. She looks Art Deco, that's why I like it so much. And now I know what the hieroglyphics mean. I didn't then.
Back to the couple. He wanted to try sm like he saw in the videos. Handcuffed her, both in their leather outfits. He cracked his whip for fun and she burst into tears and wrapped up the whole project. What a dud. I laughed my ass off when she told me.
Heck, Chip, (in the TMI department) all it took was a boyfriend holding me down in a playful manner *once* for me to know that... nope... not sexy.
The review on Big Hollywood was positive.
"Gordon-Levitt’s screenplay expertly shows just how crippling an addiction is, but balances the heavier side of the story with a smart blend of comedic moments. He creates a handful of interesting characters, both likable and annoying and what’s more is that Jon is a little of both. Jon is arrogant, egotistical and a womanizer, but even with all of those qualities, Gordon-Levitt adds a vulnerability to the character that people can relate to."
When I hear about a wife who left her husband because he wouldn't stop watching porn, all I can think is "he saved himself a lot of misery in the long run".
If your partner is demanding final approval over your *fantasy* life, you need to get them out of your REAL life as soon as possible.
I disagree, Rev.
If she's desperate for some attention and he's more interested in his fantasy life... he's not the one who's better off when she leaves.
How insulting is that? How do you keep feeling good about yourself when him wacking off to some pictures is better than being with you? (And you don't have to be fat or have "let yourself go" in order not to look like Scarlet Johanson.)
I sometimes hear the theory that watching porn is sexy because a person then turns to their partner to have fun sexy sex, but is that what usually happens?
Or is it more often that the partner is looking forward to some attention and well, porn watcher just shot his wad and he's done?
Instapundit linked to some dumb thing (like he tends to do) about a sex blog writer who's boyfriend was angry about her super amazing fancy primo vibrator machine (honest, you got the idea that this thing had to sit on the floor next to the bed.)
Yeah... because the message is that he's not satisfying enough. That given a choice maybe she'd prefer the orgasms she gets with her machine and that she couldn't go without it for a week or so while she was with him.
In that story, too, he was the one who was wrong.
Naked gun orgasm machine. Look quick, it's only 3 seconds.
@Synova,
...honest, you got the idea that this thing had to sit on the floor next to the bed.)
If it was Sybian, it does have to sit on the floor, next to the bed or not.
The way I'd see it, if she invest that much money (~$1500), she'd better be getting her money's worth somehow.
ORGCSM was the pseudo-op for GE-600 assember "origin of created symbols," embarrassing the presenter a little, in the 60s.
Sometimes in a macro expansion you need distinct names for locations, and this controlled what names they got.
This information will be useful again after the apocalypse.
A sign of where porn is at, or where it will be in the culture, will be when a "new" porn post at reddit makes it 'unreported' to their hot, front page.
I'm new to Reddit, so I don't know if the practice of people posting porn is new or not.
It seems like every time I'm there, scoping a potential post, a porn post pops up.
It occurred to me that if I report them, I may get some sort of a reputation.
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
I agree with Synova.
If you're more interested in the act of climax (through any means necessary) than having an actual intimate relationship with your spouse or significant other, then perhaps your shouldn't be in said relationship.
Or is it more often that the partner is looking forward to some attention and well, porn watcher just shot his wad and he's done?
It is more often "guy wants sex, woman doesn't, women gets angry when guy jerks off to porn and accuses him of 'cheating'". :)
If the guy would rather watch porn than have actual sex then sure, he's got something wrong with him. But that kind of "porn addiction" is largely a myth. I suspect that in the vast majority of cases the guy has just lost interest in sex with the particular woman he's married to.
Women lose interest in sex with the men they're married to all the time. Men are expected to put up with it quietly; nobody expects the wife to see a shrink to correct her lack of desire to put out for hubby.
Revenant,
If the man "porn addict" is largely a myth, then you must admit the idea of a married woman as a cold fish who loses all interest in sex is also largely a myth.
I regard porn the way I regard Bond movies. It would be cool to jump from a helicopter onto a moving train while wearing a tailored tux, but, in the normal course of events, that's not something I would attempt. Fun to watch, but should only be attempted by trained professionals. Sad to say, but if the wife catches you with the babysitter, she will probably not suggest a threesome.....How were they able to locate any men who were not addicted to porn? Probably some backwoods South American tribe without Internet connections were the control group.
The Top 10 Reasons Men Watch Porn:
1. He’s Bored...
2. To Get Off...
3. No One Else Was Available...
4. The Gym Is Closed...
5. He Thinks Porn Is Hilarious...
6. Dude Is Lazy...
7. It’s Easier Than the Real Thing...
8. Picking Up Some New Moves...
9. Jenna Jameson Naked...
10. The Acting. Ha-ha. No. This is never, ever the reason.
Read the whole thing. Pretty funny, but also a lot of truth there, I think.
The actual reason for porn is men are wired to obsess about sex.
Ejaculation produces a hormone flood that turns off the obsession.
So men are free of it for a while.
As Aristotle said about old age when the obsession is gone, it's like being unchained from a maniac.
Two things follow:
1. Withholding sex from your mate is not a good idea. He wants to get rid of an obsession for a while.
2. A mate also replaces porn.
The obsession makes no sense to men. It's just there, until they age out of it.
There's John Tierney's article on strip clubs, which exist for a slightly different reason, somewhere...
here.
I can access it and suppose anybody can, though I paid for access years ago and maybe anybody can't.
Synova@4:23pm/
"...the message is that he's not satisfying enough."
TOO funny TRUE story: Guy picks up gal at bar and they repair to her place, her bedroom. Just as he was in the midst of performing oral sex she raises up, whistles loudly and my guy hears a running clatter followed by a monster German Shepard leaping into bed, shoving him aside and having at her. My guy flees the scene in embarassed panic. "You have no idea how hard it was running down the stairs and trying to put on my shoes and pants simultaneously!" he related on pain of death if I ever told relating his name, lol.
Which is worse, being replaced by a machine or a dog?
Talk about ROTFLMAOPIMP!
Why do men jerk off? Same answer as why do dogs lick their balls..because they can.
Men are not very complicated, women are. The movie shows these horrible, shallow chick flick romantic comedy are female porn. "Whatever gets you through the night, it's alright."
The Last Psychiatrist has the best posts about porn.
Like this:
"When you masturbate to porn, as with all fetishes, you are able to focus on a single piece of something as a proxy for all sexuality. It is super easy to look down at, say, your own penis manipulated to its max and see it as gigantic, see it as a proxy for the stud that you imagine you could be given the right script, lighting and production. But the moment the director yells, "action!" the self-consciousness kicks in. You see your flabby gut through her eyes and imagine she can't possibly be aroused by it. You don't feel sexy, so you are not interested in sex. Do I need to point out that this is what women used to say about themselves? Dude, you're acting like a girl."
And this:
"Porn is not the problem. I'm not saying it's a tremendous boon to society, but you can't blame porn for failing relationships, the pressure on women to attain impossible standards of appearance and performance; and male disinterest in normal sexual relationships.
...Let's face it, porn may make women feel inadequate, but how the hell adequate can a woman feel if her boyfriend/husband would rather watch TV than have sex? "But I'm tired." How tired could you possibly be?
So there are two parts to the problem. The easy, and smaller, part is media/porn objectification of women, and its effects on women and men. But the second, more crucial part is male "impotence" (metaphorical) and apathy. Let me be clear about this: porn might magnify this effect; but it doesn't cause it.
...I know no girl in the world is going to believe this, but it's true: if you ask the average guy over 30 if they'd rather be with a girl they have been with many times before or masturbate, they'll pick masturbate. You know why? Because their soul bailed out when they were 15-- because they are narcissists. What in life is worth aspiring to? You don't feel a part of anything bigger, everything seems distant, unreal. Everyone is waiting for something to happen, for their life to "start"-- they're 40 and they're still waiting."
"Women lose interest in sex with the men they're married to all the time. Men are expected to put up with it quietly; nobody expects the wife to see a shrink to correct her lack of desire to put out for hubby."
Yes, well, they didn't ask me about it. I've said before what my opinion was of the notion that "maintenance sex is like rape." If she says no and then fusses because he took care of it himself, she's the one who is wrong.
If the man "porn addict" is largely a myth, then you must admit the idea of a married woman as a cold fish who loses all interest in sex is also largely a myth.
Ten or twenty percent of married couples have sex rarely or never. In the majority of those, it is the wife who lost interest. So no, not a myth by any stretch of the imagination.
It is particularly a problem post-menopause.
Yes, well, they didn't ask me about it.
That's not what I mean.
If a woman stops sleeping with her husband, sure, people cluck their tongues at her for being a selfish wife. What they DON'T do is label her as mentally ill.
A man who would rather watch porn than have sex with his wife is marked as insane, as addicted; he is the subject of societal concern and psychiatric studies. A woman who would rather watch Oprah than have sex with her husband is, at worst, considered a bit selfish.
On the bright side, no one ever caught VD from their hand.
YET.
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